Queer.Horror.Movies

The curated portfolio of film journalist Joe Lipsett

[AHS 1984 Recap w/t Gayly Dreadful] “Rest In Pieces” Is DOA

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Most weeks Joe (@bstolemyremote) and Terry (@gaylydreadful) discus the most recent episode of FX’s American Horror Story, alternating between our respective sites — queerhorrormovies.com and gaylydreadful.com.

Missed the last few episodes? 9.06 “Episode 100” / 9.07 “Lady In White” 

Episode 9.08 “Rest in Pieces”: A deadly trio emerges, hell-bent on unleashing a new era at Camp Redwood. Our former counselors desperately try to keep history from repeating itself.

EXT — CAMP REDWOOD — NIGHT

Resigned to their fate, Joe and Terry are sitting opposite each other, leaning against trees.

JOE

So. Purgatory.

TERRY

Yeah…

The silence stretches for a long period. Joe runs a thumb against the blade of his knife and sighs.

JOE

What do we do now?

There’s another long pause.  

TERRY

Well…I guess…

Terry locks eyes with Joe and shrugs.

TERRY (con’t)

I guess we recap 1984?

JOE

Terry, I’m back! I’ve returned from exile to recap the last two episodes of the season with you and boy…am I ever wondering why? Because this episode was baaaaaad.

First, some kudos: big shout out to Nikki for doing a great job the last two weeks. I appreciated her musical knowledge, because I was totally lost (Kajagoogoo? Oingo Boingo? Chumbawamba? It’s all the same to me).

So now let’s turn our attention to the task at hand: trying to squeeze ~1000 words out of “Rest In Pieces” which more or less contributes nothing to the overall mythology of the season and once again simply moves the players around the board. Tragically, I saw a bunch of folks tweeting that a) this was a lifeless episode and b) this hardly feels like the penultimate episode of the season. Terry, I think this season may actually be creatively bankrupt!

The kinda/semi most interesting element of the episode is its metatextual commentary about the rise of the public’s fascination with serial killers in the 80s. This is a beat that the show has been hitting pretty aggressively hard throughout the season, but the introduction of National Enquirer writer Stacey (Stefanie Black, from Scandal) really synthesized 1984’s narrative approach. Stacey is covering the Camp Redwood music festival when she spots Brooke (Emma Roberts) and Donna (Angelica Ross) having breakfast. She then goes into a spiel about America’s love of Dahmer and Geins which would almost seem prescient, if you forgot for a moment that this is 2019 writers reflecting back on 1990 (Sidebar: why isn’t this season simply subtitled Slasher or Camp Redwood? Roughly 25% has actually been set in 1984)

Anyways, Stacey might have been a useful observer of the proceedings as we ease into the climax, but instead she’s simply killed (like pretty much every other character is, because American Horror Story writers still struggle to understand that horror fans don’t need death to find something scary or interesting).

So much of this season has been about people turning into casual serial killers and “Rest in Pieces” is no different. When Brooke learns that Stacey knows her secret and she’s not convinced that the tabloid writer won’t turn them in, she’s convinced that the only thing to do is stab her. I don’t buy for a second that her time in prison reduced her to this (what a statement to make about incarcerated people, AHS!) and despite acknowledging the time difference, this is still a jarring – and unearned – character development. At this point Donna is the only rationale, sort of fleshed out character on this show and we’re talking about the woman who only a few episodes ago released Jingles to kill camp counsellors in the name of science!

And then there’s Montana (Billie Loud)’s rant to Baby Elephant Trunk (Matthew Morrison) about sexism in killing (preach!) before she sends him away because she’s “bad” and wants someone fucked up. This is the most basic Psych 101 approach to character development: Montana’s obviously withdrawing because she’s found a man who loves and respects her (which…barf on that simplistic heteronormative idealization nonsense), but the show thinks it’s pulling a bait and switch as though they won’t end up together. Instead we just have Margaret Booth (Leslie Grossman) staring at them like she actually gives a shit, despite the fact that all she ever talks about is making money.

Who could care, Terry? WHO COULD CARE?!

Alright, I’m yelling, so I’ll turn it over to you. Were you frustrated that Stacey got killed so quickly (or does it even matter since everyone just turns up as a ghost)? Are you warming up to Dylan McDermott’s shaggy mop is doing on this season? And can we hope that the Jingles (John Carroll Lynch) storyline has finally been put to bed now that he’s been Friday the 13th’d by his dead brother Bobby into some kind of utopian picnic fantasy (eyeroll)?

