Queer.Horror.Movies

The curated portfolio of film journalist Joe Lipsett

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E12 – “He Got What He Deserved. He Was A Pig”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

S01E012: “Faith Healer”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: A debunked faith-healer acquires real healing-powers, but gets debunked again, and worse, by one of Jack (Chris Wiggins)’s peculiar old friends (Robert A. Silverman)

  • Director: My all time favourite Canadian director David Cronenberg takes the reins
  • Writer: Christine Cornish pens her one and only Friday episode
  • Famous Guest Star: Conenberg regular Robert A. Silverman (Scanners, Naked Lunch) takes center stage as Jerry Scott

The Sforza glove

Cursed Antique of the Week: The Sforza glove that transfers a magnified ailment from one person to another

Setting: Jerry’s floating house. See Quirkest Add-On below

Best Death: Jerry’s grisly tumour face is a sight to behold

Quirkiest Add-On: Jerry lives on a GIANT barge docked in the harbour

Character Bits: Micki reveals that she studied the Renaissance Italian court at university

Corny Finish Line: After an uncomfortable encounter, Micki and Jack make up when they jokingly compare different curse — science vs magic — for Ryan’s cold. Jack jokes: “If he gets worse or dies, all bets are off”

80s Fashion Closet: Is Fishoff (Miguel Fernandes)’ all white ensemble inspired by Southern faith healers or is it just an unfortunate 80s fashion choice? It really could go either way

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: With an episode primarily dedicated to Jack, Jerry and Fishoff, there’s less cousin-ly love to go around, though at one point Ryan (John D. LeMay) drapes his arm around Micki (Lousie Robey) in an overly affectionate fashion. Earlier he also chastises her with the very sexist line: “Patience and tolerance. I thought those were traditional female virtues?”

Cronenberg’s magic body horror touch

What Works…

Not unlike the Atom Egoyan episode from earlier in the season, “Faith Healer” embodies a number of visual and thematic components that reflect guest director David Cronenberg’s interests. Directed in between The Fly and Dead Ringers, this is the height of Cronenberg’s (more respectable) body horror period and the episode feels more indebted to his vision than any other instalment of the series thus far.

While the Sforza glove is a very traditional “cursed object” (akin to the teacup from “A Cup Of Time” in its transferrable powers), “Faith Healer”s more or less casts aside the Curious Goods crew in favour of a two person showdown between guest stars Fernandes and Silverman. Micki and Ryan barely appear and even Jack feels cursory — he’s more involved, but only because of his ties to Jerry.

The prominence of Silverman is unsurprising given his history with Cronenberg (they had already worked together on Scanners and The Brood by this time), but within the historical context of the series it is fascinating to see an episode given over to the will of a director and guest star in such a prominent way.

Another element of significance is Cronenberg’s direction, specifically the lighting and the use of enclosed spaces. The famed directed heavily favours shadowy lighting across characters’ faces, which casts both Fishoff and Jerry into suspicion early and often.  As for the enclosed spaces, Friday The 13th has always used alleys for sets, but “Faith Healer” features a preponderance of them. Cronenberg shoots these alleys so that they feel more narrow and threatening than ever. This includes Jerry’s floating home, which feels similarly suffocating. Plus the presence of a boat where violence breaks out clearly evokes Videodrome.

Finally, there’s the increased prominence of practical makeup effects. The pulsating bubbles on victims’ faces, Jerry’s gory chest tumours, as well as the glove, are classic Cronenberg body horror. The fact that these effects are so much more realistic and graphic is fascinating considering that special effects makeup artists Darren Perks and Randy Daudlin were already been working on the series before this episode. I imagine that Cronenberg brought his experience with macabre makeup effects to set. It will be interesting to see if this uptick in the quality of special makeup effects continues in subsequent episodes.

Silverman and Fernandes dominate the plot of “Faith Healer”

What Doesn’t Work…

It’s possible that your mileage on this episode will vary depending on your willingness to accept change. Although in many ways “Faith Healer” adopts the familiar plot beats of any other episode of the series, the diminished roles of Jack and (more specifically) Micki and Ryan does give make the episode stand out. Add in the extended climax that (literally) traps Jack in a closet so that the two guest stars can have a shoot-out and car chase and it’s clear that “Faith Healer” is less interested in the core cast than traditional episodes. This didn’t actually bother me, but it may rankle the feathers of purists.

