Queer.Horror.Movies

The curated portfolio of film journalist Joe Lipsett

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E22 – “It’s So Cold. Cold And Dead”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

S01E022: “The Pirate’s Promise”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Ryan (John D. LeMay) and Micki (Louise Robey) visit a small seaside town which is haunted by the ghost of a murderous, long-dead pirate

  • Director: Bill Corcoran wound up directing a number of episodes of 21 Jump Street and Wiseguy
  • Writer: Carl Binder writes the first of many Friday episodes
  • Famous Guest Star: Like several others, Cedric Smith is well known for his role on Avonlea

The foghorn of doom

Cursed Antique of the Week: A foghorn that summons the murderous spirit of a pirate that trades his treasure for the lives of the descendants of his mutinous crew

Setting: Whaler’s Point, a town founded by pirates who became whalers

Best Death: None of them are particularly exciting, so I guess we’ll go with Fenton (Smith)’s hook to the chest

Quirkiest Add-On: Fenton and Dewey (Thomas Hauff) are revealed to be secret brothers, which is some straight up soap opera shit

Character Bits: This is the first Jack (Chris Wiggins)-free episode since “Scarecrow”

Corny Finish Line: There is no spoken dialogue; just the sound of the foghorn laid out over the image of a full pirate ship on a sea of fog, which is pretty on-the-nose

80s Fashion Closet: Ryan wears a thematically appropriate anchor sweater that is actually kind of fashionable. Less fashionable: Micki’s giant hoop earrings and corset at the end of the episode

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Do you think that when the cousins make their way upstairs at episode’s end, they’re going to…Oh never mind

Angus McBride looks ok

What Works…

Ugh – nothing. This episode is a total snore. I mean, at least neither Micki or Ryan winds up being the missing ancestor so we don’t have to deal with them being in any real danger.

Ok, and Angus McBride’s make-up/mask is kinda fun, albeit in a very “dollar store Halloween” kinda way.

Maximum fodder, limited interest

What Doesn’t Work…

If the last episode used all of the collective tropes to deliver one of the series’ best instalments, then this one exemplifies all of its weaknesses. There’s simply nothing interesting happening here. The villain is identified at the very start, a bunch of randoms we have no interest or investment in are murdered and the explanation for what is happening is evident from very early on (and then frequently repeated ad nauseum). This means that the majority of the episode is spent simply watching Ryan and Micki (and to a lesser extent Dewey) stumble their way through a dull, predictable investigation. We’re talking lots of books. Like lots and lots and LOTS of books.

It doesn’t help that there is no way not to compare this episode to the film that so clearly inspired it: John Carpenter’s The Fog. And while that film has its own share of narrative issues, it at least has a great score, great special effects and a host of engaging actors to prop it up (Adrienne Barbeau’s radio DJ is too sultry for words). In comparison, this episode has a bunch of white dudes and a really fake looking cave for Ryan to stumble into.

Oopsie!

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • The number of people who are casually murdered on a date in this show should inspire any single person to remain celibate for the rest of their lives
  • Dewey says Whaler’s Point is “…just a little town up the coast” to which Micki replies: “Well that doesn’t sound too far.” Huh? It could be ANYWHERE with that description!
  • When Micki fails to distract Fenton while Ryan investigates the lighthouse for the foghorn, Ryan naturally winds up hanging off the ledge as Fenton wanders around above him. This makes no sense because Fenton would FOR SURE see Ryan’s fingertips
  • The middle section of the episode really drags, save from Barney (Bernard Behrens) getting an axe to the back of the head, which is expected but still kind of cool
  • Micki kicking the door to the lighthouse in frustration is surprisingly enjoyable
  • Of all of the items that Fenton could attack someone with, he chooses a sword?
  • As expected, Dewey gets the sharp end of the pointy sword…although it sticks out of his back at a much lower angle than I would have expected. Did Fenton stab him in the groin?
  • Why does the ghost of McBride attack Ryan in the caves? This is never really explained
  • Micki delivers yet more exposition to Ryan about Fenton’s use of the foghorn to summon McBride. No shit, WE ALREADY KNOW THIS
  • “I already killed 12 people!” Lol. This line by Fenton shouldn’t have made me laugh, but it’s delivered so indignantly. Like, how many more people must he murder before he gets his bounty!
  • Oh shocker, Fenton is the final descendant. Snooooooze
  • The bit where McBride summons Fenton to him and impales him with a hook is satisfying, but bloodless. Why are some episodes so light on FX when others are a goldmine?
  • Why is Micki so distraught by Dewey’s death? I don’t get it. Just because he cared about Barney and saved her life? This is true of half of the episodes for crying out loud
  • Oh my god, even in the coda we’re still delivering exposition about why Fenton was killed. Ugh this episode draaaags

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode 23: “Badge of Honor”

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E21 – “Anyone Who Comes Near Us Dies”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

S01E021: “Double Exposure”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Ryan (John D. LeMay) sees famous television newscaster Winston Knight (Gary Frank) hack someone to death with a machete at the same time he was on the air live.

