The Following continues to dredge the bottom of the barrel. There are a few glimmers of hope, but as always this show simply can’t resist reverting back to its true form: a total suckfest.
Let’s bitch it out…
I’ve begun to wonder if The Following should come with some kind of viewer advisory. Not about its graphic depictions of violence. More like a warning to potential viewers that they may pound repeatedly on nearby furniture or frighten neighbours with their frustrated cries. Yes, folks, it’s week three of The Following: Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.
- Joe (James Purefoy) is caught by Judy (Carrie Preston) leaning over a body. “Actually it is. It’s exactly what it looks like.” Kudos to the show for having a sense of humour about how bodies pile up around Joe.
- Hardy (Kevin Bacon) gets TWO STABBY dream sequences back to back??? OMFG Nobody’s falling for this BS.
- Carlos (when asked why he doesn’t like Valorie Curry’s Emma): “Uh – because she’s unlikable.” He speaks the truth.
- I feel like all of these scenes of Emma’s domestic boarding house bliss with the other Followers should be captioned “Meanwhile in New Jersey…” in the spirit of The Room
- Connie Nielsen’s Lily offers a lovely critique of society’s obsession with violence as she stares at a painting of men with animal heads eating each other? LE EFFING SIGH, The Following
- Joe suggests alcoholism is the same as being a serial killer. Sorry, but no.
- How convenient that Emma gets picked up on FBI surveillance juuuust as she’s meeting with Mark Twin (Sam Underwood) and therefore avoids being captured/killed.
- Seriously, why did Carrie Preston take this role? This whole “back water Joe” storyline is dragging on far too long and is not nearly compelling enough to justify this amount of screen time.
- According to Mark Twin, Roderick (remember him?) had plans to swap Joe’s DNA in order to fake his death WITH JOE’S DEAD TWIN BROTHER??? Um what?! Also: I’m pretty sure faking your own death is not as simple as pouring as scattering some charred remains around a crime scene. Then again what do I know? On this show all you need to do is live in a trailer in the swamps and apparently everyone thinks you’re totally dead and gone.
- Meanwhile in New Jersey…So why exactly are all of these Followers living together if they believe that Joe is dead? Do they honestly just hang around in this booby-trapped house watching the news? Do they not work? Do they just reminisce about the glory days of randomly killing people. It makes no sense.
- Apparently we’re playing that game where the writers try to pretend that Hardy won’t be involved in the case. This should be entertaining since there’s a snowball’s chance in hell that’ll happen.
- I do love Lily’s “Oh that’s ridiculous. Come on up!” retort when her police detail tries to send Hardy away.
- How many times will Gillian/Gisele/French Girl (Camille De Pazzis) ask to kill Carlos? How many times can we revisit the same scenes and dialogue? Does this cut down on the production costs or something? It’s seriously the exact same dialogue every week
- Mandy (Tiffany Boone) kills her mother because she “can’t let Joe go”. Because of course she effing can’t. Looks like we’re back to the shitastic The Following that we all know and hate.
- And now Carlos is dead, as well (guess that answers my previous question). I love how The Following confuses killing characters with plot development. A) Perhaps if we knew he wasn’t going to die since the very first moment he appeared on screen and 2) His sole defining character trait was speaking in ebonics. ‘Nuff said.
- Lily is evil because OF COURSE SHE EFFING IS. I forgot that everyone on this show is a cult member who is adept at killing and has a master plan laid out eighteen steps in advance. WHO IS WRITING THIS SHIZZ?
- Lily “Keyser Söze”’s her way down the street, disrobing and picking up new disguises as she goes because why not…ANNNND she’s the twins’ mother. Sure, why not? <throws hands in air>
- Agent Mendez is perturbed by this whole Lily revelation: “How do we explain that she just got up and walked out of here like a trained assassin?” Wow that is terrible line delivery. Valerie Cruz, please see the dialogue coach ASAP
- In closing, we have the usual shitty rock/goth cover of a famous song (“Stand By Me”) laid over montages of Followers burning shit and driving. Yup – that seems about right. It’s moody, it’s edgy, it’s…The Following. <punches couch, screams loudly>
What are your thoughts: did you think Lily was secretly a cultist? Shocked that Carlos didn’t make it? Shocked that Trudy didn’t make it? Worried that Hardy and Mike (Shawn Ashmore) may never make-out? Looking forward to Joe trimming his beard? Sound off below
The Following airs Mondays at 9pm EST on FOX. Next week it looks like we’re hitting incestville (just when you thought it couldn’t sink any lower).