TERRY

Welcome back, Joe! I’ve missed digging into the terribleness that is AHS 1984 with you. But also, I agree, Nikki kicked ass filling in and her knowledge of 80s music is bar none.  Whereas mine is just…well, the none part. And I think the music is the only interesting thing this season has done because…Joe, I agree. This has been a wasted season.

More so, a wasted opportunity to dig into the 80s fad we’re currently experiencing. As we’ve discussed, I have a love/hate relationship with American Horror Story. Sometimes it works for me; a lot of times it doesn’t. BUT even when it doesn’t work for me, there’s typically a strong theme that carries the narrative through. It might not be a good theme or a deep theme, but there’s at least some kind of foundation. That’s completely missing here.

It makes me wonder how much oversight Ryan Murphy had on this season. Between this, Pose and his Netflix deal, I think he’s being pulled in too many directions. Because even when AHS was trash, it was beautiful trash. I honestly cannot find a single thing that made this season worthwhile.

I’m glad you brought up the heteronormative idealization BS because it’s something I realized after last week. This is the straightest season of AHS. Like ever. If you think about it, the only queer representation we’ve gotten in the show is the bad porno producer and the killer lesbian trope that was Montana’s obsession with Brooke. They’ve cast LGBTQ actors, which I appreciate, but I think that’s it. It’s jarring, coming from seasons past with the BDSM latex butt sex. So you’re doing a show about the campiest decade in cinema and you DON’T lean into the queer angle?

I got nothing.

 

When Stacey showed up, I literally sighed in exasperation and wrote down “now who’s this bitch?” Why are we still adding in these minor, one-note characters at the end of the season when we should be tying up loose ends and doubling down on our main characters. She adds nothing to the story. The sentient being living on Dylan McDermott’s head adds even less. I didn’t even care about his rant about Mary Kay and pink Cadillacs. I. Just. Don’t. Care.

I did slightly care more about the Montana and Baby Elephant Trunk moment because I legit laughed when she kicks him to the curb. The note I wrote was, “Go! Go Trevor! She Harry and the Henderson’s him!” He’s the Bigfoot to Montana’s George Henderson.

But that’s all I got. That single moment. It made me chuckle. Which probably says a lot about the episode as a whole.

Now I’m frustrated. And I didn’t even get to the utopian dream sitch with the happy Jingles family. I literally said, “that’s it?!” when the episode faded out on their happy family…when not even an episode ago, the mother (Lily Rabe) tells him the wrong child died. So I’ll let you dig into that…mess, Joe.

Since we didn’t get to chat about THAT whole side plot from last episode, what do you make of this inanity? After Jingles spills all of the tea about Montana’s dealings with Richard (Zach Villa) and the resounding response was just a shrug emoji, does any of the previous season even matter? And will we see Billy Idol next episode? Who will play him? And finally with the fourth wall break mentioning The Final Girl, do we even bring up the fact that term was coined in 1992?

JOE

Oof – I’m still seething about how Lily Rabe has been misused this season. I always love seeing her, but let’s get honest: she hasn’t been well used since Asylum. Sure, watching her Stevie Nicks impression on Coven is mildly amusing, but it ain’t a character.

Here she’s basically even less than that – she’s merely channeling a number of other (more memorable) horror icons in a bizarrely whitewashed way. So no, I didn’t care for the white lady version of La Llorona (we already got that this year!) and the stilted resolution of a fantasy family reunion – if that’s what this was – makes it all the more disappointing. Do we even care if any of these people get a happy ending? This season is filled with characters who all deserved to be flushed down the crapper.

Sadly I’m throwing all of our potential “Final Girls” into that mix. Montana is sad and boring; Emma Roberts is trying to keep Brooke interesting but this latest killer angle is just poorly conceived and I fear that Donna’s racially informed comment about the treatment of Black characters is tantamount to foreshadowing…not that it matters since no one ever dies and there are no stakes!

Which brings me to the way that everyone at Camp Redwood is reacting to their situation. Kajagoogoo reappears after being brutally murdered in their RV and they’ve never sounded better? Baby Elephant Trunk is content to throw his life around to be a piece of ass for the rest of eternity? Ray (DeRon Horton) and Chet (Gus Kenworthy) are hanging around as part of a lynch mob, but they don’t even get dialogue anymore? More than any other season, 1984 has failed its actors by stranding them in a narrative that truly doesn’t give a shit about them.

