It’s time for Big Red and the other idiots of Chester’s Mill to make their final stand because this Dome is coming down!
Let’s bitch it out…
Welcome to our series finale coverage of CBS’ Under The Dome. We’ve only just arrived at this point…two years too late. With that in mind, let’s break down the good, the bad and the Dome! for the finale.
- Lol – they’ve only been under the dome in four weeks! Amethyst crystals will save everyone! Christine (Marg Helgenberger) turning into mush against the Dome wall. What the hell happened to this show in the last thirteen weeks?
- Also: I know that the heat is meant to be severe, but watching people sweat this much is flat out disgusting. Though it did produce a really amusing recap over on TV.com
- Far too many references to the title of the finale – “The Enemy Within” – within the first two minutes of the episode. Add to that references to Dawn (Kylie Bunbury) having Barbie’s (Mike Vogel) eyes and there’s a lot of eye rolling going on in my living room.
- Oof Dawn’s blonde wig. If that thing got into a battle with Lizzie’s S1 wig on The Blacklist, which head mop would come out victorious?
- Who exactly is Kyle (Vince Foster) and why does Big Jim (Dean Norris) care if he kills him? Since when did Under The Dome give the red shirts names?
- Why does Barbie still think that Dawn/Eva is his daughter? She grew in like three days! Clearly she’s not your “little girl”. Big Red (Rachelle Lefevre) needs to smack some sense into him.
- Watching Junior (Alexander Koch) and Sam (Eddie Cahill) fight over getting to serve Dawn = zzzz. Does anyone care about this? Additionally, does anyone care when Sam dies? (Please note that these are rhetorical questions)
- Wow, lifting those styrofoam amethyst crystals looks like hard work. They must each weigh at least 1 pound.
- Big Jim is forced to fight / kill Junior for what seems like the upteenth time. Haven’t we literally seen these two battle in the woods a dozen times over the last three years?
- Oh man, that CGI when Barbie destroys the wooden beam and plunges “his daughter” into the crevasse? Wow, that is shockingly awful. Guess they spent all the finale money on Dawn’s wig.
- Also: the suggestion that Dawn actually died when Barbie dropped her into the pit? Laughable. It’s like the writers think we’ve never watched TV before.
- Why are we forced to listen to a recap of the entire series in the series finale, particularly the ludicrous Invasion of the Body Snatchers final season narrative by Colonel Conspiracy McLies?
- Hunter (Max Ehrich) working for the NSA? Norrie becoming a sniper? Big Jim becoming a Congressman? Julia not electrocuting herself handling live wires? These are all things that happen in the terrible final moments.
- Annnnnnd finally the not-so-shocking confirmation that Dawn survived. Predictable. So the fact that aliens are out and running around means that Under The Dome basically just became Extant? When will the horrors end?!
- Big Jim making puppy dog eyes at Dawn while politely requesting his dog. It is so over the top I’m surprised Dean Norris didn’t break into giggles.
- Julia’s completely disinterested reaction when Big Jim kills Kyle is hilarious. Could she have cared less that Jim just bashed a guy’s head in?
- Joe’s (Colin Ford) sacrifice for Norrie (Mackenzie Lintz) is kinda sweet. The kids end up being the show’s enduring love affair (no, no one is counting Big Red and Barbie)
- Mike Vogel getting sprayed by water in slow water = yessss. More of this please.
- Only those who aren’t showing signs of alien infection will be released…so basically all of our series regulars and none of the town’s red shirts. Meh…
Series finale drinking game:
- References to “the enemy within” – 1 drink
- References to Dawn being Barbie’s child – 1 drink
- Anytime Dawn gives anyone a sexy alien look – 2 drinks
- Red shirts are sacrificed without anyone batting an eye – 2 drinks
- References to pink stars / 4 hands – 3 drinks
- Homages to Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade – 4 drinks
- References to Barbie and Julia getting married while Coldplay plays in the background – 4 drinks
- The fact that the writers obviously didn’t know that this was a series finale and made every effort to end with a lame-o cliffhanger/twist- ALL THE DRINKS
- Julia (weakly protesting Kyle’s murder): “Jim, stop…he’s dead.”
- Colonel (when Jim references selling ice to Eskimos): “That’s derogatory, they’re called Inuits.” Yes, that’s the point.
Your turn: on a scale of terrible to eye-gougingly awful, how do you rank the finale? Were you happy with the ways that everyone finishes up? Did you enjoy the “twist” ending with Big Jim in a suit and tie?
After three years, Under The Dome has departed to the Dome! in the sky. Let us never speak of it again.