Fishoff’s visually impressive death

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • The opening sequence when Jerry debunks Fishoff (Fernandes) in front of a two-tiered audience feels very ceremonial and — dare I say it — cultish
  • Did anyone else think that the leather glove looks like a woman’s glove?
  • Initially it seems as though the glove has eaten away at Fishoff’s hand. It took me a few seconds to realize that the leather accessory had actually taken on the attributes of the illness itself
  • When Micki and Ryan first see Fishoff’s infomercial, it is revealed that there has been a significant time lapse (a minimum of six months) between the opening sequence and the present. This is a first for the series, which typically finds the crew investigating a crime shortly after it is committed
  • Remember when these kinds of infomercials were common fare on TV? That’s a blast from the past
  • Jack’s disbelief when he is kicked out by Fishoff’s staff is hilarious since he was attempting to break and enter. “What kind of man bends a man’s lockpicks?!” he bemoans in melodramatic fashion
  • There’s an interesting extreme long shot of Micki and Ryan waiting on the fire escape for Fishoff to sneak out of the back of his building. It is notable if only because it highlights how infrequently Friday The 13th pulls back to show bigger sets, which is an unfortunate by product of a restrictive budget (The outdoor fields in “Scarecrow” are another great example of “opening up” the filming space)
  • Who will take care of Porky the poodle after her poor owner is assaulted and killed by Fishoff in the alley?
  • According to Jerry’s claim, he’s debunked 400 “parasites” in 20 years. Who knew there were that many phoney faith healers kicking around in the late 80s?
  • Jerry’s cutdown of Jack is savage: “Is this where you try your magic top hat routine?” Way to tear down Jack’s interest in magic, Jerry!
  • There’s a time discrepancy when Jerry recalls that a year has passed since he exposed Fishoff as a fraud in the opening scene. So how much time has actually passed: six months or a year?
  • I either turned away for a moment or it’s not entirely clear, but it seems like Jerry and Jack are talking one moment and then Jack is tied up in the closet the next. It feels very abrupt
  • I appreciated that Fishoff mocks Jerry’s request to heal him. I truly had no idea why the televangelist would agree to help the man who publicly ruined him
  • The fact that Jerry winds up being a killer – of both Fishoff and his bodyguard – even before he lays hands on the glove makes him distinct from most of the killers on the series. Traditionally villains are compelled by a cursed antique. Here Jerry is just acting out of his own malicious intent
  • The logistics of Fishoff’s death are different from the others, but it is visually impressive to see him repeatedly shot out of nowhere when he fails to transfer his wounds to Jerry. I liked this death quite a bit
  • Intriguingly writer Christine Cornish lays the foundation for the next episode by having Micki reference a cape she thinks they should investigate
  • I’m glad that Jack verbally acknowledges his poor taste in friends because I had just made that observation in my notes. Between Jerry and Lewis (see episodes 1 and 5) Jack really should never trust another living person
  • Finally, is Micki’s cruel admonishment of Jack’s desire to leave behind the cursed object life a callback to his somewhat cutthroat comment about her own struggle back in “Root Of All Evil“?

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode thirteen: “The Baron’s Bride”. It looks like the halfway point of season one involves…time travel?!

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E11 – “Gotta Break Her Before You Can Ride Her”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

S01E011: “Scarecrow”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Micki (Louise Robey) and Ryan (John D. LeMay) head to a small farming town where three people turn up dead each harvest. While investigating, Ryan becomes attached to a young boy Jordy (Nicolas Van Burek) who witnessed his father’s death.

  • Director: Pilot helmer William Fruet makes his Friday return
  • Writer: Marc Scott Zicree (“Doctor Jack” and “Tales Of The Undead“) is credited for the teleplay
  • Famous Guest Star: Patricia Phillips would go on to War Of The Worlds and the first episode of Alias Grace

Scarecrow as villain…but it’s not really a haunted object

Cursed Antique of the Week: A scarecrow that promises a good Harvest once it has decapitated three victims

Setting: A small farming town (I definitely missed the name)

Best Death: After confronting Marge (Phillips) about murdering his entire family, Charlie (James B. Douglas) is hooked in the back and hung from the barn ceiling with a plethora of scarecrows

Quirkiest Add-On: This is the second Jack/Chris Wiggins-free episode of the series, though at least this time there’s a postcard that reveals that he is tracking down something called “the Icarus Feather”

Character Bits: Ryan reveals – via a triggering baseball that Micki literally throws at him – that his brother was hit and killed by a truck when Ryan was nine

Corny Finish Line: There’s no specific corny line, but it’s a little silly when the scarecrow stand falls over in the field at episode’s end

80s Fashion Closet: What’s more offensive: Ryan’s wannabe Sherlock Holmes hat or Micki’s corset belt that closes with the help of a vertical line of GIANT safety pins? And no, I can’t talk about her gaudy gold bracelet or her terrible black headband

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: There’s too much screaming for incest

Beware of scarecrows hiding under the covers

What Works…

I have to say that when the episode began, I wasn’t really feeling it. The scarecrow design wasn’t straw-based enough, Marge is revealed to be the killer immediately and Jack is still MIA.

Then Trudy Cobean (Norma Edwards) gets a chase scene that sees her basically decapitated right in front of Micki. It’s gruesome. And threatening. And things just get better from there.

All of the sudden we’ve got character development in the form of Ryan’s never before mentioned brother. There’s an actual Sheriff (Steve Pernie) involved in the proceedings and he even has a role to play. Marge commits a weird sexualized murder in a barn and then hoist an adult male’s dead body up into the rafters (bonus points for all of the hanging scarecrows, which is a legitimately creepy sight).

And that’s all before we even get to the final fight sequence at the inn. That’s when everything gets dialled up to 11. The scarecrow pops out from under the covers like Jason Voorhees. The Sheriff is full-on stabbed by a giant pair of scissors. Ryan jump kicks (!!!) the scissors out of Marge’s hands while she holds Jordy (Nicolas Van Burek) at knifepoint and she later kicks him so hard that he falls and breaks her foyer table. Micki escapes her locked room using the Kool-Aid Man technique of crashing through the door. She and Ryan then take turns jumping on the scarecrow and getting spun off like a Disneyland teacup ride! And the whole time everyone – Charlie, Micki, Marge, Ryan and Jordy – are screaming their fucking heads off.

