The sixth season of True Blood is just getting started and it’s unclear which – if any – of this season’s disparate storylines will pay off. ‘The Sun’ suggests that there’s a bit of a game-plan and OH MY GAWD BILLITH (Stephen Moyer) JUST LOOPER‘D THE BLOOD OUT OF THAT HOOKER!
Let’s bitch it out…True Blood is usually a mixed-bag at the beginning of the season (some would argue it’s always a mixed-bag, but that’s a whole other story). Like any other serialized television show, there are new storylines to set up, new characters to introduce, and transitions to be made from one season to the next. The trouble with True Blood is that there are too many things happening (something viewers know, but the writers can’t seem to figure out). So let’s just agree that Andy’s (Chris Bauer) toddlers are adorbs, that no one cares about the widow of Terry’s (Todd Lowe) Iraq buddy from last year’s worst subplot and every time Nora (Lucy Griffiths) mentions the Vampire Bible we all snicker like naughty school kids.
Instead let’s focus on the main event…or events:
- Sookie (Anna Paquin) and her Faerie family, including Jason (Ryan Kwanten) and new addition, Grandpa (Rutger Hauer) prepare for battle with Warlow, who is most definitely on his way. There’s a metric ton of exposition to get through in these scenes, but it goes down like a giant bowl of spaghetti thanks to the comedic timing of Kwanten and Hauer’s lovable gruffness. Even Sookie sucks a little less than usual. Sure she lets yet another strange man – inevitable future boyfriend Ben (Robert Kazinsky) – into her house, but instead of getting sucked into sexy shenanigans she bails on him and focuses on channeling her “light”. I’m sure in no time she’ll be back to humping some dead guy in a cemetery, but for now, Sookie + Jason + Grandpa = win
- Governor Burrell’s (Arliss Howard) anti-vampire rhetoric takes off. We learn that he’s pulling out newly developed military weapons (including cool UV silver bullets and stupid/dumb “no glamour” contacts) and – if Billith’s prognostication skills can be trusted – planning a vampire genocide. It could be interesting, but for now it feels like an extension of the same political BS that sunk last season, only with a different frontman. The biggest issue is that Burrell seems like a bit of a dink and we have no idea what his motivation is. Hopefully when Eric (Alexander Skargard) eats Burrell’s daughter, the Governor will get the motivation he needs to become a proper ‘Big Bad’
- Finally, Billith. Last week we had questions about whether Bill was still Bill, or if he is now Billith, naked vampire god. This week doesn’t really provide any answers: at times Bill seems like himself, but at other times he seems possessed. Either way, his day trance with Lilith (Jessica Clark) more or less gives Moyer the week off, leaving Deborah Ann Woll’s Jessica to do the heavy lifting. In a quiet soliloquy Jess prays to Billith/God, asking him to bless the cast, including Hoyt (awwww). The fact that she still has faith in Billith after watching him manipulate a human bloodbank escort like a broken-limbed puppet and then hoover her blood without touching her (easily the biggest WTF scene of the current season) proves how much Jess cares about him.
- Still in search of a story: Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) and Tara (Rutina Wesley), who babysit/watched Chopped and hang out at Fangtasia (respectively). Good thing we’ve got Jurnee Smollett-Bell’s new political activist character Nicole to maintain some affirmative action
- Another character on my “I don’t give a crap” list = Alcide (Joe Manganiello). Take Emma and run…because no one cares! Take new girl, Danielle (Jamie Gray Hyder) with you – lady sounds like a dude
- I love that Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten) goes back to rocking her pink juicy sweats for nappy time
- Screw Bill. I love the way Rutger Hauer says “Sookie”. He’s totally my new favourite!
- Wanna bet Sookie blows her chance to use her “light” supernova on Warlow? It can only be used once and then she’ll no longer be a Faerie, but isn’t that the reason Warlow wants her? So wouldn’t it be a good thing if she’s no longer a Faerie when he comes calling?
- Finally, I was hoping for more fun from Eric’s impression of the Parks and Wildlife advocate. Beside the amusing visual of his hunched frame and seriously short sleeves, it felt a little phoned in. Pity…
- Grandpa (to Jason): “I’m your fucking…faerie…grandfather”
- Arlene (to Patrick’s crying, pregnant wife): “Life is really a shit sandwich sometimes.”
- Jason (describing Grandpa’s actions): “He’s been tracking Warlow like Bobba Fett”
- Grandpa (when Jason exclaims he’s a Faery Prince): “The gene skipped you.”
Your turn: is True Blood coming together for you? Are you impressed with what Rutger Hauer is bringing to the show? Are you still on the fence about what exactly Billith is? Any thoughts on his genocidal image of Eric, Pam, Jess and Tara being crispy-fried in a white THX 1138-like prison? And what is Governor Burrell’s agenda? Speculate away below
True Blood airs Sundays at 9pm EST on HBO