‘Merica is focused on a sex scandal while Paris is burning. Literally.
Let’s bitch it out…
We open with Abby (Darby Stanchfield) running through the White House hallway. She takes her shoes off, so you know it’s serious. She interrupts the interview with Mellie (Bellamy Young) and Fitz (Tony Goldwyn) talking about how strong their marriage is. Since Liv (Kerry Washington) just admitted to be the president’s mistress, Abby’s timing is horrible.
Fitz, Mellie, Abby and Liv begin strategizing in the Oval when Fitz tells Mellie to literally go to her room and wait until she’s summoned for damage control. I’m sorry, WHAT?!? Eff that! Mellie is the wronged party here and he’s treating her like dirt…again. This woman was married to you for 20 years, raised 3 of your children (well, sorta, mostly the nannies did that) and got raped by your father. Could you show a little compassion?
Liv tries to fix the problem, suggesting that the White House throw her under the bus. This doesn’t make any sense to me—I’m getting whiplash from Liv’s back and forth. Why create the problem 10 minutes ago if you just want to fix it now? Bottom line: Fitz says no and they decide to make out in the Oval…’cause that’s the appropriate thing to do in these situations.
Meanwhile, Mellie gets some brains and calls in Cyrus (Jeff Perry). Mellie’s first thought is revenge, but Cyrus warns her that this is her moment and not to waste it being human. What does Mellie really want now that she has all the power? She wants the Presidency. YESSS! That is the correct answer.
Cyrus goes into negotiation mode – in order for Mellie to do an interview supporting the White House’s position, Fitz will be on Mellie’s campaign trail for President, Liv and Fitz must be discreet, Liv is never to take the Grant name, and Mellie gets a say in when Liv interacts with her kids.
Meanwhile, over at OPA the team gets shitfaced (this is the right call in this situation). What’s not the right call? Jake (Scott Foley) answering Liv’s phone call when she says to him she thinks she made a mistake. Jake! You’re hot, and your pecs are KILLING. IT. in that tight blue t-shirt. You can take down a plane of terrorists with your pinky finger. You do NOT need to be second fiddle to this shit show of a relationship. Anyhow…Jake of course tells Liv that if she says the word, he’ll drop everything to pick her up. UGH.
Fitz finally agrees to give Mellie everything she asked for. But she wants more. Poor Mellie is in that unfortunate state in which the guy that ditches you before prom and you want him to pay (we’ve all been there). You are so angry you want him strapped naked to the school’s flagpole, but at the same time you secretly hope that he’ll come by with flowers and change his mind. Oh, that’s just me? OK…
Cyrus advises Fitz to talk to Mellie. She’s lost and lonely, and she lost the other half of her team. Fitz and Mellie have a nice conversation on the WORLD’S FAKEST BALCONY, moonshine in hand, and Mellie agrees to do the interview.
But wait, Mellie and Liv also have a heart to heart in which Liv realizes how much her life will change if she is the world’s official mistress (decorating 111 Christmas trees in the White House, and putting vaseline on her teeth for photo ops). She wouldn’t even be a real person anymore, and she’d have to give up her business. I’m sorry, she is JUST REALIZING THIS?!?! Hasn’t she already realized this 27 times since Season 1?
Anyhow, in this episode’s most painful and cringe worthy scene, Cyrus begs for his job back. It is physically uncomfortable to watch, especially since we know what’s coming: “Cyrus you no longer work here.” This is the wrong answer because, let’s face it, on the list of people you don’t want to mess with #1 is The Devil and #2 is Cyrus Beane. After Fitz shuts him down, Cyrus gets Mellie to realize she gained nothing new in the negotiation and it’s not in her best interest to support Fitz. So Mellie bounces with Cyrus. This leaves Liv to give Abby the nod to do her job. In OPA speak that means throw Liv under the bus in the White House briefing room as a woman with a “certain reputation.”
So wait, what’s this episode title about? Apparently while all of this soap opera drama is going on, the Louvre is burning down! No one cares, and it only gets a tiny mention on the CNN ticker below the White House scandal coverage. But Jake cares, because he somehow realizes Rowan (Joe Morton) is involved. It must be part of a larger plan. As Rowan says, “Nero fiddled while Rome burned.” More to follow…
- That smirk on Fitz’s face when he sees Liv admit the affair on TV.
- Despite being accomplished murderers/psychopaths, Huck (Guillermo Diaz) and Quinn (Katie Lowes) can’t figure out that they should just unplug the phones when the reporters are ringing off the hook? Sigh…
- Why does Fitz not get anything? He doesn’t understand why Cyrus would want to negotiate with Abby instead of Liz. He doesn’t understand why he can’t just shut down Mellie before the interview. The man is a 50 year old CHILD! Writers, I beg you to give him some redeeming qualities ASAP.
- I love watching Abby and Liz fighting to put toner in the copier for the agreement between Mellie and Fitz. Xerox almost took down the presidency.
- Quinn: “You were going to shut down the internet?”
Huck: “No I was going to erase the internet.”
What did you think? Are you excited to learn more about this Louvre conspiracy and get a new plotline? I sure am. Sound off below!
Scandal airs Thursdays at 9pm EST on ABC