Ohmygawd it’s baaaaack! And it’s got horrendous bangs!
Let’s bitch it out…
Although not everything is forgiven after the breathtakingly awful fall finale, the return of The CW’s Ringer was satisfying enough. I’d be comfortable under threat of death to classify this episode as an adequate return for the freshman series.
The big news is that both twins are in New York. In the words of Henry (Kristoffer Polaha): “It all comes back to her.” Well…yeah, because the show is kinda about the twins, ass.
Siobhan (Sarah Michelle Gellar) is looking to access the year end financial statements of Martin Charles, Andrew’s (Ioan Grufudd) company for reasons unknown. What’s her goal? Who knows…it’s Siobhan. We’re lucky if we get more than two lines out of her. In fact ‘It Just Got Normal’ (a very apropros title for once) gives us the most Siobhan since the pilot as we find out that she still loves Henry, she’s shocked and peeved that Bridget is macking on Andrew and she’s a fan of atrocious fashion (I’m looking at you, black 80s shoulder pad blazer with green trim). By episode’s end she has the files, confesses her feelings to Henry (twice, but who’s counting?) and promises to “fix things”.
This would all be more interesting, but we still have absolutely no idea what that means. What is Siobhan’s plan? What’s her goal with this whole dog and pony trick? She says that she still loves Henry and clearly wants to be with him, but does she want to move back to NY? If yes, then why does she keep stringing along small-head-big-body Tyler (Justin Bruening)? She couldn’t have known that he could tip her off about accessing the records from Andrew’s personal computer at home…so she’s just keeping him on the hook, pretending he’s her future baby daddy for shits and giggles?
With that said, I think that Siobhan’s home invasion of the Martin home was easily the best part of the episode. We open with Siobhan watching her sister in the shower with a strange mixture of fascination and potential malice (audience: creepy or hot?), flashed back two days and built back up to it. This includes a near miss when Andrew returns home for his briefcase and COMPLETELY FAILS TO SEE HER. Like, seriously? She’s standing in the middle of the frickin’ room in her incredibly distinctive and not-at-all-camouflage-y Oreo jacket (pictured above). I’m sorry, but this is not American Horror Story where the gimp in the leather onsie sneaks up on you in broad daylight. Clearly Andrew needs to invest the windfall his company is projected to earn by getting his eyes looked at.
So…that was ridiculous. The other problematic issues is what the writers seem to think pass for ‘twists’ which are, in fact, beyond obvious. Were we meant to be surprised when Siobhan took Bridget’s meteor sized diamond ring (a moment that should have elicited a ohnoshedidn’t and instead made me shrug and go “meh”)? Were we meant to have a genuine fear that Siobhan would be discovered when she broke first into Andrew’s office and then the house? Newsflash: Siobhan looks like her sister and they apparently act similar enough that the reformed stripper and recovering addict can pass for the cold fish socialite. Clearly the only drama that can result from any of this is if/when Bridget finally realizes that the reason Henry keeps accosting her at parties is because her sister is alive and back in town.
- The great Madchen Amick (Shelley from Twin Peaks!) guest stars as Siobhan’s old frienemy, Greer Sheridan. It seems that Greer long ago saw Siobhan and Henry doing the horizontal mambo at the Hotel Pivoine in Boston. It ruined her relationship with Siobhan, who threatened her, and Gemma, our dearly departed Big Red, whom she could never face again. Now as much as I love Amick, this was another in a long line of wasted Ringer guest spots. They might as well have hired Captain Exposition for all the scenes they gave her, and in the end she simply dumped the backstory about the hotel and the peonies. And will we ever see her again? Likely not!
- The hotel clue does bring Bridget one step closer to tying the dots to Siobhan. Dead ex-cop Charlie (or John) had the hotel name written on a piece of paper and Bridget now knows that there’s a sister (get it?!) hotel in Paris, which is where we know Siobhan (and Tyler) have been staying. Can I just say that as far as stupid errors go, this is pretty high up there? Siobhan clearly has some grand plan but she stupid enough to stay at the sister hotel (of the same name) as the one she previously shared with Henry? Dumb meet coincidence.
- Hilariously inappropriate observation of the week: I know that it’s now two weeks after Gemma’s death, but did anyone else think it was hysterical that Henry first tells Siobhan “Know what I miss? My wife” and then moments later suggests that he’s really busy taking meetings about his book? First, you didn’t even like your wife (he later suggests that he’s more than willing to get back together with Siobhan if she leaves Andrew). Second, how upset are you about your dead wife that you’re so busy pushing your trashy tome instead of, you know, grieving? Finally, the fact that earlier you couldn’t get your book noticed, but a few weeks after your wife’s death you’re taking meetings at the NY Times? Clearly the only reason that anyone is paying attention to it is because of the notoriety surrounding your wife’s murder. Morbid!
- Boring bits: Malcolm (Mike Colter) is likely going to get hired to be Andrew’s tech assistant. See kids, ex-junkies can make it big after all! Juliet (Zoey Deutch), meanwhile, does okay with her rape-victim storyline for the first part of the episode. When she gets drunk at the fundraiser for her public school and makes an ass of herself (and then Bridget does the same), I once again groaned at how awful this storyline is. I know I’m supposed to wonder whether Carpenter (Jason Dohring) really did rape her or not (his questioning inquiry after getting smacked by Bridget seemed genuine), but I Just. Don’t. Care. Nor do I care about Bridget and Andrew’s self-congratulatory conversation about what great parents they are because Juliet kept stuff from them, but they love her. Those two points do not address each other, folks
- Fun bit: After several episodes of stagnant storylines, Agent Machado (Nestor Carbonnell) finally gets to have some fun…or at least share screen time with a fun scene partner. When he tracks Charlie/John’s activities before Gemma’s murder to the Hamptons, Machado questions a sassy (read: bitchy) waitress about Charlie and Bridget. Loved her reference re: the name Siobhan (calling it “something weird” that Charlie called her), as well as her disdain for them because they gave her a crap tip on her birthday. Minute long speaking part = highlight of the episode.
So what did you think Ringers: was the wait worth it, or did you find the episode merely adequate as I did? Do you care about Juliet’s questionable rape, or what will happen now that Siobhan has stolen Bridget’s ring and Bridget lied to Andrew about it? Did you enjoy watching Buffy hit Logan Echolls? Do you miss Big Red?