  • Director: Newcomer Neill Fearnley directs the first of two Friday episodes
  • Writer: Oh dear, “The Poison Pen” and “The Great Montarro” writer Durnford King returns for his final episode
  • Famous Guest Star: By this time, Frank has appeared on several episodes of Remington Steele while Catherine Disher would go on to a starring role in Canadian genre TV classic Forever Knight

Old timey camera

Cursed Antique of the Week: A camera that produces a murderous double of the person whose picture was taken. The original will die if the negative isn’t destroyed in five hours

Setting: Winston Knight’s apartment / Curious Goods

Best Death: Despite appearing offscreen, Cathy (Disher)’s “the killer is in the house” murder is easily one of the most terrifying deaths on the series so far

Quirkiest Add-On: In his desperation to recover the negative, Knight creates a duplicate Jack (Chris Wiggins) to do his bidding

Character Bits: Judging from Ryan’s repeated insistence about getting into Cathy’s apartment, he’s definitely still a virgin

Corny Finish Line: Not unlike “Brain Drain“, the episode ends on a downer note as Ryan hears one of his last conversations with Cathy play out while staring at her picture

80s Fashion Closet: Micki (Louise Robey) wears a black turtleneck mini, a three-quarter button up jacket and a matching motherfucking bodice. It looks SO RIDICULOUS

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Since Ryan is too busy crushing on someone else and Micki isn’t acting completely irrational (like she did in “The Quilt Of Hathor 1 & 2“), there are very few incest vibes in this episode

Machete fight!

What Works…

Friday the 13th is giving me whiplash. One episode is lacklustre, and the next is excellent. The show’s quality is all over the map, but I am happy to report that “Double Exposure” is definitely one of the best.

Part of my appreciation of this is undoubtedly personal: I like mad scientists, doubles and slashers, so this episode is checking all of my boxes. What’s fascinating is that most of the best material in the episode isn’t new territory for the series, but when it is smartly packaged, well-written and tied into the development of our core cast, it works like a charm.

Among the best features of “Double Exposure” is the examination of the camera/photograph as a reproduction that is inferior to the original. There are cameras (and images) scattered throughout the episode, including the picture that Ryan and Cathy take on their last date, the cameras that confirm Knight’s alibi in the television studio and, of course, the cursed camera that literally reproduces a subpar copy of the original. “Double Exposure” reinforces that all of these doubles are inferior copies over its 45 minute runtime. The live feed of Knight doesn’t actually prove he isn’t a killer, his double Knight 2.0 is a mindless somnabulist that can’t have its own life and, sadly, Ryan and Cathy’s picture only confirms her absence after she is killed. This is surprisingly deep material for the series.

Of course none of this would work if all of the other technical cylinders weren’t firing. The gooey vat that the doubles come out of harkens back to classic monster movies (with a touch of Re-Animator) and creating a Jack double for a machete fight in the climax is inspired. Throw in two standout supporting turns from Frank (solid) and Disher (charming and memorable) and “Double Exposure” is an episode I definitely won’t forget after five hours.

The ultimate hot flash

What Doesn’t Work…

It’s mostly a minor quibble, but I’ll confess that Jack and Micki’s initial disbelief of Ryan frustrated me. At this point in the series, it’s unbelievable that they wouldn’t trust each other about anything remotely supernatural considering it is literally their raison d’être.

