Queer.Horror.Movies

The curated portfolio of film journalist Joe Lipsett

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E04 – “Who Ate All The Chips?!”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFGXC1x2llE&t=2s

S01E04: “A Cup Of Time”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: When a series of deaths of homeless people is brought to their attention, Micki (Louise Robbey) and Ryan (John D. LeMay) discover the murders are connected to popular singer Lady Die (Hilary Shepard). Meanwhile, Jack (Chris Wiggins) must deal with unwanted attention from Birdie (Maxine Miller), a social worker with a crush on him.

  • Director: Harvey Frost, who eventually won an Emmy for Avonlea and directed episodes of Melrose Place and Beverly Hills, 90210
  • Writer: We have our first female writer! This is the sole writing credit for Barbara Sachs, who would later produce Friday The 13th Parts 7 & 8
  • Famous Guest Star: Shepard would go on to play villain Divatox on multiple iterations of Power Rangers

Teacup with Swapper’s Ivy

Cursed Antique of the Week: A teacup covered in Swapper’s Ivy, which allows its owner to trade for whatever they desire

Setting: A local (wooded) park that is populated almost exclusively by homeless people

Best Death: While the vines that rise out of the cup to strangle its victims are full of stop-motion goodness, the most memorable death is when Lady Die’s corpse tumbles out of her RV in a state of advanced decomposition

Quirkiest Add-On: Tie!

  • Birdie has a weird meet/cute all nighter (with heavy romantic overtones) with the homeless man she nearly murders
  • Jack wears a terrible looking toupee when he goes undercover to trick Lady Die into giving up the cup

Character Bits: Jack is working on an experimental food supplemental for mice involving ginseng…for no discernible reason

80s Fashion Closet: Sadly Louise Robey’s hair is kept mostly in check, but Lady Die’s voluminous rocker chic – complete with braided red clip-ons (!!!) – is a sheer (shear?) delight.

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: After clamping down on their socially inappropriate feelings last episode, the cousins adopt a new flirtation technique that involves hurling gendered comments at each other as though they’ve been married to each other for twenty years. Sample dialogue:

  • Ryan (when Micki insists on driving): “The only reason I let you drive is because you look better in the uniform”
  • Micki: “Chauvinist!”

It’s a weird, new stage of their relationship that I don’t know if I like.

Hilary Shepard

Lady Die is a fun Wicked Witch-like villain

What Works…

I’m on the record that this is unequivocally the best episode of the show since the pilot.

There’s something so delightfully fun about the retro Disney vibes that “A Cup Of Time” gives off. An old woman discovers the fountain of youth and after adopting a new, youthful appearance, she decides to become a glamazon rock star who murders homeless people in between cranking out hit singles out of appropriated nursery rhyme lyrics. Like, what?!

While Lady Die’s motivation in “A Cup Of Time” isn’t particularly complicated — or fleshed out for that matter — it is reminiscent of Snow White‘s Wicked Witch, right down to the dark robe and the offer of something nourishing to young people in the woods. The use of Kristen (Lisa Jakub), the pickpocketing child, also evokes a fairytale.

Throw in a ridiculously convoluted story that zigs and zags and “A Cup Of Time” feels like it has the episode with the most narrative meat on its bones thus far. With so much going on, the pace also zips along (compared to, say, the slog that was “The Poison Pen“). Unlike other instalments of the series that feature the same repetitive conflict, Sachs’ script repeatedly offers unexpected new developments such as Kristen’s pickpocketing of the cursed object, Birdie’s surprise break-in at Curious Goods and Jack’s toupee disguise after Micki and Ryan are taken out of the equation by the police.

Also: did I mention that there’s a rock version of “I’m A Little Teapot”? Classic!

Maxine Miller

Birdie’s sudden decision to commit murder feels…reductive

What Doesn’t Work…

Considering that this is the first episode with a female villain, it’s a tad disappointing that there is not one, but two age-and-beauty obsessed murderesses (or near murderess) at large in “A Cup Of Time.” This is, sadly, reflective of the narratives that Hollywood churns out about women, which suggests that they are all shallow and vain about their appearance. Is it representative of the time? Perhaps. That doesn’t mean it isn’t still a touch reductive.

“A Cup Of Time” also suffers from a string of very forced character introductions. Birdie arrives in the store and is greeted as though she’s a main character whom we’ve never met. Grumpy — and terrible at his job — Lieutenant Fishbein (Richard Fitzpatrick) similarly seems like he will become a recurring character: the group’s foil on the force who they butt heads with on different cases. And yet after a quick search, it is clear that neither character reappears! It’s a very odd decision to write characters as though they will be sticking around when that’s clearly not the case.

