Queer.Horror.Movies

The curated portfolio of film journalist Joe Lipsett

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E10 – “Tell Me Boy, How Does It Feel To Be A Hero?”

by

Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://youtu.be/5I1nD741e8w

S01E010: “Tales Of The Undead”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Ryan (John D. LeMay) witnesses an attack by a character from his favorite comic book. To learn more, Ryan tracks down the comic’s creator, a bitter man named Jay Star (Ray Walston) with a vendetta against his former business partners.

  • Director: Lyndon Chubbuck makes his Friday debut
  • Writer: Bill Taub (“The Inheritance” and “Hellowe’en“) & Marc Scott Zicree (“Doctor Jack“) are credited for the teleplay
  • Famous Guest Star: Prolific actor Walston (Picket Fences) and Canada star David Hewlett (Cube; Stargate: Atlantis) appear

Animated Feris the Invincible

Cursed Antique of the Week: A comic that allows its possessor to become an invincible robot, Feris

Setting: The Star Mansion

Best Death: Mrs. Forbes (Michele George) is smashed against a wall and a squib in her back explodes? Lol. The fake blood is not exactly correctly positioned so when she bangs her head it shoots up her back and it’s quite amusing

Quirkiest Add-On: This is the first Jack/Chris Wiggins-free episode of the series

Character Bits: Ryan more or less admits that he was bullied and beaten up as a child

Corny Finish Line: See the incest section below

80s Fashion Closet: Micki’s jewelry is out of control in this episode: she’s got a giant ugly circle broach that she wears on her comically-oversized shit brown trenchcoat for most of the episode. Then in the final scene she wears a band above the elbow, which looks like something Elizabeth Taylor would wear on the set of Cleopatra. Throw in Micki’s matronly seafoam green gown in the opening scene and we don’t even need to critique her ridiculous hair for laughs!

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: The pair make it nearly all the way through the episode…and then some weird smooth saxophone comes on when they talk about etchings in the final scene. Micki even adopts a provocative pin-up pose for her dialogue: “What is that a line? Wanna come upstairs and see my etchings?” Throw in a fourth wall wink about Spiderman #1 from Ryan and this ending is all kinds of barfy innuendo.

Comic Micki has less voluminous hair

What Works…

While I have issues with both Cal (Hewlett)’s motivation and Star’s murder list prioritization, both guest stars acquit themselves well. Obviously I could have done with more of Hewlett, who barely appears before Star murders him, but like last episode this has more to do with my appreciation for the actor Hewlett will become rather than the role of Cal itself.

Walston, on the other hand, is excellent (as always). Star isn’t the most challenging role for the veteran actor as the villainous old man doesn’t have a ton of nuance, but Walston is deeply dedicated. He convincingly sells Star’s anguish and rage, with a smidge of entitlement peeking out underneath. The episode certainly would have been less watchable without an actor of his gravitas in the role.

The other element that works are the comic interstitials that mark the transition from human to robot. Modeled like the panels of a comic book, these animated stills are a great way to cover up for a limited production budget and, more importantly, tie in perfectly with the episode’s cursed object. Plus the artwork is just fun to look at.

Forbes’ blood squib may be incorrectly positioned

What Doesn’t Work…

After back to back episodes that address the series’ lingering continuity issues, we’re firmly back into procedural “case of the week” territory, with nary a mention of Jack’s absence or any kind of lingering issues about Lloyd’s departure. This is more of an observation than a true criticism at this point, since it is clear that continuity between episodes is apt to be an ongoing issue throughout the rest of the series.

Focusing on the case at hand, the plotting isn’t the strongest and really could have used a pick me up. The obvious inspiration for Jay Star’s vendetta against Fearless Inc and Carmine (David Clement) is Stan Lee vs Steve Ditko’s very public battle over Marvel (the man you’ve likely never heard of is the loser, BTW). Star’s contention that Carmine and Fearless Inc stole everything from him should be the main crux of the episode, but “Tales Of The Undead” kills Carmine off surprisingly early (and off-screen to boot!) which more or less eliminates the main source of conflict with a lot of episode still to go.

As bitchy as caretaker Mrs. Forbes is, we barely know her and we don’t know Ted Hailey, the man she sold the unpublished comic to who is discovered dead on his car hood, at all. This makes their deaths completely shrug worthy. Perhaps we can blame the motley crew of writers on this episode (2 story credits & 2 teleplay credits) for the less than stellar script?

One other complaint: while I hate to belabour the effects on a Canadian television series, Feris the robot looks really cheap and cumbersome. I don’t mind the use of slow motion when it attacks it works in conjunction with the animated sequences to replicate the experience of reading comic book, but the physical design of the suit is clunky. The lack of polish really takes you out of the viewing experience.