I spent almost the entirety of “Rest In Pieces” feeling sorry for these talented actors, forced to slum through hackneyed narratives and bad dialogue, which tends to happen at least a few times a season, but not in such a sustained fashion. How has this show messed such a fun premise/good actors/campy subgenre?!

Ugh, I’m depressed now.

Looking ahead to next week’s finale…yes I’ll imagine that we’ll see Billy Idol and I’m guessing he’ll be played by Cheyenne Jackson or some other absent Murphy regular (in a bad wig, obviously). Will we get a rock performance for the ages, or more random deaths that are meaningless? Terry, what are your predictions for the finale…and is there anything that can save this season at this point?

TERRY

Honestly, Joe, this season has been DOA since episode two. Maybe episode one, but I was holding onto hope during that first hour that they were planning to do something interesting.

Okay, about the baby noise band, I know AHS (and Murphy in general… I’m looking at you “Wintour is Coming” Pose anachronism) likes to play with history, but like the Not Goo Goo Dolls are still around. So unless somehow the curse of Camp Redwood is broken, how are they going to do their reunion shows in the 2000s? And if you were going to immortalize an 80s band…I mean, there are probably better choices.

Yes, I am critiquing their choice of band.

But, Joe, in surprised we’ve wrung this much out of this vapid episode. I hate Kajapoopooing a season as much as we have 1984 because there’s a fine line between watching and hate watching. But the only thing this has given me is the chance to write with some of my favorite people.

I have no idea what’s going to happen in the finale and I don’t think I care? As you noted, none of the choices in Final Girl are good because the narrative has mistreated a bunch of actors who have always been fun to watch, at the very least.

Oh well.

Bring on the finale.

Next week: we’re wrapping AHS up (and we’re back on gaylydreadful.com). Here’s your promo for ‘Final Girl’:

[AHS Recap w/t Gayly Dreadful] ‘True Killers’ Opts For Killers All The Way Down

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Each week Joe (@bstolemyremote) and Terry (@gaylydreadful) discuss the most recent episode of FX’s American Horror Story, alternating between our respective sites – gaylydreadful.com and queerhorrormovies.com.

Miss a recap? Check them out here: Episode 1 / Episode 2 / Episode 3

Episode 9.04 “True Killers”: Mr. Jingles closes in on the one who got away as the counselors rally to escape Camp Redwood.

[Read more…]

[AHS 1984 recap w/t Gayly Dreadful] “Mr. Jingles” Suffers From Ryan Murphy Syndrome

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Each week Joe (@bstolemyremote) and Terry (@gaylydreadful) discuss the most recent episode of FX’s American Horror Story, alternating between our respective sites — gaylydreadful.com and queerhorrormovies.com.

Missed our recap of the first episode? Click here.

Episode 9.02 “Mr. Jingles”: Darkness descends upon the camp. Although it’s lights out, evil knows no curfew. [Read more…]

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E22 – “It’s So Cold. Cold And Dead”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

S01E022: “The Pirate’s Promise”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Ryan (John D. LeMay) and Micki (Louise Robey) visit a small seaside town which is haunted by the ghost of a murderous, long-dead pirate

  • Director: Bill Corcoran wound up directing a number of episodes of 21 Jump Street and Wiseguy
  • Writer: Carl Binder writes the first of many Friday episodes
  • Famous Guest Star: Like several others, Cedric Smith is well known for his role on Avonlea

The foghorn of doom

Cursed Antique of the Week: A foghorn that summons the murderous spirit of a pirate that trades his treasure for the lives of the descendants of his mutinous crew

Setting: Whaler’s Point, a town founded by pirates who became whalers

Best Death: None of them are particularly exciting, so I guess we’ll go with Fenton (Smith)’s hook to the chest

Quirkiest Add-On: Fenton and Dewey (Thomas Hauff) are revealed to be secret brothers, which is some straight up soap opera shit

Character Bits: This is the first Jack (Chris Wiggins)-free episode since “Scarecrow”

Corny Finish Line: There is no spoken dialogue; just the sound of the foghorn laid out over the image of a full pirate ship on a sea of fog, which is pretty on-the-nose

80s Fashion Closet: Ryan wears a thematically appropriate anchor sweater that is actually kind of fashionable. Less fashionable: Micki’s giant hoop earrings and corset at the end of the episode

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Do you think that when the cousins make their way upstairs at episode’s end, they’re going to…Oh never mind

Angus McBride looks ok

What Works…

Ugh – nothing. This episode is a total snore. I mean, at least neither Micki or Ryan winds up being the missing ancestor so we don’t have to deal with them being in any real danger.

