The final weekend in May brings pirates and lifeguards, so maybe life really is a beach?
Let’s bitch it out…
The month of May comes to a close with a double shot of blockbuster: family friendly ridiculousness will combat Johnny Depp fatigue in the fifth Pirates of the Caribbean while Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron poke the bloated corpse of Baywatch for laughs. Expect decent sampling for both new flicks, though the long term potential (along with Alien: Covenant, which debuted to passable, but not spectacular numbers last weekend) is gloomy.
May 26, 2017
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (Wide)
- Cast: Johnny Depp (Yoga Hosers), Geoffrey Rush (Quills), Javier Bardem (The Sea Inside)
- Official Synopsis: The rip-roaring adventure finds down-on-his-luck Captain Jack (Depp) feeling the winds of ill-fortune blowing strongly his way when deadly ghost sailors, led by the terrifying Captain Salazar (Bardem), escape from the Devil’s Triangle bent on killing every pirate at sea – notably Jack. Jack’s only hope of survival lies in the legendary Trident of Poseidon.
- Good for fans of: Elaborate water-related CGI, monkeys, headscarves, Keith Richards impressions
- Is it worth your time? Ummm…is anyone genuinely still interested in this franchise anymore? Between Depp’s very public financial and marital PR nightmares and the general whiff of rot emanating from the trailers and TV spots, this summer entry feels particularly unnecessary. Not even the (admittedly very campy looking) addition of Bardem can save the sinking franchise (and casting box office poison Brenton Thwaites won’t help). Of course the real audience for this potential final entry is international, where the Pirates flicks continue to rake in the big dough.
- Projected Opening: $80 million / Final: ~$200 million
- Cast: Dwayne Johnson (Hercules), Zac Efron (Me and Orson Wells), Alexandra Daddario (Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D)
- Official Synopsis: Devoted lifeguard Mitch Buchanan (Johnson) butts heads with a brash new recruit (Efron). Together, they uncover a local criminal plot that threatens the future of the Bay.
- Good for fans of: Dick & ball jokes, cross-dressing, swimsuits
- Is it worth your time? Unfortunately this sounds like a bit of a miss. It’s clear that the talent was aiming for a post-modern take on the outdated ridiculousness of the 90s TV series, but amping up the T&A and the explosions didn’t make the material any smarter. Hopeful comparisons to something like 21 Jump Street proved ill-fated – this is basically just a dumb comedy that coasts on the charm of Johnson and Efron.
- Projected Opening: $40 million / Final: ~$100 million
That’s it for May. June kicks off with a bang as the first DCU female superhero film launches in the form of the Patty Jenkins directed, Gal Gadot starring Wonder Woman. Expect plenty of think pieces and analyses regardless of whether this historical film soars or sinks.