When the police FINALLY get involved…

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • When comic book clerk Charlie asks Ryan how Micki is working out by, Ryan replies: “What can you expect? She’s a…” A what, Ryan — you big misogynist
  • My favourite aspect of Micki’s matronly seafoam dress is the fact that it has a turtleneck component <shudder>
  • The treatment of comics — Micki calling them tripe before eventually coming around — is pretty typical of the 80s
  • Does Mrs. Forbes give off an Annie Wilkes vibe to anyone else?
  • You know that Star is a nutter when he laughs hysterically at Ryan’s suggestion that Feris has come alive. That’s not the reaction of a sane person
  • Star is a much better investigator than the Curious Good employees: he manages to track Cal down using the contest box with little to no problem
  • Proof of Walston’s command of the character: when Cal asks for proof of ID, Star snarls at him “Will a prescription do?” It is kinda amazing
  • When Micki challenges the value of comics, Ryan counters with a telling story about how they offer beaten kids a fantasy wherein they are the heroes who can’t be abused
  • I like that Carmine exists literally to provide the exposition on his 30 year battle with Star and then die. He’s so perfunctory!
  • Carmine’s escape plan is a bit misguided: he pulls the fire alarm, which typically grounds elevators, but he then immediately climbs into one, gets trapped and dies. It’s nonsensical
  • Good to see the cops involved since they almost never appear (in spite the proliferation of murders on this show). Naturally they shoot Feris and then are never seen again, even though the robot resurrects itself almost immediately afterwards
  • Actual copy from my notes: “What the fuck is that broach?!” Oh Micki — never change
  • I’m unclear why Mrs. Forbes sold the pages to Hailey so that he can sell them at an auction. Why include a middleman (who is never even seen alive)? Hailey’s inclusion feels like an artificial way to increase the body count, which is just so unnecessary
  • The climax of the episode once again finds Micki in danger, though the addition of the comic sequences do help to shake things up. Did you notice that Micki’s hair is significantly less voluminous and Ryan is quite a bit more handsome in animated form?
  • I can’t help but read Star’s final words about Ryan’s hero status a little dismissively. It’s almost as if Star is saying “oh sure, way to kill an old man, kid” Lol

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode eleven: “Scarecrow” which sees the return of director William Fruet!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTKPWhPvmRE

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E09 – “A Kissy Faced Pimp”

by

Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://youtu.be/VA1QBUvjRfo

S01E09: “Root Of All Evil”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Micki (Louise Robey) must decide whether to continue tracking down cursed objects or to go marry her fiancé, Lloyd the lawyer (Barclay Hope), while Ryan (John D. LeMay) and Jack (Chris Wiggins) look for a hexed mulcher.

  • Director: This is Allan King’s sole Friday credit, but he would go on to helm more than ten Alfred Hitchcock Presents…
  • Writer: New writer Rob Hedden makes his Friday debut
  • Famous Guest Star: Enrico Colantoni, aka Papa Mars from Veronica Mars and countless other TV series

Pray to the money mulcher…

Cursed Antique of the Week: A mulcher that ingests people and spits out money based on their net worth

Setting: The Harrington Gardens

Best Death: Charles (Ian White), like many people, is fed into the mulcher, but unlike the others, he’s alive and screaming (and it’s delicious)

Quirkiest Add-On: Jack goes to visit the killer from the opening sequence, Harley O’Connor (Thomas Hauff), in the mental institution where he cackles and spins in his wheelchair

Character Bits: “Root Of All Evil” is a veritable character development piece for Micki and her relationship with Lloyd, who we learn have been separated for two months

Corny Finish Line: Still none, but that’s acceptable considering writer Hedden dedicates the final scene to a really nice emotional beat between the cousins

80s Fashion Closet: The vast majority of the episode is spent with the male characters outfitted in bulky green overalls. That leaves everyone’s favourite redhead to pick up the slack, which she singlehandedly does with her terrible “sexy” clothes, including some hideous amalgamation headband/scrunchy and the most boobalicious silver satin nightgown I’ve ever seen

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: This episode eschews incest for straight up romance as Micki is torn between her love (lust?) for Lloyd and her loyalty (love?) for Ryan. All kidding aside, the Micki/Ryan stuff is the backbone of the episode and it actually works really well

Micki’s dilemma with Lloyd takes center stage

What Works…

Let’s get this out of the way straight off the top: there’s absolutely no way that I can be objective when the guest of the week is the incomparable Enrico Colantoni. I have seen Colantoni in dozens of projects, including one of all my all time favourite series: Veronica Mars. Even in this babyfaced role (he still has hair!), Colantoni is captivating as the murderous Adrian, who falls under the influence of the killer mulcher.

The fact that Colantoni is so stellar is impressive considering that we are talking about a killer mulcher, which is absolutely ridiculous. And yet, unlike other episodes (still looking at you “The Great Montarro“), director Allan King infuses the sentient object with personality. Having Adrian kneel in front of the machine in reverence, then periodically cutting to close-ups of its spinning blades of death really helps to sell the idea that there is an unspoken (evil) connection between man and machine.

