Have you already forgotten about The Mummy? It’s time to move on.
Let’s bitch it out…
After Tom Cruise’s latest career implosion, the box office tries to recover with the debut of the latest Pixar masterpiece…oh wait it’s just the new entry in the overrated Cars trilogy. Barring some kind of meltdown, look for the animated family film to steal Wonder Woman‘s crown while the all-female comedy Rough Night and a questionably timed Tupac film will both struggle.
June 16, 2017
Cars 3 (Wide)
- Cast: Owen Wilson (The Wedding Crashers), Cristela Alonzo (TV’s Cristela), Larry the Cable Guy (ummm…Cars?)
- Official Synopsis: Blindsided by a new generation of blazing-fast racers, the legendary Lightning McQueen (Wilson) is suddenly pushed out of the sport he loves. To get back in the game, he will need the help of an eager young race technician, Cruz Ramirez (Alonzo), with her own plan to win, plus inspiration from the late Fabulous Hudson Hornet and a few unexpected turns. Proving that #95 isn’t through yet will test the heart of a champion on Piston Cup Racing’s biggest stage!
- Good for fans of: Growing up, worlds without humans, car crashes
- Is it worth your time? As someone who unequivocally hated the original Cars, then saw Cars 2 throw under that, this is not a film for me. However, critics have suggested that the final film in the trilogy is more akin to the original and that it caps things off nicely. If the world of Cars interests you, the final film should satisfy.
- Gross: $55 million / $200 million final
Rough Night (Wide)
- Cast: Scarlett Johansson (Ghost World), Zoë Kravitz (After Earth), Kate McKinnon (Sisters), Jillian Bell (22 Jump Street), Ilana Glazer (TV’s Broad City)
- Official Synopsis: A male stripper ends up dead at a Miami beach house during a bachelorette party weekend.
- Good for fans of: Shenanigans, cocaine, stripper-cide
- Is it worth your time? Reviews reinforce that the jokes are tepid and predictable, despite the efforts of the actresses. The film is basically just an updated, all-female version of atrocious 90s film Very Bad Things, with bits of Bridesmaids and The Hangover thrown in for good measure. This will satisfy your “girls can do it as good as boys” bad behaviour itch, but this isn’t your new favourite comedy by any stretch.
- Gross: $18 million / Final: $50 million
All Eyez On Me (Wide)
- Cast: Demetrius Shipp Jr., Jamal Woolard (Notorious), Danai Gurira (Black Panther), Kat Graham (17 Again)
- Official Synopsis: Tells the true and untold story of prolific rapper, actor, poet and activist Tupac Shakur.
- Good for fans of: Feuds, 90s rap, West Side
- Is it worth your time? There aren’t a ton of reviews available, but early reviews suggest the film is too simple and sanitized to reveal much about the slain rapper. Fans who know their history are unlikely to find anything new in the biopic, which leaves All Eyez On Me without a specific audience.
- Gross: $15 million / Final: $40 million
47 Meters Down
- Cast: Mandy Moore (A Walk To Remember), Claire Holt (Mean Girls 2)
- Official Synopsis: Two sisters (Moore & Holt), vacationing in Mexico, are trapped in a shark cage at the bottom of the ocean, with less than an hour of oxygen left and great white sharks circling nearby.
- Good for fans of: Shark Week
- Is it worth your time? How do you like shark movies? Unless 47 Meters Down is more Jaws, than Shark Night 3D, this feels a bit black and white.
- Gross: $6 million / Final: $15 million
That’s it for this week. Next week: Michael Bay’s final kick at the terrible Transformers franchise arrives, while the summer’s first potential word of mouth blockbuster arrives in the form of The Big Sick.