A lot of the credit has to go to William Fruet’s direction; he really makes the episode scary and atmospheric. The scene when the scarecrow chases Micki through the overgrown derelict field at dusk is so startlingly reminiscent of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre that I audibly gasped. It’s gorgeous and perfectly edited and, most significantly, it feels dangerous, which is something that the series rarely, if ever, captures when one of its leads is in danger.

Overall “Scarecrow” is AMAZING. I lived (and died) for this episode. It’s a season best as far as I’m concerned.

Poor Micki is in danger again

What Doesn’t Work…

I mean, I can quibble that this is just another episode where Micki is in danger, but she and Ryan hold their own so well in that final battle that it feels disingenuous to complain.

Maaaaybe they should have identified Marge as the homicidal killer sooner? She acts like a complete psycho the entire episode, but I suppose if you didn’t really know what you’re looking for, perhaps you would be able to excuse her odd behaviour?

Oh and the scarecrow isn’t technically a cursed antique, so this episode doesn’t actually have one.

Poor dumb Charlie never stood a chance

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • I love how the episode opens with Jordy’s father casually raising the terrors of capitalism by cheerfully boasting that they’ll be nearly destitute when they pay off all of their bills
  • Direct quote from my notes: “Why is Ryan wearing a Sherlock hat?” But seriously: what’s with the hat?
  • The initial attack on Micki by Nick (Todd Duckworth) is a good misdirect. It’s a touch unclear if he’s actually committing the murders before he is shot to death by the Sheriff later, or if it was always a supernatural being and Marge just dressed Nick up as a fall guy
  • Not unlike the last episode, Marge’s cheerful/creepy description of her inn as the sole option in town immediately labels her the town loon, if not its psycho killer. Maybe tone it down a touch Marge?
  • I’m still unsure why so many of the murders on this series (in general) feel like they were intended for 3D. Here the scarecrow’s chase of Trudy features several scythe-swipes directly at the camera
  • For a hot second I was worried that Ryan and the Sheriff wouldn’t believe Micki’s story about seeing Trudy’s body. Luckily this isn’t one of those “no one believes me” cases: Ryan and the Sheriff not only see the body, they both believe Micki about the scarecrow (to varying degrees, obviously, since the Sheriff hasn’t spend the last few months collecting cursed antiques like Ryan has)
  • Another direct quote from my notes — this time with regards to Micki’s outfit: “WTF Micki – you’re in the country! Dress appropriately”
  • The old dude that spouts off exposition about the Cobean family sure is a character. Bring him back for another guest spot because that guy had character actor written all over him. I particularly liked his sly wink at his friends, which captures his disdain for the idiot big city kids who overpay him for an antique water pump
  • The rewatch title comes courtesy of Marge, who delivers the most vulgar and ick-inducing line of the episode when she eggs Nick on by suggesting that he has to “break [Micki] before you can ride her. Break her good!” Excuse me while I shower off the grottiness
  • Jordy and Ryan’s tussle continues the Friday The 13th The Series tradition of kids knocking over able-bodied adults with little to no effort (You’ll remember it began back in episode four “A Cup Of Time“)
  • I’m unsure why Micki finds a basket of rotten peppers? Or are those meant to be apples?
  • Between the scarecrow mask that looks like human flesh and that chase scene in the field, I seriously got TTCM vibes
  • Sheriff Comins is my kind of guy. After shooting Nick dead, Comins deadpans Charlie’s loss: “Man lost his whole family in one night”, then immediately takes a big swig of booze from his flask
    • He also has a hilariously Canadian accent. Listen for the “eh!”
  • Even knowing that Ryan feels a kinship to Jordy because of his brother, his familial instinct feels odd considering that the writers typically present Ryan as childlike
  • The single oddest part of this episode is when Marge leans in to pretend to kiss Charlie to get close enough to kill him and he goes for it. His wife and son were just murdered in the last 24 hrs and the dude is macking on the woman he knows killed them. It’s so bizarre…
  • …but I do love that wail he lets out when he goes down
  • Fruet does a great job building up to the reveal of Charlie’s body hanging from the rafters. The slow pan across all of the hanging scarecrows (creepy), followed by the pool of dripping blood, then the slow tilt up from Ryan’s POV to reveal the body. It’s very much like a slasher movie
  • Of course Micki mistakes the Sheriff for the killer because, like I Know What You Did Last Summer, everyone in this dumb town has the same fucking black slicker
  • Could Marge be more creepy when she tells Micki “I’ll take care of EVERYTHING”. Way to telegraph your villain status lady
  • All of the commotion from the moment that the scarecrow sits up in bed to the point that Marge is decapitated = chef’s kiss. Just so much batshit craziness. Totally loved it
  • Finally, do you think the dog (goat?) chasing after Micki and Ryan’s car as they drive out of town was planned or just a fun, weird visual that Fruet decided to keep in for shits and giggles?