Naturally the other reason that “Root Of All Evil” works so well is because it explicitly dedicates half of its runtime to Micki and her struggle between Curious Goods and fiancé Lloyd (which I just complained about in the last review!). Let’s overlook the slightly offensive suggestion that Lloyd makes about her fidelity (in fairness, I joke about incest in literally every one of these posts) and focus instead on the good work that writer Rob Hedden and Robey do.

This is the first time that the series has allocated a substantial amount of time and energy to character development and this really helps “Root Of All Evil” to stand out. Micki is understandably torn between taking the easy way out and sticking around to aid Jack and Ryan finish what they’ve inherited. The episode does a great job at giving Micki’s anger and frustration at the situation, as well as her eagerness to make Lloyd understand why she hasn’t returned home, ample time to play out. Friday The 13th had its work cut out for it with this storyline in the pilot so it’s refreshing to see it become a substantial story arc eight episodes later.

Would I have enjoyed this episode as much without this adorably familiar mug?

What Doesn’t Work…

Admittedly I’m unsure how I would feel about the mulcher storyline if I weren’t such a fan of Colantoni. While I appreciate the unique angle Hedden writes into the cursed antique by having wealthy victims be more financially valuable to the murderer, Adrian’s plan never really materializes. Particularly aggravating is the blackmail storyline (again!) which is introduced by a drunken friend of Adrian’s who touches on his hard-run past, but this is immediately dropped and never revisited.

Friday The 13th has yet to really figure out how to afford their villains enough time to rise above their one-dimensional trappings, which puts a lot of emphasis on the charisma and vitality of the guest actor. When it’s Colantoni or last episode’s David Ferry, it works, but only just.

Bye Charles — it’s been a scream!

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Another checkmark for this episode is the super icky sound effects the bodies make when they go into the mulcher. It sounds…wet
  • Let’s talk Lloyd’s accusation that he believes there’s another man. This is actually kind of far, because of course Ryan is crushing on her. BUT (and it’s a big one) Micki has NEVER done anything to suggest there’s someone else. So Lloyd is still a total American Psycho dudebro asshole in this situation
  • Smitty (Jack Mather) the head gardener seems perfectly lovely so naturally he has to die
  • How much is $500 in 1987 dollars? That seems like an outrageous sum to blackmail a second fiddle gardener who just started his job a few weeks ago. Also: don’t raise the price exponentially in front of someone! Have the number figured out before you say it aloud or else you just come off as greedy
  • “A kissy faced pimp” may be the best insult I’ve ever heard and I want to use it all of the time now
  • I appreciate Jack’s pragmatism when he tells Ryan that Micki needs to work out her issues on her own, but it still comes off a bit cold, no?
  • Undeniable proof of Lloyd’s douchebaggery: “How many burglars do you know that wear Brooks Brothers virgin wool?” Woof!
  • Widow — and eventual target — Mrs. Harrington (Kay Tremblay) also seems genuinely nice. I’m glad she doesn’t wind up getting (too badly) hurt
  • Seriously, what is the point of the institution scene? It plays out like Grade A filler
  • Love the callback to the pilot with Veda the doll!
  • Either the lighting is atrocious and Micki and Lloyd are hooking up during the day or there’s some wonky time inconsistency going on because the crosscutting features Jack and Ryan working undercover during the day. It’s…not great for continuity if it’s the former sitch
  • While Lloyd is the main dick of the episode, Ryan is also a bit of a shitheel for slutshaming Micki for wanting to a) have sex and b) abscond with her effing fiancé. Sorry you’re a celibate loser, Ryan
  • Also: bonus points to Micki for slapping him
  • When Ryan is running away from Adrian and he randomly trips and knocks himself out? I…don’t understand
  • You know that Lloyd’s goose is cooked when Micki demands he do something to save Mrs. Harrington and he does nothing
  • I get that Adrian was driven by money, but I don’t buy (heh heh) that he would dive into the mulcher after it. That seems a little loco. Then again, he was running around killing people with a mini-scythe in plain sight, so…
  • Much respect for ending the episode on a silent, emotional moment between Micki and Ryan. They’ve had their ups and downs (just in this episode alone) but “Root Of All Evil” puts the idea of Micki abandoning their cause to bed for good. Now, let’s get back to all of that sexual innuendo, shall we?

I’m taking a breather this weekend while I take a brief vacation to Salem. See you back here Monday for Friday The 13th The Series episode ten: “Tales Of The Undead”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5I1nD741e8w

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E08 – “The Skirt With The Camera”

by

Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://youtu.be/4ByKlr_BIls

S01E08: “Shadow Boxer”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Tommy (David Ferry), a punchy, broken-down fighter gets in touch with his dark side.