Cathy’s murder is among the best the series has ever done

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • I’ll admit that I thought the villain was going to be an amphibian based on the hand that first came out of the goo
  • Still don’t care for the way the show randomly introduces new characters like they’ve always been there (see “Brain Drain” and “A Cup Of Time“). At least we’re provided context for how Ryan and Cathy met
  • Not only does Ryan try to invite himself in to Cathy’s place, he brings up the fact that she wouldn’t let him later when he’s being questioned by Detective Duncan (Tony De Santis)! Newsflash Ryan: Cathy doesn’t owe you sex because you went on a date, you dumb horny virgin!
  • The slow-motion machete attack in the alley is the first indicator that this episode is going to be solid
  • The special effects for the doppelgänger death are a little odd: initially it looks like Knight 2.0 is bleeding to death, then he turns to charr like the negative
  • Direct from my notes: “Detective Duncan provides Ryan’s name to Knight, confirming that Duncan is, in fact, the stupidest cop on the force”
  • Ryan apologizes to Cathy for “dragging her into all of this” so she’s pretty much guaranteed to die at that point
  • In case you wondered: Ryan is a boxers man
  • The nightmare sequence when Ryan is attacked through the TV in slow motion is really good. It gave me a touch of A Nightmare On Elm Street 3 and a dash of Videodrome
  • Knight puts on a good show when Ryan and Cathy visit his apartment. Maybe he should have been an actor instead of a news anchor?
  • It’s hard not to blame Cathy for her own death. If she is dumb enough to go home in spite of the knowledge that she left her purse at Knight’s house and then she calls Ryan instead of the police, well she kinda deserves to die
  • The sequence when Knight 2.0 turns on the TV while Cathy is recording her message to Ryan is shiver-inducing. It’s a quintessential slasher moment. As soon as we know that the killer is already in the house, you know she’s a goner.
  • Also: didn’t she see Halloween? Don’t hide in a flimsy closet!
  • I’m pretty sure that random strangers like Jack and Ryan aren’t allowed to just burst into a crime scene
  • Detective Vincent wants a statement from Ryan, who is crying profusely, and Jack shuts it down. Good job Jack
  • Probably should have anticipated that someone would be duplicated, but I didn’t. So it’s a fun surprise when Jack 2.0 shows up
  • Knight thinks that he’s going to win a Pulitzer Prize for catching the Machete Killer? Lol. Dude, get real
  • Argument for a standalone episode where we follow Knight’s producer Phil (Dennis O’Connor) as he is charged for agreeing to wait to call the cops outside of Curious Goods
  • Ryan realizing that Jack is a duplicate because he doesn’t know the cursed antique can’t be destroyed is good continuity
  • My absolute favourite moment of the episode is the freaking MACHETE FIGHT! Bonus points for the moment when Knight 2.0 cuts Jack 2.0 and the watery goo pours out of his wounds
  • Sidebar: Jack 2.0 has a machete, and Knight 2.0 has a machete. Is Knight (original flavour) getting them wholesale or something?
  • Does the fact that Knight meets his duplicate, then disappears in plain sight, then Knight 2.0 dies on camera mean that everyone now knows that the supernatural is real? (Yes, that’s rhetorical because I don’t expect it to happen)
  • I disagree with Jack’s claim that if Knight 2.0 had lived, he would have used the camera to continue making duplicates. There’s absolutely no evidence to support this claim
  • Sad Ryan realizes that the three of them are the cursed ones (which, duh!). The real question is whether he is legitimately upset or if he just wistfully realizes that he’s no closer to getting laid?

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode 22: “The Pirate’s Promise”

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E20 – “This Is God’s Court!”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

S01E020: “The Quilt of Hathor: The Awakening”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Ryan (John D. LeMay) is framed by the town leader, Reverend Josiah Grange (Scott Paulin), as the mastermind of all the killings sect.

  • Director: Last episode‘s director Timothy Bond returns to helm part two
  • Writer: Janet Maclean also wraps up her own arc
  • Famous Guest Star: Bernard Behrens plays Inquisitor Holmes. He would go on to play Van Helsing in Dracula: The Series, which is a thing that existed for a season

Dream a little dream of murder

Cursed Antique of the Week: The Quilt of Hathor continues to let its owner kill others in their dreams

Setting: The Penitite Colony

Best Death: Tie!

  1. Elder Florence (Araby Lockhart)’s eye plucking wouldn’t work because of her glasses and likely wouldn’t have killed her, but the gory aftermath is still enjoyable
  2. Reverend Grange’s slow motion second story fall is a solid end to a despicable character. Friday the 13th sure does love tossing characters out of windows

Quirkiest Add-On: The colony just has a giant stake built and ready to go?

Character Bits: Nada. It’s too tight a timeline for further character development

Corny Finish Line: Nothing verbal, but Ryan awakens with a gasp to the crack of lightning, which is the sound effect used to communicate that the Quilt of Hathor is being used for nefarious purposes

80s Fashion Closet: Sadly this is even worse than last episode, though Ryan does adopt an old-timey hat that makes him look like a day player at a historical reenactment place

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Yet more overacting from Micki (Louise Robey) when Ryan is put to the stake. Also, her look of affection when she lays the quilt on him in the coda once he’s back at Curious Goods is very telling

Ever feel like you’re having deja vu?

What Works…

Overall this is a fine, albeit unspectacular, wrap up to a two part episode. If you liked the first instalment, you’re apt to enjoy this. We’re provided a little more of the Ryan/Laura (Carolyn Dunn) romance, as well as more action to satisfy audience members who may have fallen asleep themselves in the more slow-paced first half.

The swapping out of villains – Josiah replaces Effie (Kate Trotter) – is disappointing to me (see below), but narratively it probably makes the most sense since there isn’t much further to take Effie, particularly once she and Josiah are married. Plus it’s evident from the start that Josiah isn’t fit to lead, so it’s no big surprise when he seizes the opportunity to take advantage of a cursed evil object for his own personal gain.

Still, it’s all a bit ho-hum.

SO. MUCH. JOSIAH

What Doesn’t Work…

If I’m being honest, I don’t know that this was a story that justified a two-part episode. I found Scott Paulin’s acting to be quite…broad (if we’re being polite) so all of the “God’s will” and other shouty line readings didn’t really do it for me. Since Reverend Grange really takes front and centre stage here, it’s hard to get away from him, which makes the episode that much more difficult to enjoy.

