For 59 minutes I rolled my eyes, wondering why we’re back where we were two years ago. Then…”yes.”
Let’s bitch it out…
We begin where we ended: with the leaked Liv (Kerry Washington) / Fitz (Tony Goldwyn) photos. They’re incriminating, but they’re not cunnilingus on the oval office desk (a la season 1) so thank god for small favors.
Everyone’s freaking out about the larger implications while Fitz the Five Year Old is just happy he now gets to play with his toy out in the open. I know, I know, some viewers might feel I’m belittling their “soul mate love”, but I’m sorry folks, I just can’t do this anymore!
Abby (Darby Stanchfield) is not worried, she knows Fitz is about to be Poped. As in: Liv will fix this mess. Unfortunately for Abby, Liv’s Fight or Flight kicks in and you can practically see the dust behind her as she flees the White House to Quinn’s (Katie Lowes) house.
When Quinn offers her something to drink, Liv is so stressed she doesn’t even bother with a glass and she chugs straight from the wine bottle. What Liv needs is a case o’ the week to keep her busy.
Enter the hunt to return 20-something Gavin to his stepmother. Gavin was accused of murdering his billionaire father and is out on bail, and his stepmom hires Liv when Gavin skips town. Bottom Line: turns out Gavin did it and Liv gets him arrested. This entire B-plot exists for three purposes:
- Show how that Liv can still look amazing in a grey t-shirt from a Hanes 3-pack while chowing down on popcorn
- Demonstrate what happens to her when she is revealed to be the president’s mistress, ie: she gets accosted at a diner (ugh, Americans); and
- Remind us how Jake (Scott Foley) is SUCH a better choice than Fitz
Jake helps OPA with the case and through matters which are unimportant, Jake and Liv end up cuddling in a bed. I won’t lie: my neighbors may have heard me squealing at this development. Liv is contemplative, questioning how she got to where she is. What missteps led her to her current situation? Well, girl…let me take a crack at it:
- You slept with a married man who is the leader of the free world, and
- You didn’t pick Jake.
Next question. <drops mic, walks away>
Jake gives Liv strength, promising her that she’ll figure out the answers and that it’s not a crime to love the President. Then, at her request, he holds her . Has Fitz ever been this selfless? (Please note rhetorical tone).
Meanwhile in the Oval, Fitz’s main focus is finding out who leaks the incriminating photos. Dude is on a witch hunt and his first focus is broom-stick riding Mellie (Bellamy Young). It has to be her right? That hair continues to be full of secrets. Mellie is livid that he would accuse her. After all, who would want to elect a President who was a frigid senator who couldn’t keep her man happy (um…a little to close to reality?).
Fitz continues to focus on the investigation while not acknowledging the scandal at all, waiting for Liv before he makes a statement. Abby should have called in sick because the press eat her alive. Enter Jeff Perry’s Cyrus (has he worn real clothes at all this season? First he’s on the couch in a cardi, and then he’s in a bathrobe. I’m really feeling Cyrus’ househusband wardrobe). He tells Abby to “be the adult.” Be the adult and the kids will follow. It’s about damn time that someone in White House Middle School acts like one! And that’s just what Abby does when she makes an unapproved statement to the press intimating that Mellie is still living in the White House. Abby takes the choice of acknowledging the affair and divorce right out of Fitz’s hands. Well done.
Now for the two ending surprises:
- Thanks to David’s (Joshua Malina) investigating, Abby discovers that Liz (Portia de Rossi) is the one that leaked the photos! What? Why? Who cares. Abby blackmails her for equality (love that stunned look on Liz’s face at the simple request) and now she’s back in the political game!
- Fitz realizes how much being the First Mistress would hurt Liv and agrees to go along with his farce of a marriage. Just as he tells Liv of his decision, she walks to her apartment and faces swarms of reporters. Q: “Are you the president’s mistress?”…A: “YES”
- Susan (Artemis Pebdani) continues to be fantastic. At first she’s outraged at the scandal (her 10 year old daughter Casey could have photoshopped those pictures!). When she realizes the rumors are true, she calls Fitz out. He tells her: “I’m flawed, just like everyone else.” Her response: “You don’t get to be just like everyone else, that’s not the job you signed up for.” Susan drops mic.
- Is there anything LESS convincing than crazy-eyes Huck (Guillermo Diaz) growling, “I’m fixed”?
- Liv is a former swimming champion?
- Liv: “Put the gun away, they’re reporters not assassins”
- Liz: “I want the puppet to dance”
What did you think? Are you surprised about Liz the Leaker? Are you excited to finally see some pay off after a 5 year merry-go-round secret affair? Sound off below!
Scandal airs Thursdays at 9pm EST on ABC