It just wouldn’t be an event in the Hamptons if someone wasn’t being murdered, cheated on, robbed or arrested, now would it? Thankfully it’s just one of the four. Read on to find out which one!
Let’s bitch it out…If you didn’t guess from the image, it’s the final option as Conrad Grayson (Henry Czerny) misses the latter half of his second marriage to Victoria (Madeleine Stowe) after the police discover a metric ton of evidence linking him to the body of Gordon aka the White Haired Man (James Morrison). Turns out that Emily (Emily VanCamp) really is a cold-hearted beyotch: she’s had the body on ice this whole time, just waiting for the perfect time to use it for the purposes of REVENGE!
Nevermind that the police seemingly search the Grayson manor without ever informing the Graysons that they’re doing so, nor that the Initiative is able to spring Conrad from his cell in just a few hours, or even that no one would notice that the body had clearly been popsicled and then allowed to thaw…this is Revenge, where thoughts of plausibility are best left on the sidelines as Emily and whomever she takes on face off in a battle of wills.
This week that’s more or less Mason Treadwell (Roger Bart), the defamed writer that turns up occasionally to trade bitchy/witty barbs with Victoria and occasionally try to hammer out some investigative journalism. After zeroing in on Fauxmanda (Margarita Levieva) last week, the surprisingly healthy former coma victim and Hamptons Batman set Mason on a new path that intersects with Gordon’s body and Conrad’s arrest. Alas, poor Em: she barely gets to relax with a glass of red in her boobs-o’clock dress and flat-ironed hair before papa Grayson is sprung. And she was so close to reigniting the lust of REVENGE! with fellow revenger, Aiden (Barry Sloane) – looking damn fine in a James Bond impersonation suit. Man, this girl gets no play!
Of course, Em’s lack of under the double-sided tape will likely be the last thing on her mind when she realizes that Treadwell has connected her back to juvie and Faux. It’s a bit curious that Victoria is the one to direct Mason to that particular connection since she’s been sitting on Emily’s less-than-stellar background since she had Emily investigated when she and Daniel (Joshua Bowman) got serious. How is it that Victoria never figured out the web of red REVENGE!-yarn like Mason did, especially since she’s clearly much smarter than him? Very strange…
- This week on “Why is she on this show?”: Ashley (Ashley Madewke) dresses Daniel before the wedding, strips down to Tarzan-esque panties and dances with Aiden following the nuptuals. Um, thanks for coming out…and wearing that horrifyingly awful brown chiffon monstrosity?
- Seriously, though, is the wedding sponsored by the 80s? Those were some seriously fugly dresses in circulation
- In “Pathetically Boring Storylines” this week: Kenny (JR Bourne) still looks evil as he sniffs around the Stowaway’s opening, questioning dull-as-a-board Declan (Connor Paolo) and getting accolades from Jack (Nick Weschler). Meanwhile, Nolan (Gabriel Mann) puts the screws on Padma (Dilshad Vadsaria), asking her what she’ll do to protect “them” from the Graysons now that Daniel is on the hunt for Nollcorp. Collective yawns on both counts, though perhaps this will still end with sex slavery for Declan and a hail of bullets for Padma. One can hope, right?
- Pointless (childhood) flashbacks: check! Kara (Jennifer Jason Leigh) is an accomplished painter in flashbacks to Em’s early childhood, as well as Kara’s relationship with Gordon. The cliche alert comes into play when we learn that the Victoria Grayson job was to be Gordon’s last before running away with Kara. Ugh – one last job that goes awry?Really?
- My general ambivalence for the whole Kara/secret revenge plotline aside, her scene with Victoria on the balcony pays off in spades. Much like last week’s hug/pruning shears moment, this one is ripe with tension as we’re never quite certain whether Kara will lunge forward to push her rival off the balcony. Alas it doesn’t happy (perhaps it’s too soon after the last one?), but I am loving scenes of these two together
- Finally, proving that nice guys make poor life choices: Jack proposes to Faux on his boat. The last engagement that took place there didn’t end so well, but I’m sure this will be fine. Oh wait…isn’t the Amanda sunk in the flashforward from 2×01? Meh…maybe not then!
- Kara (to Victoria, about her influence on men): “You must cast quite the spell.”
- Nolan (questioning Emily’s knowledge of events involving the Graysons): “Oh right, watching your favourite closed caption show again?”
- Mason (to Victoria, re: Daniel and Ashley’s relationship): “Didn’t realize your son had stooped to doing the help.” Meow!
How are you feeling about Revenge now that Mason is closing in on the truth? What plans do the Initiative have for Conrad and Victoria? Will Emily ever get nekkid with another man, or is she doomed to perpetual revengey singledom? And are you caring more or less about the dumb “drag-down-the-hour” stories involving the Stowaway and Padma? Hit the comments below
Revenge airs Sundays at 9pm EST on ABC