Last week Bill (Stephen Moyer) made the unpopular declaration that he wouldn’t take the cure for Hep-V. It’s time to find out how that goes down.
Let’s bitch it out…The short answer is: not well. At least when it comes to Sookie (Anna Paquin) and Jess (Deborah Ann Woll), who are arguably closest to Bill. Their angry response to his refusal to drink Sarah Newlin’s (Anna Camp) blood feels strikingly authentic, especially Sookie’s desire to smack him across the face a few times. Obviously all of the resulting discussion of fate and the need to live life to the fullest (an ongoing theme this season) is meant to drive the romantic (re)unions in the rest of the episode, but in general my reaction to Bill’s woh-woh decision basically mirrors Eric’s (Alexander Skarsgård) pointed comment that Bill get over himself. Let’s face it: the former King of Louisiana has always had a bit of an inflated ego, so even if his decision is born of his desire to “free” Sookie from her deathly attraction to him, his self-importance still marks him as a bit of a pompous jackass.
Aside from one dominant B-plot which I’ll discuss below, I actually found myself enjoying most of ‘Love Is To Die’. That’s a bit shocking because the run-up to the end has redefined the meaning of meandering plotlines – we’re heading into next week’s finale and it feels like nothing has happened this season. This penultimate episode does little to change that (consider that Sookie’s story involves little more than a mopey dinner at Bellefleur’s and a flight with Eric; and don’t even get me started on how little we’ve seen of Lafayette and James). And yet, despite delivering the television equivalent of paint drying, True Blood is wrapping things up, and in a mostly satisfying fashion to boot! The characters we want to end up together are mostly doing so, most of the characters are getting some kind of closure and the heavy conversations about life and the future
that we desperately wish would stop are still happening with alarming frequency. I guess two out of three ain’t bad.
Oh sure, we’re still playing mindgames with the Yakuza, and Sarah Newlin hasn’t done a damn thing since she was re-introduced, and the Mayor basically left town without anyone noticing, but this is the end of True Blood! We’re all sad, right?
- As mentioned, original cast member Sam (Sam Trammell) gets the “Tara” goodbye treatment with a quick flashback before being shipped off to Chi-town with preggers harpy Nicole. Considering the screentime he’s nabbed in this final season, it’s no big surprise that Sam got the boot in such an understated fashion, but if I was Trammell and this was my True Blood swan song, I would be so pissed…
- Caveat: the contrast between Sam’s goodbye letters to Sookie and Andy (Chris Bauer) is pretty amusing.
- Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) seeks comfort in the arms of Hoyt (Jim Parrack), which paves the way for Jason (Ryan Kwanten) to not only get punched in the face again, but also wind up with Bridget (cue surprise from absolutely no one). Everything between Bubba and Red feels authentic and applause-worthy (albeit a wee bit fast), plus that reunion sex looked plenty hot. I’ve always loved these two together, so I’m gonna give this pairing a thumbs up.
- Side Note: did we really need Jason to do a voice-over recap of everything that went down between Hoyt, Jessica and him? I get that it was a few seasons back, but is there actually anyone still watching this show who isn’t a) a big fan or b) a hate-watcher? Either way, we know our TB history.
- The Jason stuff…is terrible. This entire storyline is honestly a total deal breaker. It’s been obvious since the start of the season when Jason’s relationship with Violet (hiss) was imploding that he would end up with a nice girl who wants to have kids, but there’s both a desperation and a silliness in how this perfect woman has conveniently landed in his lap right before the finale. Obviously we’re meant to laugh at the irony of him hooking up (again!) with Hoyt’s girl, but it’s not working for me. Far too much time has been dedicated to Bridget and considering this character was introduced with only a few episodes to go before the series finale, we have been forced to sit through faaaar too much of a character that no one cares about. Every time she turns back up, my notes read “ugh…who the fuck cares?!” with an exclamation mark added for each subsequent appearance. Fingers crossed she gets drained and dumped next week (It won’t happen, but a boy can dream, can’t he?)
- Naturally Pam (Kristin Bauer von Straten) would find it imperative to colour Sarah Newlin’s hair…and deliver an insult like “twat-lip” to her hostage. It’s unclear if her glamour failed to work or if Mr. Gus simply deduced that Eric’s nocturnal relationship counseling involved Sookie, but damn I would have been pissed if this had of been the end of Pam!
- Ginger (Tara Buck) finally gets to fuck Eric and it is as hilarious and awkward as we all hoped. Everything from Ginger’s wide-eyed response to Eric’s declaration, to her ascent onto his lap and her WTF gyration/slide to the ground is perfectly done. In fact, my only complaint is how prominent – and distracting – Skarsgård’s awful mullet-y do is. That thing is nearly as bad as Corey Stoll’s wig on The Strain (though not as bad as Meagan Boone’s weave on The Blacklist…and for that I am eternally grateful).
- Pam (kinda consoling Jessica after Bill leaves): “You cry on my jacket, you pay for it, sweetheart.”
- Eric (when Bill suggests Sookie will love someone else only after he’s gone): “Get over yourself, Bill”
- Eric (when Bill asks him to be his emissary to Sookie): “I’m almost a thousand years old, Bill. If I had an aptitude for marriage counseling, don’t you think I’d know it by now?”
- Jason (getting right to the point): “Bridget, I just need you to know that we ain’t gonna have sex tonight.”
- Sookie (referencing her last discussion with Bill): “Talking to him tonight was like talking to a suicidal toddler.”
Your turn: are things moving fast enough for you? Are you happy with the closure we’ve got so far? Was Sam’s goodbye as awful as Tara’s? Will Bill die to save Sookie from the Yakuza (and do we care)? Do you hope Bridget dies and Hoyt, Jason and Jessica end up in a long-term threesome? And is Ginger your new True Blood MVP? Sound off below.
True Blood airs its series finale next Sunday at 9pm EST on HBO. See you all for the wrap-up.