Everyone’s plotting on American Horror Story: Asylum as Dr. Arden (James Cromwell) inches closer to discovery courtesy of a well informed new patient named…Anne Frank???
Let’s bitch it out…As always, let’s do this stream of consciousness style:
- There’s a new patient at Briarcliff which means….more paperwork! Sister Jude (Jessica Lange) meets with the woman (Franka Potente) who has no tolerance for anti-semitic jokes. Not sure why that makes her crazy enough to send to Briarcliff as opposed to jail, but okaaaay…
- Look, here’s recent paraplegic Shelley (Chloe Sevigny). Gawd, she looks freaking terrible. Man, Dr. Arden (James Cromwell) has really done a number on her.
- Kit (Evan Travers) also looks like he’s been put through the ringer by Dr. Arden. Grace (Lizzie Brocheré) is not pleased.
- Motto for the episode: “In this place your story is who you are.” Let’s check out Grace’s as we flash back to see her father get killed by a guy with an axe. And oh look, her step-mother has been hacked up in the closet. Grace says it’s a frame job by her sister and sister’s lover. That’s seems convenient.
- Moving on. Dr. Tredwell (Zachary Quinton) thinks that he can cure Lana (Sarah Paulson) so that he can get her out. The tightly framed shots clearly want us to see the connection between the two. So is Quinto’s character also gay (like in S1)?
- Holy mother of gawd, make that damn lullaby end!
- Voice over courtesy of our new resident: “These people, they’re resigned to die here.” Take Lana’s advice, new girl: lose the pen (and the religion).
- Drama bomb, you guys! New girl recognizes Dr. Arden…from Auschwitz (!) Oh, and apparently she’s Anne Frank. Too bad…she seemed so sane only a few minutes ago.
- Sister Jude, upon learning Anne’s identity: “What a relief this will be to millions of school children.” Snicker – that’s so inappropriate. Anne explains her get out of Germany sob story. Seems unbelievable, but whatever works for her
- Next up, Tredwell meets with Kit. This episode is all about two person meetings apparently. Tredwell wants to help Kit survive, which tells me that he’s far too nice to survive this place and will clearly be killed soon.
- Back to Sister Jude and “Anne”: Arden is apparently Hans Gruber, SS (or so the flashback to Auschwitz tells us). Good likeness in the casting of young Gruber – that guy definitely looks like James Cromwell. Tredwell walks Kit through “what really happened” which is more or less an excuse to cut-away to Kit punching and killing various women, including a really brutal scene of him punching his dead wife. Umm…is this really necessary?
- Ohhhh, Lana’s having a psychotic break fantasizing that she’s won an award for uncovering the abuse at Briarcliff. I like how she sees a spiffy, regular version of herself speaking in halo lighting. Ah yes, remember that Lana from episode 1? She skips off to see Tredwell to make it a reality.
Meanwhile at Briarcliff…
- Kit beats the crap out of some defenseless dough. What’d it ever do to you? Poor dough! Grace won’t let him forget his own story. They’re cute together. Oh, now he’s strangling her. Rescind previous statement. Oh, no, it’s okay, that was just David Carradine-style foreplay. Yeah, dirty gross sex on the dough table at the mental institution. That ranks pretty high on my list of things that aren’t hot.
- And they get caught. Amateurs
- Hey Sister Mary Eunice (Lily Rabe)! Sister Jude asks Kit and Grace if they are “purposely trying to make a murder baby?” That may be the best line the series has ever produced.
- Sister Jude interrupts a police interview with Arden. She gleefully contributes the following zinger: “If it’s a question of the doctor’s character, I’ve got lots to say.” LOVE the animosity between these two
- I love the detective’s PC expression “lady of the night” to describe the prostitute Arden nearly turned into meat. The mention of Nazi memorabilia attracts Sister Jude’s attention. As does the detective’s inquiry of whether Kit would have the surgical skill to remove skin and a head (the guy can barely pound dough, so I think we all know that answer).
- This is going to be nasty: Tredwell is subjecting Lana to subversion therapy (aka making her barf at the sight of certain triggers). Oh man that’s gotta hurt: he’s got a semi-nudie pic of Wendy (Clea DuVall). Annnnd barf
- Is this the “conversion” part of the therapy where men force themselves on her? Yes.
- Though really, if you have to be “liberated” by anyone, it might as well be someone hot like him.
- Nope, changed my mind. What Tredwell is asking her to do is gross. On the plus side, we get this hilariously clinical line: “You will regard his physique”. Otherwise known as “stare at his peen.” Our bum watch for the night is now at one (go Daniel!)
- Therapy continues…this is appropriately uncomfortable. Watching a lesbian woman barf at having to jack-off a male patient = happy Wednesday television. Annnnd barf
- Monsignor Timothy (Joseph Fiennes) returns after disappearing for god knows how many episodes now? Anyone else forget he was even on the show?
- Sister Jude, you are not going to convince anyone of anything by name-dropping Anne Frank. “Is she now hiding in the attic?” the Monsignor asks. Touche. Oh snap, he knows that she got sh*tfaced on movie night last week!
- Fewer close-ups of Shelley’s stumps would be great. Mmmmkthanks. Did we know that Monsignor knows about Arden’s secret work?
- Love how the Mother Superior Sister Jude seeks out gives her sage advice and then just…wanders off. Alright, bye Sister!
- Revisionist history of how Grace got here. As predicted by moi, she is the one who brutally killed her father, because he was uncle-bad-touching her. Is anyone surprised? No? Bueller? Still, I like how the troubled connection between her and Kit is visually represented by the wall between their cells.
- Tredwell promises to get Lana out when he leaves at the end of the week. Yeah…that’s not going to happen. Start the Tredwell death clock!
- Next on Dr. Arden’s snuff show: let’s welcome Anne! Hye, Annie’s got a gun! And what’s behind door number one: why it’s Shelley…looking a little worse for wear (by which I mean, I like your boils!). End Part one!
What do you think about that: will Anne Frank make it out of Dr. Arden’s chambers alive? Will Kit find religion with Sister Jude’s help? Will Tredwell actually manage to sneak out Lana? And which appendage will Shelley lose next week? Contemplate via the comments below
American Horror Story: Asylum airs Wednesdays at 10pm EST on FX