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode twelve: “Faith Healer”

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E10 – “Tell Me Boy, How Does It Feel To Be A Hero?”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

S01E010: “Tales Of The Undead”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Ryan (John D. LeMay) witnesses an attack by a character from his favorite comic book. To learn more, Ryan tracks down the comic’s creator, a bitter man named Jay Star (Ray Walston) with a vendetta against his former business partners.

  • Director: Lyndon Chubbuck makes his Friday debut
  • Writer: Bill Taub (“The Inheritance” and “Hellowe’en“) & Marc Scott Zicree (“Doctor Jack“) are credited for the teleplay
  • Famous Guest Star: Prolific actor Walston (Picket Fences) and Canada star David Hewlett (Cube; Stargate: Atlantis) appear

Animated Feris the Invincible

Cursed Antique of the Week: A comic that allows its possessor to become an invincible robot, Feris

Setting: The Star Mansion

Best Death: Mrs. Forbes (Michele George) is smashed against a wall and a squib in her back explodes? Lol. The fake blood is not exactly correctly positioned so when she bangs her head it shoots up her back and it’s quite amusing

Quirkiest Add-On: This is the first Jack/Chris Wiggins-free episode of the series

Character Bits: Ryan more or less admits that he was bullied and beaten up as a child

Corny Finish Line: See the incest section below

80s Fashion Closet: Micki’s jewelry is out of control in this episode: she’s got a giant ugly circle broach that she wears on her comically-oversized shit brown trenchcoat for most of the episode. Then in the final scene she wears a band above the elbow, which looks like something Elizabeth Taylor would wear on the set of Cleopatra. Throw in Micki’s matronly seafoam green gown in the opening scene and we don’t even need to critique her ridiculous hair for laughs!

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: The pair make it nearly all the way through the episode…and then some weird smooth saxophone comes on when they talk about etchings in the final scene. Micki even adopts a provocative pin-up pose for her dialogue: “What is that a line? Wanna come upstairs and see my etchings?” Throw in a fourth wall wink about Spiderman #1 from Ryan and this ending is all kinds of barfy innuendo.

Comic Micki has less voluminous hair

What Works…

While I have issues with both Cal (Hewlett)’s motivation and Star’s murder list prioritization, both guest stars acquit themselves well. Obviously I could have done with more of Hewlett, who barely appears before Star murders him, but like last episode this has more to do with my appreciation for the actor Hewlett will become rather than the role of Cal itself.

Walston, on the other hand, is excellent (as always). Star isn’t the most challenging role for the veteran actor as the villainous old man doesn’t have a ton of nuance, but Walston is deeply dedicated. He convincingly sells Star’s anguish and rage, with a smidge of entitlement peeking out underneath. The episode certainly would have been less watchable without an actor of his gravitas in the role.

The other element that works are the comic interstitials that mark the transition from human to robot. Modeled like the panels of a comic book, these animated stills are a great way to cover up for a limited production budget and, more importantly, tie in perfectly with the episode’s cursed object. Plus the artwork is just fun to look at.

Forbes’ blood squib may be incorrectly positioned

What Doesn’t Work…

After back to back episodes that address the series’ lingering continuity issues, we’re firmly back into procedural “case of the week” territory, with nary a mention of Jack’s absence or any kind of lingering issues about Lloyd’s departure. This is more of an observation than a true criticism at this point, since it is clear that continuity between episodes is apt to be an ongoing issue throughout the rest of the series.

Focusing on the case at hand, the plotting isn’t the strongest and really could have used a pick me up. The obvious inspiration for Jay Star’s vendetta against Fearless Inc and Carmine (David Clement) is Stan Lee vs Steve Ditko’s very public battle over Marvel (the man you’ve likely never heard of is the loser, BTW). Star’s contention that Carmine and Fearless Inc stole everything from him should be the main crux of the episode, but “Tales Of The Undead” kills Carmine off surprisingly early (and off-screen to boot!) which more or less eliminates the main source of conflict with a lot of episode still to go.

As bitchy as caretaker Mrs. Forbes is, we barely know her and we don’t know Ted Hailey, the man she sold the unpublished comic to who is discovered dead on his car hood, at all. This makes their deaths completely shrug worthy. Perhaps we can blame the motley crew of writers on this episode (2 story credits & 2 teleplay credits) for the less than stellar script?

One other complaint: while I hate to belabour the effects on a Canadian television series, Feris the robot looks really cheap and cumbersome. I don’t mind the use of slow motion when it attacks it works in conjunction with the animated sequences to replicate the experience of reading comic book, but the physical design of the suit is clunky. The lack of polish really takes you out of the viewing experience.