It’s also frustrating that we have another episode that eschews women for a male villain-centered plot. Perhaps the gendered nature of the murders between the two episodes is telling (In part one, Effie murders for love; Grange murders for power in part two) but, again, it winds up coming off as pretty reductive. A part of me is also disappointed that Trotter isn’t given more to do – she basically exists to introduce the quilt, get the ball rolling and then get murdered so that a man can take over.

As for the inclusion of a fiery set piece in each episode — cleansing ritual vs stake, with Micki freaking out in both — this winds up being far too repetitive. It’s almost as though there isn’t quite enough content to fill two whole episodes! Memo to future Friday the 13th writers: it’s not a callback when it just feels like padding.

Finally, I  love how Matthew (Diego Matamoros) is completely sidelined once Ryan decides to stay. Isn’t he still engaged to Laura? Why has that changed?!

Caught red handed (literally)

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Ohhh Jack’s “previously on…” monologue is so dramatic. Ryan is: “Alone. Alone with a KILLER”
  • How does Effie have such a sixth sense about when people are digging through her stuff? She catches Elder Florence in the act and immediately knocks her off because of her Spidey senses
  • Good gore effect on the blinded eyes, even if Florence’s glasses would have prevented such a poke
  • Things escalate quickly as the colonists accuse Ryan of witchcraft and Laura of being seduced (both are fair claims, if you wanna be honest)
  • Reverend Grange hears Ryan’s explanation…then actively chooses to believe (AND MARRY) Effie because he’s known her for longer. This isn’t suspicious at all
  • Have characters been breaking the fourth wall during the dream sequences the whole time? Josiah looks out at the audience before breaking Effie’s back and killing her
  • Interestingly the Victorian, fancy dress stuff is apparently how Effie visualizes the quilt, while Josiah has no time for such frivolous things. This is perhaps the most fully realized gender disparity Maclean introduces in the two episodes and it’s quite clever
  • Micki and Jack make a cameo appearance to announce the hearst has broken down. Thanks for phoning in, guys!
  • I quite like it when Inquisitor Holmes (Behrens) schools Matthew on being more accepting of Ryan, mostly because Matthew is such a dick
  • Brother Inquisitor calls Grange’s excuse for the mislaid quilt “convenient” so he’s immediately my new favourite character
  • In addition to killing Effie, Grange makes a series of power plays: he convinces Ryan he’s listening to him, he weaves a tale to appease the Inquisitor, then he kicks Ryan out under false pretences. Dude is working this colony like nobody’s business
  • “I never dreamed someone like you could exist.” Baaaaaaarf Ryan
  • Ryan is caught — literally red handed — over Inquisitor Holmes’ body with a knife <sigh>
  • Micki and Jack hilariously arrive just in time for Josiah to boot them out of the hearing. Again, thanks for coming folks!
  • Can we talk about how the colony just has a stake kicking around the grounds. Like, are they just always ready to burn people up?
  • Also: why is there singing? Why is there so much damn singing in these episodes?
  • Micki gets to deliver another ridiculous wailing performance while Ryan nearly burns up
  • Ohhhh a horseback vs horse carriage chase scene? Love it!
  • When did Josiah have time to hide the quilt after killing the Inquisitor? This timeline is confused
  • Seeing people fight over quilts never gets old (Narrator: it was old the first time)
  • Naturally now that they can be together, neither Ryan or Laura are willing to stick around. What a zzzzz conclusion
  • “I wish I’d never come here, never seen you, then I’d never have to leave you.” I mean, I guess that’s a compliment? I do feel like Ryan still has some work to do on his romance skills
  • So….Matthew wins? ‘Cause you know he’s totally gonna marry Laura now
  • Back at Curious Goods, Micki covers Ryan in a quilt. Shouldn’t everyone be a little afraid of quilts by now?
  • Update: oh, we’re doing the Carrie ending thing? Ok…

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode 21: “Double Exposure”

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E19 – “I Knew The Quilt Was Evil”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

S01E019: “The Quilt of Hathor”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: While searching for a cursed quilt in a reclusive, anti-modern religious community, Ryan (John D. LeMay) falls in love with Laura (Carolyn Dunn) and joins a religious sect.

  • Director: Frequent Friday director Timothy Bond returns (past credits include The Poison Pen, Hellowe’en, and Shadow Boxer)
  • Writer: Janet Maclean kicks off the first of her two-part stint, but would go on to greater things writing for Danger Bay and Avonlea
  • Famous Guest Star: Kate Trotter, who plays villainous Effie Stokes, would eventually go on to play Lost Girl‘s The Norn

The quilt of dreams

Cursed Antique of the Week: The Quilt of Hathor let’s the owner kill others in their dreams

Setting: The Penotite Colony

Best Death: Jane Spring (Patricia Strelioff)’s dream death — she plummets two stories over the bannister and through a table to her death — is both beautiful and just the right amount of gory

Quirkiest Add-On: The fiery — and ridiculous — cleansing ritual

Character Bits: We meet Aunt Sarah Good (Helen Carscallen), a relative of Micki (Louise Robey) and Ryan’s, though she is set on fire before episode’s end