Finally, the flip side of the speedy pace means that there are a bunch of plot contrivances that don’t entirely make sense. The most egregious occurs at episode’s end when Micki and Ryan are arrested by Fishbein for Birdie’s attempted murder, but they are free in the very next scene to join Jack at Lady Die’s caravan in time for the final reveal. How did that happen?!

Hilary Shepard

I am living for those red braided extensions

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Birdie’s introduction finds her literally just walking into the store like she’s there every day
  • How are Micki and Ryan able to just walk into the morgue while a body is being examined? It’s almost as preposterous as Micki challenging Fishbein with this line: “We were just wondering why so many people are being murdered in our neighbourhood?”
  • It’s disappointing that Fat Eddie is name-dropped, but we only seen his skeleton
  • I may have cackled when Kristen, a child of approximately seven or eight years old, pushes Micki, a full grown woman, over and then is nearly hit by Ryan’s car
  • Ryan’s exchange with Birdie about age is also pretty funny. Ryan: “I think age is all in the mind.” Birdie: “Too bad you need a young mind to think that way!” Sick burn, Birdie
  • I’m completely unsure why the conversation between Kristen and the Lady Die groupie outside of the radio station exists, but it is extremely bizarre. Kristen asks if the woman’s costume hurts to sleep on. Her reply: “Only when I roll on my face”. Ok then!
  • Nice touch giving Kristen a Tales From The Crypt comic considering how much Friday The 13th The Series is indebted to the older property
  • The slasher POV shots in this episode really work for me, even when it’s used in bait and switch scenes like Kristen being chased by Micki and Ryan
  • The Showgirls fan in me almost fell off the couch at the line “Who ate all of the chips?” Who knew that one of the most notorious films of the 90s drew inspiration for ones of its oddest lines from little olde Friday The 13th The Series? (That’s rhetorical; don’t @ me)
  • I like the twist that it is Birdie and not Lady Die who steals the cup from Curious Goods, but it is a really odd twist for the kindly old woman to nearly become a murderer. That’s not even the strangest development of this section of the episode, which finds the older woman spend the rest of the night chatting with her would-be victim. SO WEIRD
  • Also: the amount of salivating that people have for tea in this episode is confounding. No one in North America likes tea that much!
  • Kudos to the makeup team for Lady Die’s progressively deteriorating look. It’s obviously just prosthetics and wigs, but it looks pretty good
  • Sachs should be ashamed of ending the episode with such a terrible Dad Joke: “Do you wanna play tea party?” Oh ha ha ha! Ugh

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode five: “Hellowe’en” when Uncle Lewis returns (FUCK YES)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEZgYhwDudc

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E03 ““He Left With This Girl — Kind Of Attractive”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfvWCkgz2Kg&t=1s

S01E03: “Cupid’s Quiver”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Jack (Chris Wiggins), Micki (Louise Robey) and Ryan (John D. LeMay) search for a cursed statuette in the houses of a local college. When they finally find it, it’s in the hands of Eddie (Denis Forest) a lonely misfit with an unrequited love for popular girl Laurie (Carolyn Dunn).

  • Director: Atom Egoyan, only one of the most important Canadian directors EVER
  • Writer: Stephen Katz, who by this time had already worked extensively on The A-Team
  • Famous Guest Star: Forest isn’t famous, but he would go on to appear in War of the Worlds and three more episodes of this series

The bland cursed object: Cupid of Malek

Cursed Antique of the Week: A statue of the Cupid of Malek, with a hideous visage

Setting: The local university (and a bizarre giant boiler room)

Best Death: Hands down the woman who is doused in honey and imprisoned in a truck with a hive of bees. It is GONZO crazy

Quirkiest Add-On: Harold (Dennis Fitzgerald), the head of fraternity Delta Lambda Kai, has such an odd, unusual way of speaking. It’s very slow and his cadence is very low and I kept expecting him to murder someone

Character Bits: Jack knows how to make a sodium pentathol cocktail (because of course he does)

80s Fashion Closet: Sadly nothing too crazy, though Micki’s three sizes too big leather jacket is a favourite stand out

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: After nearly porking at the monastery in the last episode, the cuzes manage to keep their mitts off each other…right up until the end when Ryan point blank asks Micki out after getting blown off by Laurie. Smooth move, buddy

Denis Forest

Please read my thesis: “Voyeurism and Fetishization in Early Egoyan”

What Works…

Look, if we’re being honest, this isn’t the most exciting episode of Friday The 13th The Series. The cursed artefact doesn’t have a ton of character, the plot is relatively straightforward and there’s no fun guest star to get excited about.