Ok, and Angus McBride’s make-up/mask is kinda fun, albeit in a very “dollar store Halloween” kinda way.

Maximum fodder, limited interest

What Doesn’t Work…

If the last episode used all of the collective tropes to deliver one of the series’ best instalments, then this one exemplifies all of its weaknesses. There’s simply nothing interesting happening here. The villain is identified at the very start, a bunch of randoms we have no interest or investment in are murdered and the explanation for what is happening is evident from very early on (and then frequently repeated ad nauseum). This means that the majority of the episode is spent simply watching Ryan and Micki (and to a lesser extent Dewey) stumble their way through a dull, predictable investigation. We’re talking lots of books. Like lots and lots and LOTS of books.

It doesn’t help that there is no way not to compare this episode to the film that so clearly inspired it: John Carpenter’s The Fog. And while that film has its own share of narrative issues, it at least has a great score, great special effects and a host of engaging actors to prop it up (Adrienne Barbeau’s radio DJ is too sultry for words). In comparison, this episode has a bunch of white dudes and a really fake looking cave for Ryan to stumble into.

Oopsie!

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • The number of people who are casually murdered on a date in this show should inspire any single person to remain celibate for the rest of their lives
  • Dewey says Whaler’s Point is “…just a little town up the coast” to which Micki replies: “Well that doesn’t sound too far.” Huh? It could be ANYWHERE with that description!
  • When Micki fails to distract Fenton while Ryan investigates the lighthouse for the foghorn, Ryan naturally winds up hanging off the ledge as Fenton wanders around above him. This makes no sense because Fenton would FOR SURE see Ryan’s fingertips
  • The middle section of the episode really drags, save from Barney (Bernard Behrens) getting an axe to the back of the head, which is expected but still kind of cool
  • Micki kicking the door to the lighthouse in frustration is surprisingly enjoyable
  • Of all of the items that Fenton could attack someone with, he chooses a sword?
  • As expected, Dewey gets the sharp end of the pointy sword…although it sticks out of his back at a much lower angle than I would have expected. Did Fenton stab him in the groin?
  • Why does the ghost of McBride attack Ryan in the caves? This is never really explained
  • Micki delivers yet more exposition to Ryan about Fenton’s use of the foghorn to summon McBride. No shit, WE ALREADY KNOW THIS
  • “I already killed 12 people!” Lol. This line by Fenton shouldn’t have made me laugh, but it’s delivered so indignantly. Like, how many more people must he murder before he gets his bounty!
  • Oh shocker, Fenton is the final descendant. Snooooooze
  • The bit where McBride summons Fenton to him and impales him with a hook is satisfying, but bloodless. Why are some episodes so light on FX when others are a goldmine?
  • Why is Micki so distraught by Dewey’s death? I don’t get it. Just because he cared about Barney and saved her life? This is true of half of the episodes for crying out loud
  • Oh my god, even in the coda we’re still delivering exposition about why Fenton was killed. Ugh this episode draaaags

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode 23: “Badge of Honor”

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E21 – “Anyone Who Comes Near Us Dies”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

S01E021: “Double Exposure”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Ryan (John D. LeMay) sees famous television newscaster Winston Knight (Gary Frank) hack someone to death with a machete at the same time he was on the air live.