When the police FINALLY get involved…

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • When comic book clerk Charlie asks Ryan how Micki is working out by, Ryan replies: “What can you expect? She’s a…” A what, Ryan — you big misogynist
  • My favourite aspect of Micki’s matronly seafoam dress is the fact that it has a turtleneck component <shudder>
  • The treatment of comics — Micki calling them tripe before eventually coming around — is pretty typical of the 80s
  • Does Mrs. Forbes give off an Annie Wilkes vibe to anyone else?
  • You know that Star is a nutter when he laughs hysterically at Ryan’s suggestion that Feris has come alive. That’s not the reaction of a sane person
  • Star is a much better investigator than the Curious Good employees: he manages to track Cal down using the contest box with little to no problem
  • Proof of Walston’s command of the character: when Cal asks for proof of ID, Star snarls at him “Will a prescription do?” It is kinda amazing
  • When Micki challenges the value of comics, Ryan counters with a telling story about how they offer beaten kids a fantasy wherein they are the heroes who can’t be abused
  • I like that Carmine exists literally to provide the exposition on his 30 year battle with Star and then die. He’s so perfunctory!
  • Carmine’s escape plan is a bit misguided: he pulls the fire alarm, which typically grounds elevators, but he then immediately climbs into one, gets trapped and dies. It’s nonsensical
  • Good to see the cops involved since they almost never appear (in spite the proliferation of murders on this show). Naturally they shoot Feris and then are never seen again, even though the robot resurrects itself almost immediately afterwards
  • Actual copy from my notes: “What the fuck is that broach?!” Oh Micki — never change
  • I’m unclear why Mrs. Forbes sold the pages to Hailey so that he can sell them at an auction. Why include a middleman (who is never even seen alive)? Hailey’s inclusion feels like an artificial way to increase the body count, which is just so unnecessary
  • The climax of the episode once again finds Micki in danger, though the addition of the comic sequences do help to shake things up. Did you notice that Micki’s hair is significantly less voluminous and Ryan is quite a bit more handsome in animated form?
  • I can’t help but read Star’s final words about Ryan’s hero status a little dismissively. It’s almost as if Star is saying “oh sure, way to kill an old man, kid” Lol

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode eleven: “Scarecrow” which sees the return of director William Fruet!

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E09 – “A Kissy Faced Pimp”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

S01E09: “Root Of All Evil”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Micki (Louise Robey) must decide whether to continue tracking down cursed objects or to go marry her fiancé, Lloyd the lawyer (Barclay Hope), while Ryan (John D. LeMay) and Jack (Chris Wiggins) look for a hexed mulcher.

  • Director: This is Allan King’s sole Friday credit, but he would go on to helm more than ten Alfred Hitchcock Presents…
  • Writer: New writer Rob Hedden makes his Friday debut
  • Famous Guest Star: Enrico Colantoni, aka Papa Mars from Veronica Mars and countless other TV series

Pray to the money mulcher…

Cursed Antique of the Week: A mulcher that ingests people and spits out money based on their net worth

Setting: The Harrington Gardens

Best Death: Charles (Ian White), like many people, is fed into the mulcher, but unlike the others, he’s alive and screaming (and it’s delicious)

Quirkiest Add-On: Jack goes to visit the killer from the opening sequence, Harley O’Connor (Thomas Hauff), in the mental institution where he cackles and spins in his wheelchair

Character Bits: “Root Of All Evil” is a veritable character development piece for Micki and her relationship with Lloyd, who we learn have been separated for two months

Corny Finish Line: Still none, but that’s acceptable considering writer Hedden dedicates the final scene to a really nice emotional beat between the cousins

80s Fashion Closet: The vast majority of the episode is spent with the male characters outfitted in bulky green overalls. That leaves everyone’s favourite redhead to pick up the slack, which she singlehandedly does with her terrible “sexy” clothes, including some hideous amalgamation headband/scrunchy and the most boobalicious silver satin nightgown I’ve ever seen

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: This episode eschews incest for straight up romance as Micki is torn between her love (lust?) for Lloyd and her loyalty (love?) for Ryan. All kidding aside, the Micki/Ryan stuff is the backbone of the episode and it actually works really well

Micki’s dilemma with Lloyd takes center stage

What Works…

Let’s get this out of the way straight off the top: there’s absolutely no way that I can be objective when the guest of the week is the incomparable Enrico Colantoni. I have seen Colantoni in dozens of projects, including one of all my all time favourite series: Veronica Mars. Even in this babyfaced role (he still has hair!), Colantoni is captivating as the murderous Adrian, who falls under the influence of the killer mulcher.

The fact that Colantoni is so stellar is impressive considering that we are talking about a killer mulcher, which is absolutely ridiculous. And yet, unlike other episodes (still looking at you “The Great Montarro“), director Allan King infuses the sentient object with personality. Having Adrian kneel in front of the machine in reverence, then periodically cutting to close-ups of its spinning blades of death really helps to sell the idea that there is an unspoken (evil) connection between man and machine.

Naturally the other reason that “Root Of All Evil” works so well is because it explicitly dedicates half of its runtime to Micki and her struggle between Curious Goods and fiancé Lloyd (which I just complained about in the last review!). Let’s overlook the slightly offensive suggestion that Lloyd makes about her fidelity (in fairness, I joke about incest in literally every one of these posts) and focus instead on the good work that writer Rob Hedden and Robey do.

This is the first time that the series has allocated a substantial amount of time and energy to character development and this really helps “Root Of All Evil” to stand out. Micki is understandably torn between taking the easy way out and sticking around to aid Jack and Ryan finish what they’ve inherited. The episode does a great job at giving Micki’s anger and frustration at the situation, as well as her eagerness to make Lloyd understand why she hasn’t returned home, ample time to play out. Friday The 13th had its work cut out for it with this storyline in the pilot so it’s refreshing to see it become a substantial story arc eight episodes later.