Except that “Cupid’s Quiver” is literally directed by one of the most important Canadian directors of all time. That’s right, a tiny little Canadian horror television series nabbed Atom Egoyan to direct an episode!

Forgive the fangirling, but this is such an odd turn of events. For folks who are unfamiliar with Egoyan, he would go on to direct major festival hits Exotica and The Sweet Hereafter, which was nominated for two Oscars back in 1998, including Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Director. He makes super prestigious films about memory, regret, trauma and sexuality and, particularly during his heyday in the 90s, he was neck and neck with David Cronenberg as Canada’s most esteemed director.

What’s fascinating about “Cupid’s Quiver” then is how closely it mirrors the thematic concerns that define Egoyan’s oeuvre. This episode comes relatively early in his career, before he began gaining notice for (admittedly still small) films such as Speaking Parts (1989) and The Adjuster (1991) – the latter of which is a personal favourite and a must watch for anyone who finds Elias Koteas both hot and scary.

Egoyan’s early work frequently examined how technology, in particular cameras and video, plays into voyeurism and sexual fetishism. His characters are often unable to connect physically or emotionally because they are at a distance from other another (hence the need for a lens to get closer, as well to capture for posterity). Even though “Cupid’s Quiver” wasn’t written by Egoyan, Eddie’s inability to actually engage with women drives him to photograph them. Even when he does engage them in conversation, he is incapable of regarding them as anything other than sexual objects, divided up fetishistically into parts.

Egoyan represents this visually with point of view close ups of the women’s lips and busts, and these isolated body parts are reinforced in the photographic collage that Eddie constructs in his boiler room wall. The shrine-like images and the conflation of sex, love and obssesion in Friday The 13th is a low-tech version of the same concept that Egoyan would explore in nearly all of his films throughout the late 80s through to the mid-90s.

Louise Robey, Denis Forest

The confusing climax of “Cupid’s Quiver”

What Doesn’t Work…

As mentioned above, aside from the fascinating linkages between this episode and Egoyan’s later output, “Cupid’s Quiver” is fine, but hardly exceptional. Forest’s committed performance as Eddie is a standout, though he’s less of a character than a prototype “incel” – a disgruntled man who believes that he’s owed sex by women. It would have been nice to have dug into Eddie’s psyche a little more; instead the production team slaps a big zit on his cheek and greases up his hair and calls it a day.

A lot of blame can be placed on the cursed object, which isn’t at all threatening (or even all that interesting). There’s no explanation if the statue exudes some kind of pull on sexually frustrated men and, not unlike episode two, the narrative suffers from a little too padding (here it’s in the form of Richard Alden’s idiot campus security guard who foolishly confiscates the Cupid from Micki and Ryan and then literally hands it back to Eddie for no discernible reason).

Throw in a badly edited final fight sequence that has a number of continuity errors (Eddie burns his face in steam, but suffers no visible effects? Amazing!) and this episode simply isn’t that memorable.

Dennis Fitzgerald

Harold is such an odd duck

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Strategy for men who suck at dating: maybe stick with approaching women who are single and available, rather than women who are clearly already with someone
  • That honeymoon suite is garishly horrific. It’s like Suspiria puked all over a cheap fleabag penthouse. All I can imagine is the migraine that would accompany that flashing neon light coming in through the window
  • Also: what woman moans “Oh, so good, so good!” during sex?
  • There’s a weird conflation between the statue and the fraternity that the episode always skirts. I wonder if in an original draft it was fraternity members who did the killing (or is the assumption simply that frat boys don’t need the assist because they’re all beefcakes?)
  • When Micki criticizes Ryan for suggesting that they impersonate the cops again, he counters with: “It worked last time, didn’t it?” Were these episodes aired out of order because they impersonated cops in the pilot, not the second episode
  • I love that Micki and Ryan make no effort to dress differently for the party than when they attempted to sneak into the frat house earlier that day. They really suck at this undercover thing
  • When Jack enquires after Eddie the bartender describes the woman he left with as “kind of attractive”. Umm, no one asked for your opinion on the physical attributes of your customers, buddy
  • Hilarious Harold dialogue: “They always end up running away from me”. It’s because you’re a loser, Harold!
  • Questions I have about the climax:
    • Where did Eddie’s axe come from?
    • Why does Micki pass out?
    • Why doesn’t Eddie have any residual burns from the steam where he cuts the pipe?
  • Finally, what’s with the ominous camera tilt up to the gargoyle head above the vault door when Jack ominously announces that they might fail if they ever have to recapture the cursed objects they’ve stored in the vaults? Is that just a really bad example of foreshadowing?