  • Director: “Hellowe’en” and “The Poison Pen” director Timothy Bond returns
  • Writer: New writer Josh Miller joins the Friday franchise
  • Famous Guest Star: Ferry would go on to play Dr. Kissinger in FX’s Legion

Killer gloves (literally)

Cursed Antique of the Week: Killer Ken Kelsey’s boxing gloves, which produce a shadow that beats opponents to death

Setting: The boxing gym

Best Death: Both of the episodes’ two deaths are the same and neither are all that impressive: punch to the face for the kill

Quirkiest Add-On: Micki (Louise Robey) randomly remembers that she has a fiancé and decides to make him a scrapbook featuring a day in the life of Curious Goods. This has nothing to do with the fact that they’ll need a camera to combat Tommy’s shadow later. 😉

Character Bits: At her undercover diner date with Tommy, we learn that Micki’s mother is Irish and her father is English

Corny Finish Line: Naturally the week after I introduce a new bit, Friday the 13th fails to deliver a funny end line. Unless you count Jack (Chris Wiggins)’s idle threat to pay Ryan (Jack D. LeMay) back for the shiner, which is more ominous (though we all know it will come to nothing because the writer’s have NO MEMORY for past events)

80s Fashion Closet: Woof – Micki is rocking an absolutely terrible looking pony hawk. None of the rest of the clothes stand out because my eyes were continually drawn to that (frankly) giant mane.

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: As mentioned, Lloyd re-enters the picture (in name only), which brings up all of the sexual tension between the cousins early on. Particularly on point is when Ryan points his ass at Micki and claims it is his best side, which prompts her to smack it. So cute, you two — maybe just fuck and put us out of our misery.

The ickiness between Tommy and Micki on their date is palpable

What Works…

“Shadow Boxer” winds up being a surprisingly good episode. Unlike some of the more poorly paced entries, there’s an appropriate amount of story here and even when the fight is wrapped up and the action moves back to Curious Goods, it feels organic, as opposed to being shoehorned in as in previous episodes.

One reason the episode works so well is the hissably entertaining performance by David Ferry. Like most of the other villains on the show, Tommy isn’t exactly complicated, but Ferry makes up for the character’s lack of depth with a truly memorable performance. Tommy is a genuine creep, especially in his interactions with Micki and he’s truly threatening in the climax when he holds her at knifepoint.

The other component that works exceedingly well are the visual effects of the killer shadow. While they’re not great by 2018 standards, it looks great (in late 80s terms) and the cross-cutting between it and Tommy’s fights provide a level of excitement and dynamic action that isn’t present in most of the other cursed objects. Contrast this with Houdin’s Box in “The Great Montarro” and the difference is night and day.

Can we not do the female pain porn stuff?

What Doesn’t Work…

Continuity is clearly not the series’ strong point. While we do get more than a few reminders of Micki’s absent boyfriend Lloyd, “Shadow Boxer” seems to entirely forget that just last episode Jack nearly had a fatal fall and had to have emergency surgery that left him recuperating in a wheelchair. None of the latter events are mentioned or addressed here; it’s as though they never even happened! This is a frequent problem with procedural television, but it is all the more glaring when a core character is nearly killed and those events are immediately disregarded.

Jack vs Shadow

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Is coach Manny (Jack Duffy) smoking a pack a day because that is one hoarse voice!
  • Unlike some other episodes that feature awkward exposition, the news that Tommy has a bad temper (that sent him to prison no less!) is organically woven into his initial terse encounter with Manny
  • At nearly 6:40 minutes, this may be the longest cold open yet
  • It’s a bit on the nose that the boxing gloves literally have the word “KILLER” stitched into them, no?
  • Friday The 13th delivers its first African-American character in the form of “Kid” Cornelius (Philip Akin). He is disappointingly not given a ton to do, but still manages to make an impression. Another thing that “Shadow Boxer” does well is create memorable secondary characters. This is arguably the best since “A Cup Of Time“
  • It’s odd how the boxing fight is only occasionally convincing. This episode really needed a fight choreographer because only around 50% of those hits look close to connecting (caveat: the later fight with Kid looks much better)
  • “There’s something I can do that you two can’t”. I’d been wondering how long it would take the writers to use Micki as sexual bait and now we have our answer!
  • What’s more gross: the way that Tommy aggressively touches Micki on their diner “date” or those close-up shots of half eaten pie with cigarettes in them?
  • The action sequence when Jack and Ryan are caught in Tommy’s apartment while the shadow threatens Micki, which includes the revelation that Tommy can be blinded via the shadow, is really effective. It involves everyone, is well shot and conveys important information they’ll need to solve the case
  • Unsurprisingly we learn that Ryan collects comics (specifically Green Lantern). This is late 80s shorthand for “Nerd!”
  • Love how Ryan just grabs the gloves off Tommy’s unconscious body post-fight (in front of everyone) and casually saunters off
  • Micki’s aggressive reaction to Tommy’s lack of punishment is understandable, but I’m confused by the shot of her looking at Lloyd’s picture in bed. Honestly all of the Lloyd stuff feels artificially inserted into this episode
  • I do not appreciate the close up shots of Micki’s breasts and tears while Tommy holds her hostage at knifepoint. It feels unnecessarily focused on female suffering simply as a visual shorthand to hammer home the danger
  • I may have chuckled when Tommy threatens to “hurt her [Micki] to death!” Am I a monster or is that line just really odd?
  • The resolution to the hostage situation is unexpected: Ryan puts on the gloves and punches both Jack and Tommy. It’s strangely aggressive and then played for literal laughs when Micki and Ryan laugh about Jack’s large black eye at episode’s end