Corny Finish Line: “The quilt is a fake” Micki breathes in shock to wrap up the first part of the cliffhanger

80s Fashion Closet: Penotite culture dictates that its members dress conservatively, which limits the fun fashion choices significantly. However, the gaudy faux-Victorian clothing in the dream/murder sequences is quite enjoyable (albeit not period appropriate)

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: The more than Ryan falls in love with Laura, the more hyperbolic Micki becomes. Her orgiastic reactions during the “cleansing” fight are over the top hilarious and provide the clearest evidence yet that Micki is just as enamoured with Ryan as he is with her. Her resigned “Me, too” when Jack (Chris Wiggins) says he’ll miss Ryan is quite pathetic

A fiery (ridiculous) cleanse

What Works…

Perhaps because this is a two parter, the pacing of “The Quilt of Hathor” feels much more relaxed. It’s clear that writer writer Maclean and director Bond are taking the time to ensure that the unusual cultural practices of the Penotites has been firmly established. The actual cursed object comes off as an after-thought as a result; Ryan’s relationship with Laura takes precedent.

While I don’t feel as strongly about this particular storyline as I have about Micki‘s or Jack’s from previous episodes, it is nice to see John D. LeMay given more to do on the series. He rises to the occasion when given an opportunity to dig into more emotional material and while the speed of the storyline doesn’t work for me (more on that below), he and Carolyn Dunn have good chemistry that helps to sell their romantic connection.

Less believable, but far more entertaining, is the completely ridiculous cleansing ceremony involving an elevated fight to the death over a pit of flames. While several of the allusions to the Menonites is incorrect (and even inflammatory), this particular practice is so insane that it surpasses any kind of outrage to stand as one of the most bizarre sequences the series has ever done.

Finally, I must applaud Trotter, who essentially takes a one dimensional villain and elevates her into something interesting. Effie Stokes is a lovesick woman who lashes out at her romantic rivals; it’s the broadest archetype of a woman possible and yet Trotter imbues her old English line readings with subtle malice that makes Effie relatable and fresh. It’s good work in a thankless role.

Menonite Footloose

What Doesn’t Work…

As I mentioned above, I don’t love the Ryan/Laura storyline, if only because their love feels artificially inflated. Not unlike Jack’s rush job in the last episode, things go from a crush to a full-on love affair in the span of just a few hours. Whereas Jack’s relationship had a history that made it slightly more believable, here Ryan simply falls in love impossibly fast.

Micki’s reaction is similarly compacted, which makes her histrionic reaction to Ryan’s emotional distance from her and the case of the week feel over the top. Robey does herself no favours during the cleansing scene; once again it’s as though the actress has been told to play her reactions as big as possible and it comes off looking very amateurish. Not her finest hour, though at least it’s not playing enthralled to a vampire.

The terror of feeding horses is real

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Reverend Josiah Grange (Scott Paulin) is wearing THE worst fake beard I have ever seen on TV. You can literally see the glue lines
  • The fantasy sequences are among the most interesting visual technique the series has ever attempted. I don’t get the period piece/Victorian dress-up aspect of it, but the cinematography and costuming looks lush and beautiful
  • Please note that Ryan begins this episode dancing with a headless female mannequin and ends it practically engaged
  • Sarah Good runs down the ways that Penotites don’t like modern ways. This includes no music, no mirrors, no technology, the requirement to dress conservatively and participate in arranged marriages that are organized when the women are still children. If this is, in fact, taken off real Menonites, only the technology and conservative dress are real rules. The rest is offensive poppycock
  • Ryan notes that “we live the same way” when Sarah mentions there are punishments for sexual transgressions which…makes no sense
  • Laura looks distractingly like a young Kate MacKinnon
  • My main issue with Matthew (Diego Matamoros) is that he’s meant to be so much older than Laura, but he also looks very young and childish
  • Actual excerpt from my notes: “Oh Jesus, Ryan – no! Don’t sing!” LeMay does not have a good voice, even for something like a lullaby
  • Reverend Grange reminds me of John Lithgow when he insists that they must shun dance. We’re firmly in Menonite Footloose territory
  • One of the more interesting things “The Quilt of Hathor” does is find horror not in the cursed object storyline (no one seems particularly upset that people keep dying), but in the relationship storyline. For example: Ryan is stabbed in the arm by Matthew with a pitchfork when he hides in the hay in the barn and the music and direction treats it like it’s the scariest scene in the episode
  • I like that Ryan is warned that there will be consequences if he doesn’t stay away from Laura and in the very next scene they’re macking IN PUBLIC IN FRONT OF EVERYONE
  • Micki’s reactions during the cleansing fight are so fucking extra. I LOVE IT
  • The oddest moment occurs when Sarah Good accuses Effie of being evil and Effie counters that she (Effie) is…plain? Oh. Good comeback, Priscilla
  • The line “Who do you wanna call as a witness, the Sandman?” is so, so bad. What a groaner
  • While Micki’s plea with Ryan to accompany her home really helps cement the core of their relationship, I do love that part of her argument is that he’s too childish to be in love: “You love hot dogs and Saturday morning cartoons”
  • The fake quilt reveal isn’t the strongest cliffhanger to end the first part on. Prediction: Jack and Micki will have to stop Effie before she kills Laura for attempting to prevent her marriage to Reverend Grange

