The model house fails to impress everyone, Yu Tsai shows his softer side, and Tyra phones it in.
Let’s bitch it out…
This sorry attempt at a second episode of America’s Next Top Model serves no purpose: it delivers very little new narrative information, and it creates neither excitement nor tension. Honestly, it feels like ANTM simply didn’t have enough content to fill this lame waste of 40 minutes. That being said, there were a few redeemable moments.
The model house this year is a sprawling hill-top mansion with interior design by HGTV’s Property Brothers, Drew and Jonathan Scott. For many of the models, the move into the massive high-style model house is a huge step up from their less glamorous upbringings, and I’m usually right there celebrating with them. Not this time. The cycle 22 model house is utterly uninspiring: instead of a slam-glam designer orgy, it looks more like a bad Beetlejuice-inspired episode of Trading Spaces (with about as much budget). Although, I will hand it to Tyra, cramming the models into two crowded bedrooms on Zoolander-style bunks is a great way to introduce them to the realities of the modelling-world.
With only 14 beds for 22 contestants, we’re guaranteed some overnight drama. The Property Brothers attempt to alleviate the situation with a pose off in which Mamé’s tummy-ache tooch triumphs over fun-loving-Christian Ava. In addition to being able to sleep in the Tyra suite, Mamé wins a recorded video message from Tyra (gone are the days when Tyra regularly visits the house in person). Mikey also tries to help by opening his bed up to the “sexy girls,” and eventually scores (minus the touching) with flawsome Courtney.
There is inevitable tension between Bello and Devin, but the award for house bitch is pretty quickly awarded to Hadassah. At only 5’6” tall, she’s making sure the other models take notice. Unfortunately, her ill-conceived impromptu house meeting to lay down the law fails to attract the right kind of attention. Quelle surprise! Vying for her title is “I love my boobs” Alexa, who camps out in front of the selfie-mirror, then yells at the other models trying to use the room.
Traumatized by a night of revelling selfie-takers, Alexa is unable to cope with the frat-house reality of the model mansion, and she removes herself from the competition (I’m not convinced it wasn’t the horrible mishmash of stripes that drove her out). Yu Tsai, showing uncharacteristically authentic empathy, and a very sick Kelly Cutrone plead with Alexa to carry on, but she remains steadfast in her desire to leave. It would seem her super-human boobs are not able to protect her from everything. With Alexa gone, attention shifts to crazy-train Devin, who bad mouths Bello, and loses it during the photo shoot. I don’t usually approve when models confront each other, but I was completely behind Bello when he laid into Devin about his behaviour at the shoot. Whatever his failings, Bello isn’t two-faced.
- Once again, there was very little actual modelling content in this episode, but the standouts in the “hashtag shoot” are Nyle, Justin, Mamé, and Courtney.
- The panel loves Stefano’s ears, but I’m not there yet.
- Mikey is a walking erection … hopefully he can get his head out of his crotch before he gets arrested.
- Kelly loves Mikey: “He’s Rock n’ Roll!” Mikey may have some luck wooing her vote (he may already have).
- Miguel (the openly gay model) has had no camera time in two episodes, and he doesn’t make the Top 14. The same is true for a couple of other models. Why are they even in the show?
- Delanie: “I believe that I’m unique in this competition because not everybody looks like me.”
- Hadassah: “Mamé is so overly confident … Oh my god, like, you’ll be here for five minutes, because the next challenge, I’m definitely gonna, like, take it.”
- Mikey: “I love my hair … it’s something, I think works good in the high-fashion world, and it helps me get laid [heh heh] a lot!”
- Devin (after a harsh critique by Yu Tsai): “I’m from f****ing Elite Model Management! No one talks to me like that!”
- Tyra (about Devin): “He’s very editorial. I’m not sure if he could make money in fashion, but he could have a wonderful portfolio of high-fashion stock … that doesn’t pay anything.”
Your turn: What did you think of the decision to delay revealing the Top 14 in this episode? If Alexa hadn’t withdrawn, would she have made the cut? What did you think of the Property Brothers’ interior design: Fab or Fail? Sound off below.
ANTM airs Wednesdays at 8pm EST on The CW