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode nine: “Root Of All Evil”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA1QBUvjRfo&t=8s

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E07 – “He’s Turning Medicine Into A 3-Ring Circus”

by

Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0aPDwmDLEY&t=3s

S01E07: “Doctor Jack”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: A series of slashings leads the group to surgeon Dr. Vincent Howlett (Cliff Gorman) who loves the limelight. To complicate matters, a woman named Jean (Elva Mai Hoover) is seeking revenge on the doctor for her daughter’s murder.

  • Director: Richard Friedman, who just directed “The Great Montarro”
  • Writer: Marc Scott Zicree makes his Friday the 13th debut
  • Famous Guest Star: By this time Gorman had already starred in The Boys in the Band and 1984’s notorious virgin/madonna exploitation flick Angel

Ripper’s Knife

Cursed Antique of the Week: A victorian scalpel, thought to have belonged to Jack the Ripper

Setting: Ravenbrook Hospital

Best Death: With only two to choose from, I’ll go with Howlett’s, even if it’s a boring stab wound that ultimately kills him and not getting zapped by the defibrillator

Quirkiest Add-On: I have so many questions about the opening scene: why is the flower seller peddling his wares in the middle of the night? Why does he refuse his customer change? Why does Howlett opt to kill this man in the middle of a crowded area? It’s a very confusing set-up

Character Bits: Jack (Chris Wiggins) is injured so badly that he winds up needing surgery!

Corny Finish Line: Ryan (to Jack) – “The best part is with him out of the way, Howlett won’t be sending you a bill”

80s Fashion Closet: The clothes and hair in this episode are OUT OF CONTROL. Micki (Louise Robey)’s hair has never been so close to god and her shit brown shirt/jacket with three quarter sleeve and belt is hideously ugly. The most offensive article of clothing, however, has to be Ryan (John D. LeMay)’s excessively baggy jeans and XXL dog & dot sweater.

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Virtually nothing! I am SHOCKED

Way to prove me wrong show

What Works…

This is a slight step up in quality from “The Great Montarro” if only because there’s no mystery hampering the plot. It’s pretty clear from early on who the villain is and Gorman imbues Howlett with a good amount of evil narcissism. The murderous doctor isn’t exactly a nuanced character, but I would put him on par with Le Croix from episode two, who was a decent killer motivated by power, money and/or greed.

I guess I should also cop to the egg on my face. In the very last rewatch episode, I complained that the series needs to stop endangering its core cast because it’s not believable that any of will come to harm. Flashforward to this episode and low and behold Jack immediately falls down a (short) elevator shaft, winds up needing surgery and is recuperating in a wheelchair at episode’s end. Obviously you can’t have one of the three come to significant harm each episode, but Jack’s arc here helps to sell the idea that these adventures are perilous.

Perhaps Frankenstein would have been a better historical comparison?

What Doesn’t Work…

Seven episodes in and it’s becoming clear that Friday The 13th writers regularly supplement a subpar A-plot with a bizarre secondary one. When it’s batshit crazy a la Birdie nearly killing a homeless man in “A Cup Of Time“, I’m all for it. When it is grief-stricken homicidal mom Jean (Hoover) attempting to fire a gun in an abandoned hospital hallway? Um…

While I appreciate that Jean’s story fits into the main story more closely than some of the others we’ve seen <cough “The Great Montarro” cough>, it’s not seamless. Questions abound: how does Jack keep her locked up in the hospital without admitting her? Why isn’t she arrested by the police? All in all, Jean only really matters when it comes to the end of the episode when Micki and Ryan face off against Howlett in the derelict hospital hallways, but it would have been easy enough to excise her role entirely, which begs the question why she’s here in the first place.

This is, however, a minor complaint in comparison to the most egregious one: WHY DOES THIS EPISODE INCLUDE JACK THE RIPPER? Apologies for the all-caps, but this historical component plays like writer Zicree read an 80s microfiche (“he had surgical precision” mmhmm; “he might have been a doctor” ohhh, I can use that) and then whipped up this cockamamie treatment. The inclusion of the Ripper adds literally nothing to this episode; “Doctor Jack” would have worked just as well if it were about a scalpel that allows its wielder to save lives masterfully in exchange for semi-frequent kills (which is — shocker — what the episode is actually about!). Instead the inclusion or poor use of Jack the Ripper sets up a completely unnecessary expectation that is never paid off.