Would I have enjoyed this episode as much without this adorably familiar mug?

What Doesn’t Work…

Admittedly I’m unsure how I would feel about the mulcher storyline if I weren’t such a fan of Colantoni. While I appreciate the unique angle Hedden writes into the cursed antique by having wealthy victims be more financially valuable to the murderer, Adrian’s plan never really materializes. Particularly aggravating is the blackmail storyline (again!) which is introduced by a drunken friend of Adrian’s who touches on his hard-run past, but this is immediately dropped and never revisited.

Friday The 13th has yet to really figure out how to afford their villains enough time to rise above their one-dimensional trappings, which puts a lot of emphasis on the charisma and vitality of the guest actor. When it’s Colantoni or last episode’s David Ferry, it works, but only just.

Bye Charles — it’s been a scream!

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Another checkmark for this episode is the super icky sound effects the bodies make when they go into the mulcher. It sounds…wet
  • Let’s talk Lloyd’s accusation that he believes there’s another man. This is actually kind of far, because of course Ryan is crushing on her. BUT (and it’s a big one) Micki has NEVER done anything to suggest there’s someone else. So Lloyd is still a total American Psycho dudebro asshole in this situation
  • Smitty (Jack Mather) the head gardener seems perfectly lovely so naturally he has to die
  • How much is $500 in 1987 dollars? That seems like an outrageous sum to blackmail a second fiddle gardener who just started his job a few weeks ago. Also: don’t raise the price exponentially in front of someone! Have the number figured out before you say it aloud or else you just come off as greedy
  • “A kissy faced pimp” may be the best insult I’ve ever heard and I want to use it all of the time now
  • I appreciate Jack’s pragmatism when he tells Ryan that Micki needs to work out her issues on her own, but it still comes off a bit cold, no?
  • Undeniable proof of Lloyd’s douchebaggery: “How many burglars do you know that wear Brooks Brothers virgin wool?” Woof!
  • Widow — and eventual target — Mrs. Harrington (Kay Tremblay) also seems genuinely nice. I’m glad she doesn’t wind up getting (too badly) hurt
  • Seriously, what is the point of the institution scene? It plays out like Grade A filler
  • Love the callback to the pilot with Veda the doll!
  • Either the lighting is atrocious and Micki and Lloyd are hooking up during the day or there’s some wonky time inconsistency going on because the crosscutting features Jack and Ryan working undercover during the day. It’s…not great for continuity if it’s the former sitch
  • While Lloyd is the main dick of the episode, Ryan is also a bit of a shitheel for slutshaming Micki for wanting to a) have sex and b) abscond with her effing fiancé. Sorry you’re a celibate loser, Ryan
  • Also: bonus points to Micki for slapping him
  • When Ryan is running away from Adrian and he randomly trips and knocks himself out? I…don’t understand
  • You know that Lloyd’s goose is cooked when Micki demands he do something to save Mrs. Harrington and he does nothing
  • I get that Adrian was driven by money, but I don’t buy (heh heh) that he would dive into the mulcher after it. That seems a little loco. Then again, he was running around killing people with a mini-scythe in plain sight, so…
  • Much respect for ending the episode on a silent, emotional moment between Micki and Ryan. They’ve had their ups and downs (just in this episode alone) but “Root Of All Evil” puts the idea of Micki abandoning their cause to bed for good. Now, let’s get back to all of that sexual innuendo, shall we?

I’m taking a breather this weekend while I take a brief vacation to Salem. See you back here Monday for Friday The 13th The Series episode ten: “Tales Of The Undead”

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E08 – “The Skirt With The Camera”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

S01E08: “Shadow Boxer”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Tommy (David Ferry), a punchy, broken-down fighter gets in touch with his dark side.

  • Director: “Hellowe’en” and “The Poison Pen” director Timothy Bond returns
  • Writer: New writer Josh Miller joins the Friday franchise
  • Famous Guest Star: Ferry would go on to play Dr. Kissinger in FX’s Legion

Killer gloves (literally)

Cursed Antique of the Week: Killer Ken Kelsey’s boxing gloves, which produce a shadow that beats opponents to death

Setting: The boxing gym

Best Death: Both of the episodes’ two deaths are the same and neither are all that impressive: punch to the face for the kill

Quirkiest Add-On: Micki (Louise Robey) randomly remembers that she has a fiancé and decides to make him a scrapbook featuring a day in the life of Curious Goods. This has nothing to do with the fact that they’ll need a camera to combat Tommy’s shadow later. 😉

Character Bits: At her undercover diner date with Tommy, we learn that Micki’s mother is Irish and her father is English

Corny Finish Line: Naturally the week after I introduce a new bit, Friday the 13th fails to deliver a funny end line. Unless you count Jack (Chris Wiggins)’s idle threat to pay Ryan (Jack D. LeMay) back for the shiner, which is more ominous (though we all know it will come to nothing because the writer’s have NO MEMORY for past events)

80s Fashion Closet: Woof – Micki is rocking an absolutely terrible looking pony hawk. None of the rest of the clothes stand out because my eyes were continually drawn to that (frankly) giant mane.

