After a spectacular two parter, American Horror Story: Asylum comes back to earth with a decent, but less memorable follow-up.
Let’s bitch it out…Like many shows approaching the mid-season / half-way point of the season, ‘The Origins Of Monstrosity’ feels like American Horror Story: Asylum revising its various storylines in anticipation of the second half of the season. Let’s break it down stream of consciousness style:
- Hmm, looks like those Bloody Face impostors from a few episodes back didn’t fare too well. Lesson learned: don’t impersonate an angry killer in a skin mask, kids.
- A mother tries to drop off her Damien-esque daughter Jenny (Nikki Hahn) at Briarcliff. Sister Jude (Jessica Lange) rebuffs the mom: “Prayer is your strength and your ally.” What show is she watching? That stuff hasn’t helped anyone so far!
- Heyyyy Lana (Sarah Paulson). It’s cute how she wakes up thinking she’s still safe. Beyotch, have you forgotten you’re hanging out in Thredson’s (Zachary Quinto) the dungeon? Thredson: “Obviously the basement is soundproof.” Methinks this is gonna suck for her.
- Thredson has mommy/abandonment issues. Of course he does! Leather crops helped him learn right and wrong. Sounds kinky.
- Wait, we’re getting kinkier! Flashback: Thredson projects his mommy issues onto 33 year old women, even corpses. Dude, do not take your top off and make out with the cadaver! Do you know where this body has been?! That is…not hot. He craves “skin to skin contact” – as so a Bloody Face is born.
- How much was Quinto paid to make-out with this body? Think they joke about this as a typical day on the set?
- Still in flashback: Thredson claims he needed someone a little more “lively.” So he picks…a librarian?
- Flashback ends (10 minutes later). That was a surprisingly long scene for a show with a bit of an ADD problem. It’s interesting that the show gave Quinto and Paulson this much time for the back-story. Something tells me that after Lange, these two are Ryan Murphy’s favourite actors
- Oops…looks like “Anne Frank” (Franka Potente) was right about Arden (James Cromwell) after all. Confirmed by Mr. Goodman (Mark Margolis): “This man is dangerous and a flight risk”
- Monsignor (Joseph Fiennes) alert. He visits Shelley (Chloë Sevigny) in the hospital to perform last rites. This prompts another (!) flashback to when he first took over Briarcliff and met Arden – then a tuberculosis physician. Arden suggests he was working on a bacterial cocktail to prevent disease; to benefit the greater good. Somehow this appeals enough to Monsignor to choke Shelley with the rosary
- Umm…are we really meant to believe that this is really the first time that Monsignor learns exactly what Arden has been doing?! That’s a credibility stretch there, writers.
- These scenes are intercut with Arden administering his syphilis/TB cocktail on Spivey (Mark Consuelos). Apparently his freaks are designed to survive an atomic blast. I don’t buy it that a man like the Monsignor would fall for this.
- Damien-child Jenny and Sister Mary Eunice (Lily Rabe) are baking. Considering all the other crazy sh*t that goes on in this place, it’s always so weird to see mundane life activities like meal preparation. Flashback to Mary Eunice (via Super 8 – very nice) who is the subject of a cruel teenage prank. Mary Eunice tells Jenny that religion is “all just a load of crap to keep you from doing what you want to do.” Then she calls Sister Jude a trashy drunk. Meow.
- Monsignor fires Sister Jude. He’s more efficient than Trump. Bam: Fired!
- Mary Eunice is eying Sister Jude’s red lingerie like it’s a tasty treat, but she doesn’t bite.
- Oh right, Kit (Evan Peters) is still on the show! I completely forgot about him. Kit calls Thredson to call him a phoney, lying bastard and Thredson goes apesh*t in front of Lana. Oh, sorry, Lana – guess your brilliant escape plan is on the rocks
- Mary Eunice dances provocatively in red lingerie in front of the cross. This may be one of the most blashphemous things the show has done. I love that she actually stole the lingerie!
- Sister Jude tricks Arden into a drink so that she can grab his fingerprints for Mr. Goodman, but oh wait! Mary Eunice is visiting Goodman instead. Clearly this won’t end well.
- And it doesn’t. Sister Jude finds his body. Wow – that is a sh*t ton of blood. Mary Eunice shows the photos to “Hans” aka Arden. He’s not overly fond of the name. He associates Nazi hunters with money grubbing Jews (James Cromwell must have loved filming these scenes…not).
- Mary Eunice tells Arden: “This is the beginning of a whole new era” – sounds like the mantra for the show at the halfway point in the season.
- Shocker: Jenny has killed her entire family down by the river. Why is this story even in here? It’s not as though there wasn’t enough to do with our main cast.
- Lana manages to save herself from being cut up by Thredson by associating herself with his mother. Smooth move, though this does mean putting up with him sucking on her t*ts. Uncomfortable!
- Back at the Briarcliff crime scene. Aww…hey Leo (Adam Levine). Glad to see you’re still dead. Incoming phone call from Bloody Face to the cops (he has the same ring-tone as me – squeal!)
- Oh shizz: stupid Mrs. Channing Tatum (Jenna Dewan-Tatum) is still alive. And in the same position as Lana, no less. Well, considering Bloody Face is still kicking around, I think we can predict how this turned out for Lana…so that’s probably not good news for Mrs. Tatum
So what did you think of the post two-parter episode? Did you miss Grace (Lizzie Brocheré) and her mangled vajayjay? Do you care what happens to Kit? Do you think Lana took the wrong psychological approach with Thredson? And what will Sister Jude do out in the world without her red lingerie?! Sound off below
American Horror Story: Asylum airs Wednesdays at 10pm EST on FX