Behold their hideousness! The brown suit-thing and ugly sweater

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Oh how I do enjoy spotting reused sets! Not only is the alley gate that Howlett cuts through the same as “Hellowe’en“, the elevator that Jack falls down is the same as the one Lewis died in back in the pilot!
  • Is that Jason’s machete on display in Jim Bronson (Michael Copeman)’s knife shop?!
  • I can’t believe that there’s mention of pictures of Micki and Ryan with monkeys at the zoo, but we are never shown them. What a tease
  • According to Howlett, being able to cut open a man from groin to sternum and not be arrested = surgeon power! Yeah, no wonder this guy became a homicidal maniac
  • It’s surprising that the first time we see Howlett, his surgery & speech are actually part of his job interview. Another odd story choice
  • Cribbed from my actual notes: “So where have they locked up this delirious mother? ‘Cause it’s not like you can just find empty beds in a hospital”
  • The blackmail/coercion that Dr. Price (Doris Petrie) employs to force Howlett to perform a surgery he’s not ready for — in order to solidify his role and re-establish the reputation of the hospital — suggests that Price is actually the villain
  • It is unsurprising that Howlett must not only perform Jack’s surgery but keep him alive when he realizes who he is, but it still works for me
  • Micki, Ryan and Jean make the cardinal slasher mistake when they get the upper hand on Howlett: they knock him down and then run away instead of finishing him off. Kick the shit out of him and be done with it!
  • You can see the defibrillator death coming a mile away, but what surprises me is that Micki waits until Howlett nearly stabs her. Girl, that’s dangerous! It would have been better to zap his hand, arm or head rather than wait to zap that scalpel!
  • How is Ryan not in jail considering the number of times he has picked up a murder object? Dude, don’t pull the knife out of the dead guy
  • I’ve added a new section up top, but in case you missed it, the episode ends on this corny one-liner: “The best part is with him out of the way, Howlett won’t be sending you a bill”

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode eight: “Shadow Boxer”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ByKlr_BIls

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E06 – “Do Not Invite To The Same Party”

by

Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://youtu.be/LNlVfJo1Z_g

S01E06: “The Great Montarro”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: In order to find out who is using a set of deadly magician boxes, Jack (Chris Wiggins) enters a magic competition under his old alias, “Mad Marshak”.

  • Director: Richard Friedman, who previously worked on Tales From The Darkside and later filmed several episodes of Baywatch Nights (blech)
  • Writer: Durnford King, who penned the second episode “The Poison Pen“
  • Famous Guest Star: Graeme Campbell, who worked extensively in Canadian television and in animated TV such as Rupert and The Adventures of Tintin

The Houdin Box…of boredom

Cursed Antique of the Week: The Houdin Box, which look like a coffin and works a bit like the Vanishing Cabinet in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by transferring injury to a person somewhere else

Setting: The “closed set” of a magician contest

Best Death: Wannabe magician Tommy (Jefferson Mappin) is killed during the Bed of Nails practice run

Quirkiest Add-On: “Miranda”is revealed to be Robert (Martin Neufeld)’s cross-dressing alter-ego attempt to sneak into the contest, which hardly seemed necessary since he apparently had the talent to get into the Top 5…

Character Bits: Nothing really. We already knew from “Hellowe’en” that Jack practiced magic so the only new character development is the surprise is when Micki (Louise Robey) is so comfortable in the lime light as a magician’s assistant

80s Fashion Closet: Micki’s hair seems bigger and fluffier than usual, but I will focus my attention on her magician’s assistant outfit. It comes complete with a cane for pointing, a gaudy giant crystal broach, planet-sized globe earrings and a feathery hairpiece. Hilariously she winds up wearing the costume for the latter half of the episode while everyone else remains in their street clothes.

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: The bitching and sniping is kept mostly to a minimum right up until the end of the episode when Ryan (John D. LeMay) is wrapped up in the straight jacket and chains. Aside from that they mostly act like normal people!

More sequences like this please

What Works…

“The Great Montarro” is not my favourite episode of the series (in fact it currently ranks at the bottom), so I don’t have a lot to work with here.

If there is one bright spot, it is undoubtedly when Tommy covertly takes Jack’s place during the Bed of Nails act and fails to escape the chains in time, resulting in an suitably bloody death. Is the death a bait and switch since we thought this was Jack? Sure, but Tommy’s reveal works as a nice inversion of the “protagonist in danger” trope that the series has been leaning on.

As for other positives: this is a stretch, but maybe the location? More than other episodes in the series, there’s consistently something interesting happening in the background as the other performers work on their acts in outrageous costumes.

Lesleh Donaldson

The campiest of screams

What Doesn’t Work…

Sadly the second episode from writer Durnford King suffers from many of the same flaws of his first, namely poor pacing and a lack of engaging characters. “The Great Montarro” first slight and more than a bit bland; there’s a discernible lack of joie de vivre in the proceedings, which is impressive because how do you make a magic contest boring?!

First off, the Houdin Box is a dull as dish water cursed object. Not only does it lack the bizarre personality of something like the Cupid Quiver or the Swapper’s Ivy Teacup, it doesn’t even kill in an interesting fashion. Without a face or a more intriguing hook, it’s basically just a stone monolith with a coloured crystal on top.

