Revenge plays the amnesia card, but thankfully that’s the worst element of an episode that otherwise has all cylinders firing.
Let’s bitch it out…Alright, let’s get this out in the open: amnesia storylines are stupid. They’re the worst kind of soap opera cliché, because unlike guilty pleasure clichés like evil twins or illegitimate babies, amnesiacs are simply no fun. Emily Thorne (Emily VanCamp) without her memory? That’s an automatic thumbs down in my books. It would have been much more fun if she had actually been fooling the sharks circling around her as Aiden (Barry Sloane) suggests. On the plus side, by the final scene – when Jack (Nick Wechsler) offers her the locket of his dead wife, Fauxmanda (RIP) – there’s a suggestion that the amnesia has completely lifted and Emily is back to her old REVENGE self.
A LOT happens in between, though. To get from the water following the shooting to Emily’s realization that her new husband, Daniel (Josh Bowman) shot her, there’s upwards of four major twists and reveals:
- Aiden’s got an old flame: We don’t really learn much about her aside from her name – Nico (Stephanie Jacobsen, from Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles) – and the fact that she’s a doctor who “owes Aiden a favour”. The question is does Nico actually want to help or was she going to inject Emily with something dangerous?
- Lydia (Amber Valletta) is framed: Poor Lydia just can’t catch a break, can she? The wannabe femme fatale gets thrown to the wolves by Conrad (Henry Cznery) after Victoria (Madeleine Stowe) confides that Daniel committed the shooting. I’ll admit that I’m surprised that Conrad actually cared enough about his son to help him considering their rivalry last season. It sure didn’t pay off, though – Daniel continues his “petulant child” routine and he and Conrad nearly get physical.
- The saddest part of all of this is that Lydia knew it was coming! She recognized that Conrad used the same line that he used before framing David Clarke…and she still let him play her. Goodbye for now, blondie!
- Emily tells Charlotte (Christa B. Allen) her father’s name: Oh shit. The only real pay-off that the amnesia story produces is this moment when Emily nearly reveals her true identity to her sister during a tender moment. Here’s my issue: Charlotte is full of BS. She’s been playing Emily all season, so where is all of this crap about caring for her coming from? It doesn’t gel; it feels like an attempt at character rehabilitation. No thanks, Revenge writers. I still want Charlotte fed to sharks
- Patrick (Justin Hartley) and Victoria make an infinity connection: Son and mom have a fight when Nolan (Gabriel Mann) tries to come between them at the hospital, but by the end of the episode Patrick makes it up to her by telling her about the infinity box in Nolan’s safe. We’re now one step closer to Victoria putting the pieces together about who Ems really is…
- Where were those police interviews being conducted, a boat shed? I’m pretty sure that the Graysons would have immediately been separated and questioned individually. And it doesn’t matter how much pull Conrad used to have as Governor, there’s no way he’d be able to throw his weight around like he does. A little too Keystone Cops
- How do Jack and Margaux (Karine Vanasse) not realize that Daniel is missing from the Voulez photos, but spot Lydia’s absence? ‘Cause that seems really unlikely. I really hope that Margaux is a smarter than this because she seems to get manipulated a lot
- How great is the scene when Lydia dumps red wine all over Victoria’s signature throne chair? I sooo wanted a Dynasty-style catfight, so I was a little disappointed that the hair pulling and punching didn’t go on a little longer
- Finally, for the first half of the episode when Victoria is a person of interest in Emily’s shooting, I kept imagining a spin-off where she’s sent to prison and becomes the queen of the jumpsuit squad. Can’t you just picture it? I’d call it Orange Is The New Bitch
- Nolan (when Aiden questions his abilities): “If you give me enough time, I will make the toilets flush in Morse code”
- Lydia (pouring wine on Victoria’s chair): “I always thought what this room needed was a splash of colour”
- Nolan (to Patrick): “I needed help today and you checked back into the Bates Motel”
- Vic (instructing Conrad to frame Lydia): “It’s a terrible feeling betraying someone you love. I’m so pleased you finally get to experience the sensation”
Your turn: What did you think of Revenge‘s return? Are you pleased that the amnesia stuff is done? Do you think Aiden’s new/old girlfriend is his ticket off the show? Will Patrick and Victoria get their hands on the infinity box? Does anyone legitimately care about Daniel anymore? Sound off below
Revenge airs Sundays at 9pm EST on ABC. Just a head’s up that next week’s review may be a little late as I’m travelling