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode four: A Cup of Time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFGXC1x2llE

Friday The 13th Series Rewatch: S01E02 “He Should Have Stuck To Pencils”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://youtu.be/tGgTLgLPg_o

S01E02: “The Poison Pen”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: After reading a news story, Micki (Louise Robey), Ryan (John D. LeMay) and Jack (Chris Wiggins) track an antique quill pen to a monastery famous for its “Oracle of Death”. In order to enter, all three have to disguise themselves as monks.

  • Director: Timothy Bond, who would go on to direct several Alfred Hitchcock Presents… episodes and lots of Canadian TV series
  • Writer: Durnford King, who also wrote for the Highlander TV series
  • Famous Guest Star: Colin Fox as villainous Brother Le Croix, known for his voice work on Babar, Legend of Zelda and Beetlejuice

The titular Poison Pen in all of its glory

Cursed Antique of the Week: The titular Poison Pen (duh), a quilled silver pen with the feather of a Chilean condor (“the worst kind”, don’t you know?)

Setting: The Eternal Brotherhood monastery

Best Death: Tie!

  1. After taking over the role of Abbot, Arrupe (Gillie Fenwick) is smothered by his bed, which descends on him while he’s sleeping
  2. Brother Currie (Larry Reynolds) commits suicide by decapitation

Quirkiest Add-On: When Micki and Ryan first take a tour of the monastery, one Brother is randomly self-flagellating in the hall and it is not treated as odd in the slightest, despite the fact that this would be A VERY ODD THING

Character bits: Jack apparently knows a ton about both bird feathers and South American spiders

80s Fashion Closet: Not a ton of period-relevant clothes to mock, but we HAVE to talk about Micki’s undercover disguise. This shizz is not fooling ANYONE.  She literally looks like a woman wearing a robe, but (of course!) this somehow manages to fool everyone at the monastery. It’s so dumb

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: After helping her to wrap her bust, Ryan tells Micki “You’re the cutest boy I’ve ever seen”. This is both creepy and just a touch gay

Gillie Fenwick

Brother Arrupe (Gillie Fenwick) does his best Freddy Krueger impression

What Works…

While the case of the week drags on for far too long (more on that below), I really appreciated that all three of our core cast got to get involved. In the pilot episode, Jack was effectively sidelined for long stretches, so his second act appearance at the monastery here is very welcome. There’s still a suggestion that the writers don’t entirely know what to do with everyone, but “The Poison Pen” is an improvement because all three characters get at least one solo moment to contribute to the case and shine.

As icky as the implied romantic relationship between the cousins is, this episode strikes a good comedic balance between Micki and Ryan. There’s some great banter between them when Micki learns about the single room assignment and the communal shower and their bickering while working the grounds is good for a chuckle or two. Micki’s vow of silence undercover work gives Robey a lot of opportunities to shine and she definitely rises to the occasion in this episode.

Finally, while there are no show stopping action sequences like Uncle Lewis’ basement chase scene, there are two incredibly memorable visuals from this episode:

  1. The opening scene when Abbot Capilano (Lewis Gordon) floats into the air off the roof before plummeting to his death. Between the creepy, dread-infused whispered reading of the perfect cursive writing and Capilano’s unexpected delight at what he perceives to be a religious miracle, it’s a great start to the episode
  2. The image of Arrupe being smothered by his bed, particularly when the sheet presses tight over his face like Freddy Krueger coming out of Nancy’s wall in the original Nightmare on Elm Street
A.C. Peterson

Hey Brother Drake (A.C. Peterson), what’s your deal?!

What Doesn’t Work…

OHMYGOD the pacing! After the pilot episode pulls double duty to introduce the characters and set up the case of the week premise of the show, rely solely on the latter storyline for this second episode makes it feel like things are happening at a positively glacial pace. Part of the problem is that “The Poison Pen” sets up the villain of the piece as a mystery when it is painfully obvious that it is Le Croix from very early on, which makes Micki, Ryan and Jack look inept for not zeroing in on him earlier.