  • Director: Newcomer Neill Fearnley directs the first of two Friday episodes
  • Writer: Oh dear, “The Poison Pen” and “The Great Montarro” writer Durnford King returns for his final episode
  • Famous Guest Star: By this time, Frank has appeared on several episodes of Remington Steele while Catherine Disher would go on to a starring role in Canadian genre TV classic Forever Knight

Old timey camera

Cursed Antique of the Week: A camera that produces a murderous double of the person whose picture was taken. The original will die if the negative isn’t destroyed in five hours

Setting: Winston Knight’s apartment / Curious Goods

Best Death: Despite appearing offscreen, Cathy (Disher)’s “the killer is in the house” murder is easily one of the most terrifying deaths on the series so far

Quirkiest Add-On: In his desperation to recover the negative, Knight creates a duplicate Jack (Chris Wiggins) to do his bidding

Character Bits: Judging from Ryan’s repeated insistence about getting into Cathy’s apartment, he’s definitely still a virgin

Corny Finish Line: Not unlike “Brain Drain“, the episode ends on a downer note as Ryan hears one of his last conversations with Cathy play out while staring at her picture

80s Fashion Closet: Micki (Louise Robey) wears a black turtleneck mini, a three-quarter button up jacket and a matching motherfucking bodice. It looks SO RIDICULOUS

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Since Ryan is too busy crushing on someone else and Micki isn’t acting completely irrational (like she did in “The Quilt Of Hathor 1 & 2“), there are very few incest vibes in this episode

Machete fight!

What Works…

Friday the 13th is giving me whiplash. One episode is lacklustre, and the next is excellent. The show’s quality is all over the map, but I am happy to report that “Double Exposure” is definitely one of the best.

Part of my appreciation of this is undoubtedly personal: I like mad scientists, doubles and slashers, so this episode is checking all of my boxes. What’s fascinating is that most of the best material in the episode isn’t new territory for the series, but when it is smartly packaged, well-written and tied into the development of our core cast, it works like a charm.

Among the best features of “Double Exposure” is the examination of the camera/photograph as a reproduction that is inferior to the original. There are cameras (and images) scattered throughout the episode, including the picture that Ryan and Cathy take on their last date, the cameras that confirm Knight’s alibi in the television studio and, of course, the cursed camera that literally reproduces a subpar copy of the original. “Double Exposure” reinforces that all of these doubles are inferior copies over its 45 minute runtime. The live feed of Knight doesn’t actually prove he isn’t a killer, his double Knight 2.0 is a mindless somnabulist that can’t have its own life and, sadly, Ryan and Cathy’s picture only confirms her absence after she is killed. This is surprisingly deep material for the series.

Of course none of this would work if all of the other technical cylinders weren’t firing. The gooey vat that the doubles come out of harkens back to classic monster movies (with a touch of Re-Animator) and creating a Jack double for a machete fight in the climax is inspired. Throw in two standout supporting turns from Frank (solid) and Disher (charming and memorable) and “Double Exposure” is an episode I definitely won’t forget after five hours.

The ultimate hot flash

What Doesn’t Work…

It’s mostly a minor quibble, but I’ll confess that Jack and Micki’s initial disbelief of Ryan frustrated me. At this point in the series, it’s unbelievable that they wouldn’t trust each other about anything remotely supernatural considering it is literally their raison d’être.