Second, Lyla (Lesleh Donaldson)’s killer reveal only works if you don’t pay attention during her initial conversation with Micki. Lyla admits that she’s been on the road with her father (Campbell) since she was sixteen, but she apparently has no idea how the “Coffin of Blood” works? That’s obviously a clue that she’s lying about the trick, if not outright responsible for the whole thing.

Third (and most importantly), the Friday the 13th writers can’t continue to threaten our main trio with death every episode. It’s simply not believable that any of the three of them are in any danger, so putting Micki into a literal death trap at the climax guarantees a lack of tension. At least in “Hellowe’en” the death was a fun conveyor belt of death (still not believable that they would die, but fun!) This climax has zero tension and suffers for it.

Also: why the hell do all of these characters have such generic names?! This episode features characters named Tommy, Robert, Tony and Monte. Can someone please provide Durnford King a phonebook so that he can diversify his character names?

Louise Robey, John D. LeMay

Matchy-matchy

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • It’s unclear, but does Fahteem The Magnificent (aka Harvey The Sleazeball) sexually assault his first victim before killing her in the box? If so, double ick
  • Reusing the impaling death with Fahteem so soon after the girl’s in the opening scene really mutes the impact the second time around
  • Ryan is consistently proven to be a dunce by this series. Case in point: his sarcastic, albeit innocuous, joke that “Being a magician is a dangerous job” is immediately proven true when a bunch of magicians are murdered
  • Micki and Ryan essentially wear the same jacket when they interrogate Robert and I was LIVING for it
  • Robert’s blackmail scheme against Lyla and Montarro is one plot twist too many and — more problematically — it doesn’t add much to the proceedings. It’s similar to the press scenes in “The Poison Pen” which seem to be there primarily to fill out an underwhelming A-plot
  • My favourite moment of the episode is when Jack pricks his finger on the blades for the Coffin of Blood act…except that they are SO OBVIOUSLY styrofoam. I appreciate that it’s not easy to make convincing props on a dime store budget, but oof those look faaaaake!
  • It almost appears as if Jack and Ryan use a weird colour coding strategy to free Micki from the Houdin Box in the climax. The lighting goes from red to green (no obvious symbolism there) before the door opens, although I’m unsure if Jack’s broken bottle twisted the crystal or simply refracted light
  • The high camp moment of the episode: that shot of Lyla screaming after her father’s death

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode seven: “Doctor Jack”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0aPDwmDLEY&t=3s

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E05 – “He Knew We’d Have Soft Hearts!”

by

Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://youtu.be/lEZgYhwDudc

S01E05: “Hellowe’en”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: The evil spirit of Uncle Lewis (R.G. Armstrong) crashes a Halloween party at the shop and seeks to re-enter the living world.

  • Director: “The Poison Pen” helmer Timothy Bond returns for his second episode
  • Writer: Bill Taub tackles his second Uncle Lewis episode after penning the pilot
  • Famous Guest Star: Outside of Armstrong, the only other guest star is midget Victoria Deslaurier as Greta, who doesn’t have a lot of acting credits to her name

The Amulet of Zohar

Cursed Antique of the Week: There are kind of two — the crystal ball and the Amulet of Zohar — though by default of being the only item that leaves Curious goods, I suppose the Amulet is the main object

Setting: A mortuary

Best Death: There’s actually only one death in this episode, so Greta the midget demon wins by default, even if her accidental death by chair leg is patently ridiculous and underwhelming

Quirkiest Add-On: Greta’s trap for Jack (Chris Wiggins) — a gated prison located in a generic-looking alleyway — fills me with so many questions

Character Bits: Jack was secretly in love with Uncle Lewis’ wife, Grace

80s Fashion Closet: OMG I’ve been so excited for this episode because of the fantastic 80s Halloween costumes and “Hellowe’en” did NOT disappoint. Obviously I preferred Micki (Louise Robey)’s Bride of Frankenstein look the most because it is all dramatic eye make-up, chunky silver belt, plunging neckline and sheer puffy sleeves

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Thankfully the outdated gendered comment flirtation that began last episode is put to rest here. In reality, the looming threat of Uncle Lewis basically eliminates the sexual tension between the cousins, aside from some very tight clutching when his ghost first appears

Halloween costumes/episodes are always welcome

What Works…

Following on the heels of the series’ best episode yet, “Hellowe’en” is another fun entry in the Friday The 13th The Series canon. It’s got a fun hook with the opening Halloween party, a nice returning guest in Armstrong’s Uncle Lewis and a large enough threat that everyone winds up playing a role in its resolution.

At this point in the series, it’s clear that the cast and crew are settling into their roles. The writing is starting to play to the actors’ strengths and the visual aesthetic of the series that Fruet established in the pilot episode has gelled (in addition to the recent inclusion of the slasher movie POV shot, which is now consistently incorporated in).

“Hellowe’en” also brings back the more sophisticated visual effects from the pilot. Uncle Lewis’ transformation from ghost to physical manifestation after touching the amulet is well done and there’s even a brief glimpse of a fireball right before his final showdown with Jim in the mortuary.