Another issue is that it is unclear exactly how the pen’s effects work. Clearly whatever horrible fate is written comes to pass (RIP real Matthew and Simon, who died from the poisonous spider bites instead of Micki and Ryan), but what is the time frame between writing and occurrence? At most points it seems immediate, but Le Croix mentions that Brother Currie left behind a number of predictions following his death. This is likely simply the villain covering his tracks, but it’s also not the best writing.

Finally, what is the role of Brother Drake (A.C. Peterson), Le Croix’s muscle, in all of this? Initially it appears that he’s working in cahoots with Le Croix to hide Brother Currie (Larry Reynolds) AKA the “Oracle of Death”, but when it is revealed that Le Croix is actually up to nefarious deeds, Drake seems shocked and turns on him. Again, it can be deduced that Drake was initially protecting the monastery and a fellow monk, but it’s not handled as well as it could be.

Paging Billy from Black Christmas!

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • The litany of conditions that prevent Micki and Ryan from seeing Brother Currie becomes hilariously long as the episode progresses: he’s in seclusion AND he’s taken a vow of silence AND he’s maybe a prisoner
  • OF COURSE Ryan doesn’t know Nostradamus. It’s not it’s totally common knowledge or anything <face palm> Tarot cards, fortune tellers, fortune cookies
  • Micki’s inability to remain silent, particularly as the episode progresses, is easily one of the highlights for me. She literally makes no effort at the end and her feminine voice is exceedingly distinctive!
  • Also: at one point Micki complains LOUDLY about how she just wanted to get married and settle down. Can someone please teleport back to the late 80s to teach her about feminism?
  • When Le Croix yells at Ryan following Arrupe’s death, all I could think of was how bad it would look to chastise clergy who are visiting the monastery. Jack joins them after Arrupe’s death
  • The rationale for Le Croix’s actions are appallingly bland: he wants money for a book advance on the Oracle’s story and a payout for selling the monastery to a real estate developer
  • Chekov’s Spider: You had to know that Micki’s fear of arachnids would come into play after she’s terrified of one out in the fields, but this is nicely upended when she and Ryan are saved from Le Croix’s effort to kill them because they aren’t who they say they are
  • The scene of Drake spying on Micki is the shower is very Black Christmas voyeur, no?
  • The resolution to the Le Croix threat is actually pretty clever: Jack tricks the greedy monk into writing his own death sentence on his original invoice for the pen. It’s a clever way to dispose of him
  • Oof, the effect of the flying guillotine has not aged well

Come back tomorrow for a review of Friday The 13th The Series episode three: “Cupid’s Quiver”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfvWCkgz2Kg

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E01 “So Much For Innocent Playthings”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://youtu.be/2oLm5C1Or-w

S01E01: “The Inheritance”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: When Micki Foster (Louise Robey) and her cousin, Ryan Dallion (John D. LeMay), inherit an antique shop from their late Uncle Lewis Vendredi (R.G. Armstrong), they soon meet an old friend of Lewis’ named Jack Marshak (Chris Wiggins). He reveals to them that their inheritance comes with a devil’s curse.

  • Director: William Fruet, who is credited with multiple episodes of War of the Worlds, Goosebumps and Poltergeist: The Series
  • Writer: Bill Taub, who also wrote several episodes of Dallas and Relic Hunter
  • Famous Guest Star: Future Avonlea star (as well as mega talented director) Sarah Polley stars as devilish child Mary Simms
Sarah Polley

Sarah Polley is the real villain of “The Inheritance”

Cursed Antique of the Week: Veda, the talking doll who murders on command

Setting: The suburbs (shudder!)

Best Death: There’s actually only one death, but for my money the near death of Mary’s babysitter (Esther Hockin) — by telekinetic records, possessed stuffed animals and strangulation by skipping rope – is the most silly and fun

Quirkiest Add-On: There’s a random black cat hanging around in Uncle Vendredi’s car whose sole purpose is to scare Micki

Character Bits: Micki leaves behind a fiancé Lloyd (Barclay Hope). Since this is a pilot, I’ll be curious to see if Lloyd ever returns

80s Fashion Closet: Compared to where the series takes Micki’s looks, particularly her red mane, this is pretty understated. Still, I can’t help but love the 80s fashion on display the first night that she arrives at Vendredi’s shop: is she wearing a bathrobe or a trench coat? Who can tell?! The worst offender, however, has to be Ryan’s sales day look, which includes a button up shirt, tie and shorts(!) This outfit is criminal

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Aside from a few lines when Ryan protests Micki’s desire to sell the store and high tail it out of there to get back to Lloyd, the premiere doesn’t lean too hard into inappropriate cousin territory

R.G. Armstrong

Uncle Lewis (R.G. Armstrong) plummets to Hell

What Works…

As a pilot, “The Inheritance” is pulling double duty to establish both the premise and characters. The cold open, which introduces Veda the evil doll and the cursed object shop, goes a long way towards developing the series’ trademark dark, mischievous tone.