Cathy’s murder is among the best the series has ever done

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • I’ll admit that I thought the villain was going to be an amphibian based on the hand that first came out of the goo
  • Still don’t care for the way the show randomly introduces new characters like they’ve always been there (see “Brain Drain” and “A Cup Of Time“). At least we’re provided context for how Ryan and Cathy met
  • Not only does Ryan try to invite himself in to Cathy’s place, he brings up the fact that she wouldn’t let him later when he’s being questioned by Detective Duncan (Tony De Santis)! Newsflash Ryan: Cathy doesn’t owe you sex because you went on a date, you dumb horny virgin!
  • The slow-motion machete attack in the alley is the first indicator that this episode is going to be solid
  • The special effects for the doppelgänger death are a little odd: initially it looks like Knight 2.0 is bleeding to death, then he turns to charr like the negative
  • Direct from my notes: “Detective Duncan provides Ryan’s name to Knight, confirming that Duncan is, in fact, the stupidest cop on the force”
  • Ryan apologizes to Cathy for “dragging her into all of this” so she’s pretty much guaranteed to die at that point
  • In case you wondered: Ryan is a boxers man
  • The nightmare sequence when Ryan is attacked through the TV in slow motion is really good. It gave me a touch of A Nightmare On Elm Street 3 and a dash of Videodrome
  • Knight puts on a good show when Ryan and Cathy visit his apartment. Maybe he should have been an actor instead of a news anchor?
  • It’s hard not to blame Cathy for her own death. If she is dumb enough to go home in spite of the knowledge that she left her purse at Knight’s house and then she calls Ryan instead of the police, well she kinda deserves to die
  • The sequence when Knight 2.0 turns on the TV while Cathy is recording her message to Ryan is shiver-inducing. It’s a quintessential slasher moment. As soon as we know that the killer is already in the house, you know she’s a goner.
  • Also: didn’t she see Halloween? Don’t hide in a flimsy closet!
  • I’m pretty sure that random strangers like Jack and Ryan aren’t allowed to just burst into a crime scene
  • Detective Vincent wants a statement from Ryan, who is crying profusely, and Jack shuts it down. Good job Jack
  • Probably should have anticipated that someone would be duplicated, but I didn’t. So it’s a fun surprise when Jack 2.0 shows up
  • Knight thinks that he’s going to win a Pulitzer Prize for catching the Machete Killer? Lol. Dude, get real
  • Argument for a standalone episode where we follow Knight’s producer Phil (Dennis O’Connor) as he is charged for agreeing to wait to call the cops outside of Curious Goods
  • Ryan realizing that Jack is a duplicate because he doesn’t know the cursed antique can’t be destroyed is good continuity
  • My absolute favourite moment of the episode is the freaking MACHETE FIGHT! Bonus points for the moment when Knight 2.0 cuts Jack 2.0 and the watery goo pours out of his wounds
  • Sidebar: Jack 2.0 has a machete, and Knight 2.0 has a machete. Is Knight (original flavour) getting them wholesale or something?
  • Does the fact that Knight meets his duplicate, then disappears in plain sight, then Knight 2.0 dies on camera mean that everyone now knows that the supernatural is real? (Yes, that’s rhetorical because I don’t expect it to happen)
  • I disagree with Jack’s claim that if Knight 2.0 had lived, he would have used the camera to continue making duplicates. There’s absolutely no evidence to support this claim
  • Sad Ryan realizes that the three of them are the cursed ones (which, duh!). The real question is whether he is legitimately upset or if he just wistfully realizes that he’s no closer to getting laid?

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode 22: “The Pirate’s Promise”

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E20 – “This Is God’s Court!”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

S01E020: “The Quilt of Hathor: The Awakening”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Ryan (John D. LeMay) is framed by the town leader, Reverend Josiah Grange (Scott Paulin), as the mastermind of all the killings sect.

  • Director: Last episode‘s director Timothy Bond returns to helm part two
  • Writer: Janet Maclean also wraps up her own arc
  • Famous Guest Star: Bernard Behrens plays Inquisitor Holmes. He would go on to play Van Helsing in Dracula: The Series, which is a thing that existed for a season

Dream a little dream of murder

Cursed Antique of the Week: The Quilt of Hathor continues to let its owner kill others in their dreams

Setting: The Penitite Colony

Best Death: Tie!

  1. Elder Florence (Araby Lockhart)’s eye plucking wouldn’t work because of her glasses and likely wouldn’t have killed her, but the gory aftermath is still enjoyable
  2. Reverend Grange’s slow motion second story fall is a solid end to a despicable character. Friday the 13th sure does love tossing characters out of windows

Quirkiest Add-On: The colony just has a giant stake built and ready to go?

Character Bits: Nada. It’s too tight a timeline for further character development

Corny Finish Line: Nothing verbal, but Ryan awakens with a gasp to the crack of lightning, which is the sound effect used to communicate that the Quilt of Hathor is being used for nefarious purposes

80s Fashion Closet: Sadly this is even worse than last episode, though Ryan does adopt an old-timey hat that makes him look like a day player at a historical reenactment place

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Yet more overacting from Micki (Louise Robey) when Ryan is put to the stake. Also, her look of affection when she lays the quilt on him in the coda once he’s back at Curious Goods is very telling

Ever feel like you’re having deja vu?

What Works…

Overall this is a fine, albeit unspectacular, wrap up to a two part episode. If you liked the first instalment, you’re apt to enjoy this. We’re provided a little more of the Ryan/Laura (Carolyn Dunn) romance, as well as more action to satisfy audience members who may have fallen asleep themselves in the more slow-paced first half.

The swapping out of villains – Josiah replaces Effie (Kate Trotter) – is disappointing to me (see below), but narratively it probably makes the most sense since there isn’t much further to take Effie, particularly once she and Josiah are married. Plus it’s evident from the start that Josiah isn’t fit to lead, so it’s no big surprise when he seizes the opportunity to take advantage of a cursed evil object for his own personal gain.