Plus: the sight of Louise Robey geting stunned by Greta’s demon powers before she levitates horizontally in the air to wind up in that coffin? <chef’s kiss>

Jack’s alleyway prison is an episode low point

What Doesn’t Work…

The episode’s biggest sin is that it starts off incredibly strong and then squanders its potential with a fairly middling second act. The Halloween party offers us a glimpse of the broader community, introduces a few potential new clients/characters and has loads of atmosphere (particularly the sequence where the mist oozes out of the crystal ball and the entire foundation of the building shakes like an earthquake). And then…Jim goes on a loooooong walk with a little girl and winds up locked in the most makeshift alley prison you’ve ever seen.

I get that Friday The 13th The Series is working on a fixed budget (and the special effects in this episode probably aren’t cheap), but damn if that alley prison isn’t the worst looking thing the show has ever created! And then leaving Chris Wiggins stranded in this sub-plot for a whole act — dealing with idiot passerbys and talking aloud to himself? It’s unforgivable! It also feels perfunctory, as though writer Taub couldn’t think up a more creative way to sideline Jim long enough for Uncle Lewis to pull a fast one on the dumb cousins and get the A-plot going.

The other complaint — which also likely relates to the budget — has to do with the endless chase scenes around the mortuary. By this point in “Hellowe’en” the action has picked up and everyone is back in the mix, but the lack of set dressing in the mortuary and the repetitive chase scenes are boring. The formula is as follows: Uncle Lewis directs Greta to take out the cousins, she wanders the halls, opens doors, and either captures them or they run away. Rinse/lather/repeat.

The fact that Greta is killed in a bizarre accident (she fatally impales herself offscreen on a broken chair leg) is especially disappointing. I’ll concede that part of my sadness is due to the fact that I liked Greta as a character and hoped that she might recur as a villain. RIP Greta.

Who’s down for a satanic ritual involving body swapping?

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Ryan’s friend Larry (David Matheson) is an idiot, but a lovable idiot. I do appreciate the visual reference to the opening of Carpenter’s Halloween in this first scene in Micki’s bedroom
  • Let’s dish on these costumes: as previously discussed, Micki is the Bride of Frankenstein. Jack is Merlin, I’m guessing? And Ryan is, what…a court jester?
  • It is unsurprising that Jack can perform magic and knows how to read Tarot Cards. Alas, the scene where he pulls a plum out of a partygoer’s cleavage has NOT aged well. That’s basically sexual assault, Jack, so maybe don’t, ok?
  • Upon discovering the crystal ball, Larry says: “Well if it had three holes, I could bowl with it.” I hated myself for it, but I did chuckle
  • I do enjoy how much Micki assumes Ryan is at fault. The minute that the shop begins to shake, she blames him. “What’s going on, Ryan? What did you do?”
  • The description of Ryan’s punch made me physically gag: “He made up something orange and brown.”
  • Hey, the black cat from the pilot briefly reappears!
  • There’s a bit too much exposition in the (maybe made up?) story about Uncle Lewis’ role in the accidental death of his wife, but I could barely pay attention because THERE’S AN ENTIRE SECTION OF THE STORE THEY’VE NEVER SEEN BEHIND THE BOOKCASE?! The secret room reveal is one of the greatest, weirdest, funniest parts about “Hellowe’en”
  • Directly from my notes: “Jack baits a couple of local idiots to pull open the gates using their pickup truck, then uses his “magic” to disappear”. The fact that this whole storyline takes 15 minutes is unforgivable
  • My favourite line of the entire episode (and maybe the series to date) is Micki’s lament that Uncle Lewis set them up because “he knew we’d have soft hearts!” I still don’t know how Robey managed to deliver that both earnestly and with a straight face
  • Micki’s levitation by Greta works not only because Robey’s facial expression is hysterical, but because it is genuinely unexpected. I’m always down for a midget pulling pranks on fully grown adults (see also: Don’t Look Now)
  • Two ridiculous moments: There is clearly no one inside the coffins when Jack pulls them off the conveyor belt. And then — in another moment that hasn’t aged well — Jack full-on smacks Micki across the face to knock her out of her trance
  • It occurred to me during the climax that this is the first time that we’ve seen Uncle Lewis and Jack interact! I would have liked more fireball tossing and less dramatic line reading, but as a first time encounter, this suffices
  • The “it’s secretly already dawn” twist feels like a hammy horror movie resolution, so I approve of its use here to dispel Uncle Lewis. Hopefully that’s not the last we’ve seen of him
  • The suggestion that there’ll be more shenanigans in two weeks when Friday the 13th occurs is enough to prompt an eyeroll from me, but I’m still kinda psyched? What’s coming next?!

I’m taking a quick one day breather to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday, so I’ll see you back here Tuesday for Friday The 13th The Series episode six: “The Great Montarro” (whatever the hell that means)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNlVfJo1Z_g