Fruet’s direction during this extended opening sequence — when shop owner Lewis Vendredi is plagued by ghosts before he is electrocuted and dropped down an elevator shaft to Hell — is particularly well done. Fruet keeps the camera moving, swooping and diving around the atmospheric ruins of the basement, to create a sense of excitement and unease. This opening sets the standard and acts as the blueprint for all of the action sequences to come.

The banter and camaraderie between Micki and Ryan debuts in slightly muted form, but that is understandable since they don’t know each other very well. Veda the doll and entitled brat Mary (Polley) is a good first case for the pair: it offers some mild scares (Fruet makes good use of the doll’s eyes) but it is also resolved relatively easily, leaving additional time to fully introduce the core cast and firm up the premise.

Plus Polley is (unsurprisingly) great at playing a petulant little girl. Mary is a terror in her own right and it’s a joy watching her get her comeuppance in the climax. Hmmm…maybe this is why I shouldn’t have kids.

Sarah Polley, Lynne Cormack

Veda murders Mrs Simms (Lynne Cormack)

What Doesn’t Work…

Let’s be honest: dolls can be freaky, but they’re very rarely scary. Veda enables Mary’s worst qualities, but the malicious child is far more unsettling than her animated doll. At the end of the day, Veda is more of a master manipulator than a figure of terror, which is what makes the scene when Veda smothers (chokes?) Mary’s stepmother Irene (Lynne Cormack) so laughable. It’s clearly an actress holding a doll and screaming. That’s funny, not scary.

The same can be said of the climax, which finds Micki and Ryan battling Mary for Veda on an out of control Merry-Go-Round. Fruet does his best to make the entire playground sequence threatening, shooting from low angles and clouding the sky over with some primitive late 80s FX, but none of this can disguise the fact that it takes an eternity for two adults to pry a doll out of a young girl’s hands.

The fact that Veda essentially becomes dormant immediately afterwards and is easily placed back in the Curious Goods vault without incident also feels like a lost opportunity. There’s easily room for one last scare…but nothing happens. It’s a mildly underwhelming way to end the first case.

One final, minor quibble: Jack is essentially introduced and then sits out the rest of the episode. While Micki and Ryan are our defacto leads, the pilot episode doesn’t have a grasp on how best to utilize the third (older) member of the cast and it shows.

Sarah Polley, Louise Robey

Just grab the damn doll, Micki (Louise Robey)!

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • I love that the pilot episode literally opens on a dark and stormy night
  • Why would Mr and Mrs Simms bring a small child into an antique store and then expect her NOT to touch anything? Honestly, they brought this nightmare down on themselves
  • My notes when Mary first appears on screen: “OHMYGAWD is that Sarah Polley?!?!”
  • “Nothing’s for sale in here!” Well that’s just a terrible business model, Uncle Lewis
  • The flaming hooves footsteps coming down the stairs after Uncle Lewis and the demonic laugh is a nice touch
  • The switch to 80s sitcom music as Micky packs is a jarring transition, but I kinda love it
  • Is Ryan’s “turbulence” reference about Micki’s hair? I am SO psyched for her increasingly ridiculous hairstyles
  • The whole sequence when Micki gets locked in the vault with Veda, then winds up opening the trap door to reveal the hidden manifest in the ceiling is bizarrely convoluted
  • Good comedy: Ryan tells Micki that they’re selling the store over his dead body. Smash cut to the exterior of the store with sale signs all over the windows
  • Jack’s introduction as a hooded figure sneaking through the store at night is odd. It also suggests that maybe Micki and Ryan should learn how to lock a fucking door
  • Our demon terminology for the episode is “Dusins”, which describes Uncle Lewis’ devil worship/pact in exchange for wealth and immortality. The more you know!
  • Jack: “You don’t break a pact with the Devil.” Ryan: “You don’t? Why?” I mean, Ryan, come on man…
  • The episode ends with the store being renamed Curious Goods and a (re)confirmation of the show’s premise to reclaim every cursed item that they sold. But where to begin? CLIFFHANGER (dum dum dum)

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode two: The Poison Pen!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGgTLgLPg_o&t=3s