Put on your elastic chin hats, people, because Teen Wolf is in the mood to party. After reviving the rave circuit last week, it’s time to celebrate dear Lydia’s (Holland Roden) birthday, although as our villain suggests, someone is crashing the partay.
Let’s bitch it out…Did I also mention that it’s the Worm Moon? That right, folks, the final full moon in March has arisen (apparently their cycle is a little off from ours) and it’s time for some rebirth. Or more specifically for Peter Hale’s (Ian Bohen) rebirth because that beyotch is BACK. After a wickedly entertaining teaser featuring an audience clapping for a Lydia takedown and premonitions of a birthday filled with bodies, Hale put his master plan into effect. That essentially involving GHBing an entire party with wolfsbane, fairy dusting Derek (Tyler Hoechlin) and letting last season’s Alpha drain the resurrection right out of the new one.
While I occasionally rib Teen Wolf for being melodramatic and over-the-top, ‘Party Guessed’ (ugh – awful pun title. What is this, Lost Girl?) does well with it’s sheer excess. That opening teaser definitely cues us for what’s to come in an hour full of marital murder-suicide, Jebus crown of thorn restraints and inner fear revealing hallucinations.
I was especially fond of the latter as we get a nice inner glimpse to what’s driving Allison (Crystal Reed), Stiles (Dylan O’Brien), Scott (Tyler Posey) and even Jackson (Colton Haynes). The least surprising is Scott’s (bless his simple mind) which is that Allison is interested in hooking with other guys and that she’ll fall prey to the Kanima. Far more interesting is Stiles’ (he rightly fears his dad blames him for his failing career and then goes even more Freudian and imagines his dad blaming him for his mom’s death). Allison, meanwhile, thinks she’s being wimpy (we agree!). While I’ll admit that crossbow wielding, Hoodie wearing Allison is badass, she really should be more careful when she’s firing arrows into the middle of a party – someone important could get hurt!
Aside from the return of Hale, there’s seemingly a monument reveal, which – hilariously enough – is delivered in the least audacious manner EVER: Matt (Stephen Lunsford) is the Kanima master. As the party dissolves into True Blood levels of orgiastic sexy time and violence, Matt is pushed into the pool. Trouble is that he can’t swim (remember that the Master is afraid of water) and he is then rescued by Jackson (whose alter ego, the Kanima, does the Master’s bidding). It’s either a total fake-out or a very low-key reveal. Either way, we’ll find out next week when Matt takes Scott hostage at gunpoint in front of Scott’s mother.
- Jackson’s hallucination is also very on-key as he imagines his ‘real parents’ looking for him at the party, but when they turn they have no faces. It’s Psych 101 levels of obvious, but effective nonetheless
- I’m not sure there’s much to say about Derek’s comically inept efforts to keep his pack under control during their first full moon, aside from the fact that Erica (Gage Golightly) looks both hot and skanky when she wolfs out. All I know is that if being the strongest means wearing that head brace, I would gladly volunteer to be weaker. Sweet Jesus (almost literally) did that thing ever look painful!
- RIP Mama Argent. Victoria (Eaddy Mays) has gone to the giant pencil sharpener in the sky and she never even got to say goodbye to her ungrateful daughter. Let this be a lesson to you, kids: this is what happens when you don’t put your mom before your social leper BFF (whom you’re barely interacted with in weeks). YOUR MOM DIES. So always remember – you can chat about Rohypnol-themed birthday parties, or you can have a final touching moment with your incredibly severe, boyfriend-killing mother. Choose wisely
- In all honesty, though, I loved the batsh*t crazy “stare at the moon and stab you with a dagger” murder-suicide moment. So ridiculous, and yet touching at the same time. Single tear, Teen Wolf. Single tear
- Oh, also, if you ever catch something deadly that’s sure to kill you, don’t go looking for Grandpa Argent (Michael Hogan) to console you. He may have gotten the most memorable lines in the episode, but damn that man is cold!
- Finally, can the sassy black chick from the party (the one who dunks Stiles’ head in the water) become a regular member of the cast? I can already seen her skills with H2O coming in handy battling the Kanima and the Master. Plus this show doesn’t have enough sass…unless we keep bringing back those darned drag queens!
- Finally 2.0: Boys kissing in the background at the party. Subtle shout-out to we homos, or desperate catering to a niche market? You decide!
- Grandpa Argent (to Chris)“Your wife is already dead. That thing over there is just a cocoon waiting to hatch.” Cold.
- Grandpa Argent (to Chris): “Go upstairs and help your wife die with dignity. Because if she doesn’t fall on her own sword, one of us will have to run her through.” Colder.
- Allison (about Matt’s photos): “Well, police officers call it stalking.” Touche, Allison.
What do you think, Teen Wolf-ers: did the episode resonate with you? Were you crying sad crocodile tears for Victoria? Do you think Matt is the Master, or does that even matter now that Peter is back from the dead? And what was in the giant box Stiles got Lydia for her birthday??? Hit up the comments below
Teen Wolf airs Mondays at 10pm EST on MTV