See you back here later today for Friday The 13th The Series episode twenty: the stunning conclusion of the two-parter, “The Quilt of Hathor: The Awakening”

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E18 – “I Don’t Want To Be Stupid Anymore!”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

S01E018: “Brain Drain”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: A mentally impaired man (Denis Forest) uses a cursed trephanator to steal brain-power from smart people, and his next target is Jack (Chris Wiggins)’ bride-to-be, Dr. Viola Rhodes (Carrie Snodgress).

  • Director: “Tales of the Undead” and “Tattoo” director Lyndon Chubbuck returns for his final Friday episode
  • Writer: “Shadow Boxer” writer Josh Miller returns for his second (and last) Friday script
  • Famous Guest Star: Denis Forest, who played Eddie in “Cupid’s Quiver“, returns for another villainous turn

The trephanator in all of its glory

Cursed Antique of the Week: A trephanator that takes the intelligence from one person who dies and gives it to another

Setting: The Museum of Science and History

Best Death: Pangborn’s (presumed) death by trephanator may be on the nose, but it feels just right

Quirkiest Add-On: The basement of the museum is filled with all kinds of odd objects, but an extended close-up on the skull of an animal is my favourite funny little bit

Character Bits: Jack and Viola were engaged to be married twenty years ago. When they reconnect, they snog and get engaged a second time!

Corny Finish Line: No jokes, just heartfelt sentiment as Jack loses the love of his life a second time

80s Fashion Closet: Nothing too distinctly memorable, although Micki (Louise Robey)’s giant black trench coat which appears to be about five times too big seems very much of the time

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: The banter when Ryan (John D. LeMay) and Micki are nearly discovered by Pangborn in the museum’s basement contains just the right amount of quippy repartee. Ryan asks Micki who her boyfriend in the crate is (it’s a skeleton) and her disgusted face at his suggestion is hilarious

Denis Forest delivers another imposing villain turn

What Works…

At times Friday The 13th feels like a yo-yo: one episode it’s down and the next it’s up. Thankfully the cleverly titled “Brain Drain” is a winner, in part due to another creepy turn by bad guy Denis Forest. While Pangborn doesn’t have the same malice as Eddie from episode 1×03, he’s still quietly threatening as a man desperate for intelligence. What really works for me about Forest’s performance are the subtle mannerisms that he adopts each time he consumes another person’s intelligence, especially when he dons glasses and an accent after he murders Dr. Verner (Brian Paul).

Not unlike “Root Of All Evil” the main reason that this episode works so well, however, is that it directly affects a core cast member’s story arc. Similar to how “Root Of All Evil” addressed Micki’s frustration at being caught between Curious Goods and her relationship with Lloyd, here Jack is confronted with a life changing opportunity to reconcile with his ex-fiancé, Viola. The fact that his romance runs even more directly afoul of the case of the week helps to dramatically increase the stakes when Viola’s life is put at risk by her work with Pangborn.

Even more surprising is the episode’s grim conclusion when Viola actually dies. Not unlike recent series best episode, “Vanity’s Mirror“, the decision here by screenwriter Miller to go dark and actually murder Jack’s fiancé is hardcore. I was certain that Jack would find a way to revert the process (something he even mentions, but ultimately elects not to pursue). It’s legitimately shocking when the episode ends with a grief-stricken Jack staring down the obituary card for Viola. Hats off to Friday The 13th for not playing it safe with this ending.

Carrie Snodgress is miscast as Viola

What Doesn’t Work…

Although I will give credit for Miller’s script decisions, at times his dialogue is more than a little tin-eared. This is particularly true when it comes to the romantic conversations between Jack and Viola. Part of it is uncomfortable word choices and part of it is Snodgress’ delivery. As much as I like the idea of Jack having a fiancé, I think Snodgress is miscast. She’s far from convincing and even seems uncomfortable in front of the camera at times (is it extremely bitchy to say that she’s most convincing after her brain has been sucked out? LOL)

Also: it’s a minor critique, but this is the second time in two episodes where people gets powers from a chair that kills. See yesterday’s complaint about the series reusing the same ideas so early in its run.

Viola is that you?