Still, it’s all a bit ho-hum.

SO. MUCH. JOSIAH

What Doesn’t Work…

If I’m being honest, I don’t know that this was a story that justified a two-part episode. I found Scott Paulin’s acting to be quite…broad (if we’re being polite) so all of the “God’s will” and other shouty line readings didn’t really do it for me. Since Reverend Grange really takes front and centre stage here, it’s hard to get away from him, which makes the episode that much more difficult to enjoy.

It’s also frustrating that we have another episode that eschews women for a male villain-centered plot. Perhaps the gendered nature of the murders between the two episodes is telling (In part one, Effie murders for love; Grange murders for power in part two) but, again, it winds up coming off as pretty reductive. A part of me is also disappointed that Trotter isn’t given more to do – she basically exists to introduce the quilt, get the ball rolling and then get murdered so that a man can take over.

As for the inclusion of a fiery set piece in each episode — cleansing ritual vs stake, with Micki freaking out in both — this winds up being far too repetitive. It’s almost as though there isn’t quite enough content to fill two whole episodes! Memo to future Friday the 13th writers: it’s not a callback when it just feels like padding.

Finally, I  love how Matthew (Diego Matamoros) is completely sidelined once Ryan decides to stay. Isn’t he still engaged to Laura? Why has that changed?!

Caught red handed (literally)

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Ohhh Jack’s “previously on…” monologue is so dramatic. Ryan is: “Alone. Alone with a KILLER”
  • How does Effie have such a sixth sense about when people are digging through her stuff? She catches Elder Florence in the act and immediately knocks her off because of her Spidey senses
  • Good gore effect on the blinded eyes, even if Florence’s glasses would have prevented such a poke
  • Things escalate quickly as the colonists accuse Ryan of witchcraft and Laura of being seduced (both are fair claims, if you wanna be honest)
  • Reverend Grange hears Ryan’s explanation…then actively chooses to believe (AND MARRY) Effie because he’s known her for longer. This isn’t suspicious at all
  • Have characters been breaking the fourth wall during the dream sequences the whole time? Josiah looks out at the audience before breaking Effie’s back and killing her
  • Interestingly the Victorian, fancy dress stuff is apparently how Effie visualizes the quilt, while Josiah has no time for such frivolous things. This is perhaps the most fully realized gender disparity Maclean introduces in the two episodes and it’s quite clever
  • Micki and Jack make a cameo appearance to announce the hearst has broken down. Thanks for phoning in, guys!
  • I quite like it when Inquisitor Holmes (Behrens) schools Matthew on being more accepting of Ryan, mostly because Matthew is such a dick
  • Brother Inquisitor calls Grange’s excuse for the mislaid quilt “convenient” so he’s immediately my new favourite character
  • In addition to killing Effie, Grange makes a series of power plays: he convinces Ryan he’s listening to him, he weaves a tale to appease the Inquisitor, then he kicks Ryan out under false pretences. Dude is working this colony like nobody’s business
  • “I never dreamed someone like you could exist.” Baaaaaaarf Ryan
  • Ryan is caught — literally red handed — over Inquisitor Holmes’ body with a knife <sigh>
  • Micki and Jack hilariously arrive just in time for Josiah to boot them out of the hearing. Again, thanks for coming folks!
  • Can we talk about how the colony just has a stake kicking around the grounds. Like, are they just always ready to burn people up?
  • Also: why is there singing? Why is there so much damn singing in these episodes?
  • Micki gets to deliver another ridiculous wailing performance while Ryan nearly burns up
  • Ohhhh a horseback vs horse carriage chase scene? Love it!
  • When did Josiah have time to hide the quilt after killing the Inquisitor? This timeline is confused
  • Seeing people fight over quilts never gets old (Narrator: it was old the first time)
  • Naturally now that they can be together, neither Ryan or Laura are willing to stick around. What a zzzzz conclusion
  • “I wish I’d never come here, never seen you, then I’d never have to leave you.” I mean, I guess that’s a compliment? I do feel like Ryan still has some work to do on his romance skills
  • So….Matthew wins? ‘Cause you know he’s totally gonna marry Laura now
  • Back at Curious Goods, Micki covers Ryan in a quilt. Shouldn’t everyone be a little afraid of quilts by now?
  • Update: oh, we’re doing the Carrie ending thing? Ok…

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode 21: “Double Exposure”