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: As mentioned, Lloyd re-enters the picture (in name only), which brings up all of the sexual tension between the cousins early on. Particularly on point is when Ryan points his ass at Micki and claims it is his best side, which prompts her to smack it. So cute, you two — maybe just fuck and put us out of our misery.

The ickiness between Tommy and Micki on their date is palpable

What Works…

“Shadow Boxer” winds up being a surprisingly good episode. Unlike some of the more poorly paced entries, there’s an appropriate amount of story here and even when the fight is wrapped up and the action moves back to Curious Goods, it feels organic, as opposed to being shoehorned in as in previous episodes.

One reason the episode works so well is the hissably entertaining performance by David Ferry. Like most of the other villains on the show, Tommy isn’t exactly complicated, but Ferry makes up for the character’s lack of depth with a truly memorable performance. Tommy is a genuine creep, especially in his interactions with Micki and he’s truly threatening in the climax when he holds her at knifepoint.

The other component that works exceedingly well are the visual effects of the killer shadow. While they’re not great by 2018 standards, it looks great (in late 80s terms) and the cross-cutting between it and Tommy’s fights provide a level of excitement and dynamic action that isn’t present in most of the other cursed objects. Contrast this with Houdin’s Box in “The Great Montarro” and the difference is night and day.

Can we not do the female pain porn stuff?

What Doesn’t Work…

Continuity is clearly not the series’ strong point. While we do get more than a few reminders of Micki’s absent boyfriend Lloyd, “Shadow Boxer” seems to entirely forget that just last episode Jack nearly had a fatal fall and had to have emergency surgery that left him recuperating in a wheelchair. None of the latter events are mentioned or addressed here; it’s as though they never even happened! This is a frequent problem with procedural television, but it is all the more glaring when a core character is nearly killed and those events are immediately disregarded.

Jack vs Shadow

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Is coach Manny (Jack Duffy) smoking a pack a day because that is one hoarse voice!
  • Unlike some other episodes that feature awkward exposition, the news that Tommy has a bad temper (that sent him to prison no less!) is organically woven into his initial terse encounter with Manny
  • At nearly 6:40 minutes, this may be the longest cold open yet
  • It’s a bit on the nose that the boxing gloves literally have the word “KILLER” stitched into them, no?
  • Friday The 13th delivers its first African-American character in the form of “Kid” Cornelius (Philip Akin). He is disappointingly not given a ton to do, but still manages to make an impression. Another thing that “Shadow Boxer” does well is create memorable secondary characters. This is arguably the best since “A Cup Of Time“
  • It’s odd how the boxing fight is only occasionally convincing. This episode really needed a fight choreographer because only around 50% of those hits look close to connecting (caveat: the later fight with Kid looks much better)
  • “There’s something I can do that you two can’t”. I’d been wondering how long it would take the writers to use Micki as sexual bait and now we have our answer!
  • What’s more gross: the way that Tommy aggressively touches Micki on their diner “date” or those close-up shots of half eaten pie with cigarettes in them?
  • The action sequence when Jack and Ryan are caught in Tommy’s apartment while the shadow threatens Micki, which includes the revelation that Tommy can be blinded via the shadow, is really effective. It involves everyone, is well shot and conveys important information they’ll need to solve the case
  • Unsurprisingly we learn that Ryan collects comics (specifically Green Lantern). This is late 80s shorthand for “Nerd!”
  • Love how Ryan just grabs the gloves off Tommy’s unconscious body post-fight (in front of everyone) and casually saunters off
  • Micki’s aggressive reaction to Tommy’s lack of punishment is understandable, but I’m confused by the shot of her looking at Lloyd’s picture in bed. Honestly all of the Lloyd stuff feels artificially inserted into this episode
  • I do not appreciate the close up shots of Micki’s breasts and tears while Tommy holds her hostage at knifepoint. It feels unnecessarily focused on female suffering simply as a visual shorthand to hammer home the danger
  • I may have chuckled when Tommy threatens to “hurt her [Micki] to death!” Am I a monster or is that line just really odd?
  • The resolution to the hostage situation is unexpected: Ryan puts on the gloves and punches both Jack and Tommy. It’s strangely aggressive and then played for literal laughs when Micki and Ryan laugh about Jack’s large black eye at episode’s end

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode nine: “Root Of All Evil”

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E07 – “He’s Turning Medicine Into A 3-Ring Circus”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

S01E07: “Doctor Jack”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: A series of slashings leads the group to surgeon Dr. Vincent Howlett (Cliff Gorman) who loves the limelight. To complicate matters, a woman named Jean (Elva Mai Hoover) is seeking revenge on the doctor for her daughter’s murder.

  • Director: Richard Friedman, who just directed “The Great Montarro”
  • Writer: Marc Scott Zicree makes his Friday the 13th debut
  • Famous Guest Star: By this time Gorman had already starred in The Boys in the Band and 1984’s notorious virgin/madonna exploitation flick Angel

Ripper’s Knife

Cursed Antique of the Week: A victorian scalpel, thought to have belonged to Jack the Ripper

Setting: Ravenbrook Hospital

Best Death: With only two to choose from, I’ll go with Howlett’s, even if it’s a boring stab wound that ultimately kills him and not getting zapped by the defibrillator

Quirkiest Add-On: I have so many questions about the opening scene: why is the flower seller peddling his wares in the middle of the night? Why does he refuse his customer change? Why does Howlett opt to kill this man in the middle of a crowded area? It’s a very confusing set-up

Character Bits: Jack (Chris Wiggins) is injured so badly that he winds up needing surgery!