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Just like the last episode, we hardly know anything about Pangborn’s victims, but at least they have distinct personalities. Take Dr. Vincent Robeson (François Klanfer): he must deliver a big exposition dump to introduce the trephanator and the artificial brain, but he’s such a douchebag when he’s chatting with his colleague that you actively root for his death!
  • In case you were wondering the trephanator is a based on a real device and school of thought, though it is not typically used in such a magical way
  • The imagery and sound design when the trephanator is activated is quite good. Fangborn’s need to really crank the lever to activate the device gives it weight and the impact of the needle jabbing into victims’ necks is suitably jarring. Add in some gross suction sounds as the green liquid courses through tubes and the entire procedure becomes an appropriately horrifying fate
  • Aside from the exposition dump and the awkward romantic dialogue, the entire first act cruises along nicely without many hiccups
  • Does Ryan think that people get holes in their neck if they fall down the stairs? When Micki raises the puncture mark she saw on Dr. Verner’s neck after his fall at the museum, Ryan suggests the hole is from the fall, which…makes no sense
  • This exchange — right before Jack goes on his date with Viola — cracked me up. Why bother offering?!

Micki: “Do you want some help with your tie?”

Jack: “Isn’t it alright?”

Micki: “Mmhmm”

  • Did we know that Jack was married before? Did I just repress that?
  • More hilarious line readings: Why does Chris Wiggins pronounce Kenya like KIN-YA?
  • Also: why does Louise Robey adopt a UK accent when she’s talking to Ryan at one point?
  • If you’re keeping score at home, Micki and Jack have both gotten lucky now. Ryan alone remains the perennial virgin
  • Micki and Ryan claim that they waited up all night solely to ensure that Jack was alright. I call bullshit on these two; they’re gossip-y hens waiting for a debrief about his date
  • The distance between Pangborn and Viola’s timeline for teaching the brain linguistics is hilariously incompatible
  • My favourite campy scene from the episode occurs when Micki and Ryan investigate the museum and wind up hiding from Pangborn: they are identically dressed in leather jackets like the most uber-fashionable cat burglars imaginable
  • Two questions from this section:
    1. Why does it go on for soooo damn long?
    2. How does Micki get trapped in that crate?
  • Jack and Viola’s re-engagement happens so quickly that I half expected them to get married in the very next scene
  • Another hilarious dialogue exchange: Jack: “Viola and I are engaged.” Micki (without pause): “Jack, Viola’s in danger!” LOL. I get that time is of the essence, but you’re not even going to offer a congratulation?!
  • When they’re searching for Pangborn, Ryan laments that “he could be anywhere”. So where does Pangborn wind up being? Exactly where he’s been the entire rest of the episode
  • The moment that brain-sucked Viola stumbles into Pangborn immediately before he shoots Jack reminds me of the scene from The Faculty when Famke Janssen’s headless body is stumbling around the parking lot. It looks somewhere between “drunken” and “accidental”
  • I was genuinely surprised when Jack doesn’t try to reverse the procedure. I was also similarly surprised when the brain in the glass jar doesn’t appear in Curious Goods (or something equally ridiculous) at episode’s end
  • Finally, I get that Micki is trying to comfort Jack when she encourages him to focus on his time with Viola, but since it was approximately 48 hours, that’s not really a great suggestion…

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode nineteen: “The Quilt of Hathor” which is the first part of a two-parter! Dum dum dum!

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E017 – “You Give Me The Juice I Need To Go On”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

S01E017: “The Electrocutioner”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Eli Pittman (Angelo Rizacos), an innocent survivor of an electric chair uses the chair’s magic powers to get revenge on those who put him in t

  • Director & Writer: “Root Of All Evil” writer Rob Hedden returns to both write and direct
  • Famous Guest Star: Rizacos makes his first of three guest appearances on the show

Electric chair in B/W

Cursed Antique of the Week: An electric chair that transfers electrical charges to its owner in exchange for bodies

Setting: Haverstock Reform School

Best Death: The dental chair deaths of the orphan kids are the most visually impressive, what with the black and white faces of death and the disappearing bodies

Quirkiest Add-On: Jack (Chris Wiggins) uses a needle and the charge off of the electric chair to create a compass to track Pittman in one of the show’s best science lessons yet

Character Bits: Micki (Louise Robey) once again expresses concern that a killer may get away unpunished, which is one of her recurring character traits

Corny Finish Line: “Kinda gives me a tingling feeling” Micki laughs as the static electricity from Ryan (John D. LeMay)’s lightning lamp makes her hair stand up straight

80s Fashion Closet: As always I could rest on my laurels with Micki’s hair, which is still in bouffant/bang mode, but it’s so much more fun to comment on the punk rock styling of teenage victim Melissa (Jennifer Cornish) who looks like she has stepped right out of A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: They wind up in a few harrowing situations together, but there’s a lack of sparks (ha!) between the cousins

The episode’s best setpiece

What Works…

The sequence when Micki and Ryan see Pittman kill Judge Avery and have to hide from him in the car while he repeatedly sends electrical current through the hood ornament is easily the episode’s best. It’s well directed, tense setpiece that combines science and showbiz magic in equal measure.

