Revenge recap 1×13: ‘Commitment’

It’s rainy proposal Wednesday: everyone’s favourite happy couple whose entire relationship is based on a lie has gotten engaged! In the rain, no less. Naturally, because this is Revenge, that is about the least interesting thing that happens in ‘Commitment.’

Let’s bitch it out…

The paternity scandal that ended last week’s episode rocks the Hamptons and the aftermath is downright epic. Right off the top of the hour, the “Charlotte” revelation creates three ripples:

The first ripple is that it royally screws over Victoria’s (Madeleine Stowe) divorce strategy. See Emily (Emily VanCamp) leaks the incriminating paternity Treadwell tape to Conrad (Henry Cznery), who immediately uses it as grounds for a paternity test on Charlotte (Christa B. Allen). Although he claims the truth won’t affect the girl’s trust, he’s not above using it as leverage in the divorce proceedings. It’s sad that his next interaction with Charlotte is to bitch her out and toss her back to Victoria. Cold…

The second ripple occurs when Daniel (Joshua Bowman) visits Conrad to tell him about his engagement to Emily. Conrad confesses that he knows Daniel has sided with Victoria (hence, in his eyes marriage=sham to get company shares). Interestingly Conrad stops short of telling Daniel the truth about Charlotte, merely indicating that Victoria has a huge secret. When Daniel questions her, she tells him the truth about Charlotte (yay for people telling the truth!). She then allows Daniel to infer that her distraught crying and pleas not to discuss it is because David Clarke (James Tupper) raped her (well, so much for truth telling).

The third ripple from the news about Charlotte is how Emily (Emily VanCamp) reacts. By which I mean, she does not. As in the news that our black hearted protagonist has a kid sister whose family she is actively trying to screw over produces has absolutely no impact on Emily’s plans for REVENGE! Double cold…

But you see, things could have gone differently. Victoria, zeroing in on the tape, fingers Fauxmanda (Margarita Levieva) as the culprit and summons her to Grayson manor for a tense afternoon tea. After a few barbs, Fauxmanda jets off, leaving behind a DNA-laced spoon that Victoria sends off for testing. Thankfully Huntley (James McCaffrey) the divorce lawyer who works for Emily fixes the results so that they come back as a match with Charlotte.The answer doesn’t exactly satisfy Victoria, so she hires a a thug to steal the tapes from Fauxmanda’s room. Naturally Jack (Nick Weschler) gets caught in the crossfire, prompting a Faux/Em heart to heart that ends with Em confessing the truth behind the identity switch and Faux leaving town.

The aftermath of the beating prompts Emily to reconsider her plan and how far she’s willing to go. She confides in Nolan (Gabriel Mann) that she’s going to pull out of the engagement with Daniel…at least until Daniel tells her about the inferred rape. And because of Victoria’s lies, Emily’s plans are back on – sweet sister Charlotte be damned!

Other Considerations:

• Anyone else get excited when Ashley (Ashley Madewke) overhears the Victoria/Conrad paternity fight because it might finally mean she’ll get involved in things? Anyone else get disappointed when she just uses it as a excuse to drink at Jack’s bar? At least we hear her gripe about Tyler “the psycho-ex boyfriend” who made out with Nolan – that was amusing.
• Speaking of Nolan: the fair haired billionaire solidifies his role as the conscience of the show. Following Jack’s beating, he bitches out Emily and then acts as sounding board when she decides to dial down the haterade. While these bonding moments are nice, I much prefer the snide Nolan who calls Faux “chatty Cathy” to the bleeding heart Nolan who says things like “I may have Jack’s blood all over my jacket, but you have it all over your hands.” Melodramatic much, Nolan? Guess we know who’s reading Hamlet this summer…
• Not only does it seem unlikely that Faux is actually gone, but how long should we bet that the lone tape that was overlooked in the Jack/thug scuffle stays hidden? One episode or two?
• Best moment of the evening: Victoria’s reaction to the engagement. Watching the Grayson matriarch struggle to raise her face in some semblance of happiness at Daniel’s engagement news is a work of art. Give Madeleine Stowe her awards already because the things she can do with the slightest facial movements are amahzing.
• Best lines of the night:

Fauxmanda: I just love summer storms, don’t you?

Victoria (deadpan): Not really, no