Corny Finish Line: Ryan (to Jack) – “The best part is with him out of the way, Howlett won’t be sending you a bill”

80s Fashion Closet: The clothes and hair in this episode are OUT OF CONTROL. Micki (Louise Robey)’s hair has never been so close to god and her shit brown shirt/jacket with three quarter sleeve and belt is hideously ugly. The most offensive article of clothing, however, has to be Ryan (John D. LeMay)’s excessively baggy jeans and XXL dog & dot sweater.

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Virtually nothing! I am SHOCKED

Way to prove me wrong show

What Works…

This is a slight step up in quality from “The Great Montarro” if only because there’s no mystery hampering the plot. It’s pretty clear from early on who the villain is and Gorman imbues Howlett with a good amount of evil narcissism. The murderous doctor isn’t exactly a nuanced character, but I would put him on par with Le Croix from episode two, who was a decent killer motivated by power, money and/or greed.

I guess I should also cop to the egg on my face. In the very last rewatch episode, I complained that the series needs to stop endangering its core cast because it’s not believable that any of will come to harm. Flashforward to this episode and low and behold Jack immediately falls down a (short) elevator shaft, winds up needing surgery and is recuperating in a wheelchair at episode’s end. Obviously you can’t have one of the three come to significant harm each episode, but Jack’s arc here helps to sell the idea that these adventures are perilous.

Perhaps Frankenstein would have been a better historical comparison?

What Doesn’t Work…

Seven episodes in and it’s becoming clear that Friday The 13th writers regularly supplement a subpar A-plot with a bizarre secondary one. When it’s batshit crazy a la Birdie nearly killing a homeless man in “A Cup Of Time“, I’m all for it. When it is grief-stricken homicidal mom Jean (Hoover) attempting to fire a gun in an abandoned hospital hallway? Um…

While I appreciate that Jean’s story fits into the main story more closely than some of the others we’ve seen <cough “The Great Montarro” cough>, it’s not seamless. Questions abound: how does Jack keep her locked up in the hospital without admitting her? Why isn’t she arrested by the police? All in all, Jean only really matters when it comes to the end of the episode when Micki and Ryan face off against Howlett in the derelict hospital hallways, but it would have been easy enough to excise her role entirely, which begs the question why she’s here in the first place.

This is, however, a minor complaint in comparison to the most egregious one: WHY DOES THIS EPISODE INCLUDE JACK THE RIPPER? Apologies for the all-caps, but this historical component plays like writer Zicree read an 80s microfiche (“he had surgical precision” mmhmm; “he might have been a doctor” ohhh, I can use that) and then whipped up this cockamamie treatment. The inclusion of the Ripper adds literally nothing to this episode; “Doctor Jack” would have worked just as well if it were about a scalpel that allows its wielder to save lives masterfully in exchange for semi-frequent kills (which is — shocker — what the episode is actually about!). Instead the inclusion or poor use of Jack the Ripper sets up a completely unnecessary expectation that is never paid off.

Behold their hideousness! The brown suit-thing and ugly sweater

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Oh how I do enjoy spotting reused sets! Not only is the alley gate that Howlett cuts through the same as “Hellowe’en“, the elevator that Jack falls down is the same as the one Lewis died in back in the pilot!
  • Is that Jason’s machete on display in Jim Bronson (Michael Copeman)’s knife shop?!
  • I can’t believe that there’s mention of pictures of Micki and Ryan with monkeys at the zoo, but we are never shown them. What a tease
  • According to Howlett, being able to cut open a man from groin to sternum and not be arrested = surgeon power! Yeah, no wonder this guy became a homicidal maniac
  • It’s surprising that the first time we see Howlett, his surgery & speech are actually part of his job interview. Another odd story choice
  • Cribbed from my actual notes: “So where have they locked up this delirious mother? ‘Cause it’s not like you can just find empty beds in a hospital”
  • The blackmail/coercion that Dr. Price (Doris Petrie) employs to force Howlett to perform a surgery he’s not ready for — in order to solidify his role and re-establish the reputation of the hospital — suggests that Price is actually the villain
  • It is unsurprising that Howlett must not only perform Jack’s surgery but keep him alive when he realizes who he is, but it still works for me
  • Micki, Ryan and Jean make the cardinal slasher mistake when they get the upper hand on Howlett: they knock him down and then run away instead of finishing him off. Kick the shit out of him and be done with it!
  • You can see the defibrillator death coming a mile away, but what surprises me is that Micki waits until Howlett nearly stabs her. Girl, that’s dangerous! It would have been better to zap his hand, arm or head rather than wait to zap that scalpel!
  • How is Ryan not in jail considering the number of times he has picked up a murder object? Dude, don’t pull the knife out of the dead guy
  • I’ve added a new section up top, but in case you missed it, the episode ends on this corny one-liner: “The best part is with him out of the way, Howlett won’t be sending you a bill”

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode eight: “Shadow Boxer”