A lot happens this week on The White Queen, as the mad King Henry winds back on the throne and Elizabeth (Rebecca Ferguson) gives birth to a baby boy in what appears to be the basement of Westminster Abbey.
Let’s bitch it out…
In a shocking twist (insert sarcasm here), the Kingmaker (James Frain) has once again changed his allegiances. Realizing he can never successfully get George (David Oakes) onto the throne, he makes a deal with the former queen Margaret of Anjou (Veerle Baetens) to restore her husband’s crown. What’s in it for him? He will marry his daughter off to Margaret’s creepy son so that she will one day be queen. When they join forces to stage a coup, so how do our ladies fare?
- Queen Elizabeth: after hearing that Edward (Max Irons) retreated from Warwick and George (guess there’s no room in the budget for battle scenes), Elizabeth flees to sanctuary at Westminster Abbey. On the upside, she has a baby boy in a scene that reminds me why I want to have kids in a bed with an epidural.
- Anne Neville (Faye Marsay): This poor chick can’t catch a break. She is married off to Edward of Lancaster while she is still pining away for Richard of York (Aneurin Barnard) and has one of the worst wedding nights ever, rivaling only that of her sister…
- Isabel Neville (Eleanor Tomlinson): She just had a miscarriage and is still grieving, but everyone else has moved on. Isabel realizes that her slimy husband – who is chillin’ over at the brothel – will never become King now that her father has sworn he will reinstate Henry. Isabel is approached by her mother-in-law to switch allegiances against her own father, and she’s sent to England by her father to spy on her own husband. I’m exhausted just writing this…
- Margaret de Beaufort (Amanda Hale): It starts out as a bad week for Margaret (which, as we’ve established, doesn’t really bother me any). King Edward orders her son and her castle taken away from her in retribution for her support of the previous attempted coup. However, once the tide turns, she not only gets Henry back, but he also agrees that he should one day be King and is now listening to her. Margaret continues to have the most understanding and supportive husband ever while she ruins his livelihood and makes googily eyes at Jasper Tudor (Tom McKay).
- Jacquetta Woodville (Janet McTeer): Warwick, classy as ever, puts Jacquetta on trial for witchcraft, saying it was she who orchestrated the marriage of Edward and Elizabeth. Reinforcing “it’s all about who you know,” Jacquetta informs him that Margaret of Anjou is one of her closest friends and that if she is killed, Warwick will hang. Janet McTeer does a great job in this scene – her voice conveying strength but her hands shaking as she realizes she might be convicted and murdered any second.
- Duchess of Warwick (Juliet Aubrey): “The sooner you realize your fate will always be in the hands of others, the better.” The Duchess tells Anne these inspiring words before her wedding. While she may not be considered one of the main women of the series, I find the Duchess one of the most tragic because she is the only one who has officially given up on having any role in her own destiny. Even her daughters (who aren’t known for their strength), put up a token fight and try to persuade their father to do what they want.
- Do you think David Oakes gets sick of playing incompetent, backstabbing, whoremongering d-bags in period pieces? I’ve now seen him in The Pillars of the Earth, The Borgias, and The White Queen, and he pretty much plays the same character in all of them. Not that I’m complaining (he’s actually quite good at it). I just wonder if he thinks, “Man, one day I’d love to go to work in jeans and smile.”
- How does Warwick amass an army to return to England and attack Edward when a week ago he had to flee and Margaret of Anjou failed to offer military support? Or did all the Lancaster forces fight with him? Did I miss something?
- When is Edward (the other one, from Lancaster) going to die so poor Anne can finally marry Richard?
- I understand the series is historical, but can we please introduce some characters who aren’t named Henry, Edward or Margaret? That would seriously be helpful. Maybe a nickname. King Hank?
What did you think of ‘The Bad Queen’? Who are you rooting for? Do you think Edward will get back his crown? Who do you want to see die (because let’s be honest, there’s a few contenders in the mix)? Hit the comments below
The White Queen airs Saturdays at 9pm EST on STARZ