Outside of this, however, it is a bit more sparse. I’m not sure that I love Hedden’s handheld camerawork during Pittman’s black and white flashbacks, though it does help these sequences to stand out against the episode’s more traditional elements. The fact that these flashbacks are actually false memories, complete with Carrie-esque laughter by Pittman’s executioners, is an intriguing attempt by Hedden to visually capture Pittman’s state of mind as he carries out his murders. It’s a small touch, but effective.

It sounds a little odd, but the other piece of this otherwise mundane episode that stands out is the science. No, an electric chair cannot be disguised as a dentist chair and used to make orphan teenagers disappear in puffs of smoke, but the aforementioned car scene when Micki and Ryan, the homemade compass bit and the use of rubber gloves to ground Pittman’s electrical charge makes it apparent Hedden did at least some research in preparation for his directorial debut.

Ummm…this scene is problematic

What Doesn’t Work…

Friday The 13th loves a good revenge episode, but in this case it just falls flat. Pittman starts out as a sympathetic character, but following  the ten year time jump he’s already a full-on killer. The fact that this “innocent” man is murdering orphan teenagers, as well as his kindly boss, is pretty despicable. It also immediately eliminates any sympathy the audience may have harboured for his quest for vengeance.

It’s evident that the sole creative reason Pittman’s innocence is even included in the narrative is to explain why he was released from prison. The series has never satisfyingly explained why cursed objects turn reasonable, law-abiding citizens into killers and while most of the time I’m willing to overlook it, here it grates on me because Hedden’s script repeatedly brings up his innocence as though it somehow excuses his behaviour.

Another reason this particular storyline stands out more than in other episodes is because there’s so little else that is innovative or interesting to distract from it. The men that Pittman wants revenge on are all unknown to us, so it doesn’t matter if they’re killed. Even Frank Adamson‘s Warden Hobbs doesn’t have much character, despite multiple scenes with the Curious Goods crew. Between Pittman’s confused portrayal and the pile of anonymous bodies he leaves in his wake, “The Electrocutioner” feels long, drawn out and, sadly, not very exciting.

This is one of my favourite FT13 visuals EVER

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • The special effects in this episode are confusing. There’s nothing in the initial scene when Pittman is zapped (aside from the soundtrack), but then there’s a cacophony of effects in other scenes, including superimposed black and white skulls on the teen victims, smoke, red lights when Pittman collects their energy, and then blue lightning bolts when he uses his powers. It’s very inconsistent
  • Warden Hobb’s refusal to put Pittman back in the chair because “You can’t execute a man twice” sounds like some Double Jeopardy BS
  • My favourite line comes from Melissa, who comments (admittedly while high on dental gas) that dentistry is a “semi-groovy job”? What teen would honestly say that?!
  • There’s some initial discomfort when Pittman uses the electric chair on a black teen girl after reminding her that as an orphan, no one cares if she lives or dies. Considering this actress is not even given a line of dialogue, this scene comes off feeling icky and more than a little problematic
  • I will confess that I kind of love the idea that someone could disguise an electric chair as a dental chair. It’s completely ridiculous
  • Pittman sure does love to stretch out his murderous encounters. He always spends enough time with his victims to ensure they know who he is and let them recoil or demand that he leave because he zaps them
  • The most memorable visual in this entire episode is the dummy head that Pittman has on his desk. It’s terrifying
  • Another amazing Melissa moment occurs when she learns she can skip history class for a dental exam and she gets excited! “So history class is history” she exclaims. Who is this odd unicorn?!
  • The episode’s biggest groaner line occurs when Pittman’s boss, Mr Downing (Ron Hartmann) enquires of Melissa: “If you see her, would you give me a buzz?” Nyuk nyuk nyuk
  • I wish that Pittman’s torture of Downing with the dental tools was better executed. It’s obvious that there was no budget or capacity to actually make it look like there was tooth trauma, so it just looks silly to keep cutting away
  • That long sequence when Jack and Micki track Pittman in the basement using the home made compass starts off feeling really compelling, but quickly feels like padding for the episode runtime when it amounts to nothing
  • There was something inappropriately funny about Jack, Micki and Ryan trying to get to the Hobbs’ home in time for a 6pm dinner. 24 this ain’t
  • The use of a storm that knocks out the phones is reminiscent of “Bedazzled” which used the same narrative crutch, but in a more satisfying way. Here it just feels cheap
  • I love how Mrs. Hobbs (Marcia Bennett) apologizes to Pittman for calling him old when he tries to impersonate Ryan. It’s a funny, authentic touch in Hedden’s script
  • Probably shouldn’t have expected anything different, but when Pittman turns into a fried skeleton in the climax, I definitely groaned. The whole plot about how and why he escaped death ten years before is completely nonsensical, but wouldn’t it have made as much sense to simply have him lose his powers and go back to jail to pay for his real crimes this time. Friday The 13th loooooves to kill its villains
  • While it’s evident that Ryan’s lightning lamp is only included in the episode to connect visually to the case of the week, it’s still fun to end on a humourous note with Micki’s hair standing straight up from the static electricity

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode eighteen: “Brain Drain”