Queer.Horror.Movies

The curated portfolio of film journalist Joe Lipsett

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E20 – “This Is God’s Court!”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://youtu.be/CEb6Sjr4K8Y

S01E020: “The Quilt of Hathor: The Awakening”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Ryan (John D. LeMay) is framed by the town leader, Reverend Josiah Grange (Scott Paulin), as the mastermind of all the killings sect.

  • Director: Last episode‘s director Timothy Bond returns to helm part two
  • Writer: Janet Maclean also wraps up her own arc
  • Famous Guest Star: Bernard Behrens plays Inquisitor Holmes. He would go on to play Van Helsing in Dracula: The Series, which is a thing that existed for a season

Dream a little dream of murder

Cursed Antique of the Week: The Quilt of Hathor continues to let its owner kill others in their dreams

Setting: The Penitite Colony

Best Death: Tie!

  1. Elder Florence (Araby Lockhart)’s eye plucking wouldn’t work because of her glasses and likely wouldn’t have killed her, but the gory aftermath is still enjoyable
  2. Reverend Grange’s slow motion second story fall is a solid end to a despicable character. Friday the 13th sure does love tossing characters out of windows

Quirkiest Add-On: The colony just has a giant stake built and ready to go?

Character Bits: Nada. It’s too tight a timeline for further character development

Corny Finish Line: Nothing verbal, but Ryan awakens with a gasp to the crack of lightning, which is the sound effect used to communicate that the Quilt of Hathor is being used for nefarious purposes

80s Fashion Closet: Sadly this is even worse than last episode, though Ryan does adopt an old-timey hat that makes him look like a day player at a historical reenactment place

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Yet more overacting from Micki (Louise Robey) when Ryan is put to the stake. Also, her look of affection when she lays the quilt on him in the coda once he’s back at Curious Goods is very telling

Ever feel like you’re having deja vu?

What Works…

Overall this is a fine, albeit unspectacular, wrap up to a two part episode. If you liked the first instalment, you’re apt to enjoy this. We’re provided a little more of the Ryan/Laura (Carolyn Dunn) romance, as well as more action to satisfy audience members who may have fallen asleep themselves in the more slow-paced first half.

The swapping out of villains – Josiah replaces Effie (Kate Trotter) – is disappointing to me (see below), but narratively it probably makes the most sense since there isn’t much further to take Effie, particularly once she and Josiah are married. Plus it’s evident from the start that Josiah isn’t fit to lead, so it’s no big surprise when he seizes the opportunity to take advantage of a cursed evil object for his own personal gain.

Still, it’s all a bit ho-hum.

SO. MUCH. JOSIAH

What Doesn’t Work…

If I’m being honest, I don’t know that this was a story that justified a two-part episode. I found Scott Paulin’s acting to be quite…broad (if we’re being polite) so all of the “God’s will” and other shouty line readings didn’t really do it for me. Since Reverend Grange really takes front and centre stage here, it’s hard to get away from him, which makes the episode that much more difficult to enjoy.

It’s also frustrating that we have another episode that eschews women for a male villain-centered plot. Perhaps the gendered nature of the murders between the two episodes is telling (In part one, Effie murders for love; Grange murders for power in part two) but, again, it winds up coming off as pretty reductive. A part of me is also disappointed that Trotter isn’t given more to do – she basically exists to introduce the quilt, get the ball rolling and then get murdered so that a man can take over.

As for the inclusion of a fiery set piece in each episode — cleansing ritual vs stake, with Micki freaking out in both — this winds up being far too repetitive. It’s almost as though there isn’t quite enough content to fill two whole episodes! Memo to future Friday the 13th writers: it’s not a callback when it just feels like padding.

Finally, I  love how Matthew (Diego Matamoros) is completely sidelined once Ryan decides to stay. Isn’t he still engaged to Laura? Why has that changed?!

Caught red handed (literally)

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Ohhh Jack’s “previously on…” monologue is so dramatic. Ryan is: “Alone. Alone with a KILLER”
  • How does Effie have such a sixth sense about when people are digging through her stuff? She catches Elder Florence in the act and immediately knocks her off because of her Spidey senses
  • Good gore effect on the blinded eyes, even if Florence’s glasses would have prevented such a poke
  • Things escalate quickly as the colonists accuse Ryan of witchcraft and Laura of being seduced (both are fair claims, if you wanna be honest)
  • Reverend Grange hears Ryan’s explanation…then actively chooses to believe (AND MARRY) Effie because he’s known her for longer. This isn’t suspicious at all
  • Have characters been breaking the fourth wall during the dream sequences the whole time? Josiah looks out at the audience before breaking Effie’s back and killing her
  • Interestingly the Victorian, fancy dress stuff is apparently how Effie visualizes the quilt, while Josiah has no time for such frivolous things. This is perhaps the most fully realized gender disparity Maclean introduces in the two episodes and it’s quite clever
  • Micki and Jack make a cameo appearance to announce the hearst has broken down. Thanks for phoning in, guys!
  • I quite like it when Inquisitor Holmes (Behrens) schools Matthew on being more accepting of Ryan, mostly because Matthew is such a dick
  • Brother Inquisitor calls Grange’s excuse for the mislaid quilt “convenient” so he’s immediately my new favourite character
  • In addition to killing Effie, Grange makes a series of power plays: he convinces Ryan he’s listening to him, he weaves a tale to appease the Inquisitor, then he kicks Ryan out under false pretences. Dude is working this colony like nobody’s business
  • “I never dreamed someone like you could exist.” Baaaaaaarf Ryan
  • Ryan is caught — literally red handed — over Inquisitor Holmes’ body with a knife <sigh>
  • Micki and Jack hilariously arrive just in time for Josiah to boot them out of the hearing. Again, thanks for coming folks!
  • Can we talk about how the colony just has a stake kicking around the grounds. Like, are they just always ready to burn people up?
  • Also: why is there singing? Why is there so much damn singing in these episodes?
  • Micki gets to deliver another ridiculous wailing performance while Ryan nearly burns up
  • Ohhhh a horseback vs horse carriage chase scene? Love it!
  • When did Josiah have time to hide the quilt after killing the Inquisitor? This timeline is confused
  • Seeing people fight over quilts never gets old (Narrator: it was old the first time)
  • Naturally now that they can be together, neither Ryan or Laura are willing to stick around. What a zzzzz conclusion
  • “I wish I’d never come here, never seen you, then I’d never have to leave you.” I mean, I guess that’s a compliment? I do feel like Ryan still has some work to do on his romance skills
  • So….Matthew wins? ‘Cause you know he’s totally gonna marry Laura now
  • Back at Curious Goods, Micki covers Ryan in a quilt. Shouldn’t everyone be a little afraid of quilts by now?
  • Update: oh, we’re doing the Carrie ending thing? Ok…

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode 21: “Double Exposure”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOKvn8MLdQk

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E19 – “I Knew The Quilt Was Evil”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nT4dWsB0T7w&t=1s

S01E019: “The Quilt of Hathor”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: While searching for a cursed quilt in a reclusive, anti-modern religious community, Ryan (John D. LeMay) falls in love with Laura (Carolyn Dunn) and joins a religious sect.

  • Director: Frequent Friday director Timothy Bond returns (past credits include The Poison Pen, Hellowe’en, and Shadow Boxer)
  • Writer: Janet Maclean kicks off the first of her two-part stint, but would go on to greater things writing for Danger Bay and Avonlea
  • Famous Guest Star: Kate Trotter, who plays villainous Effie Stokes, would eventually go on to play Lost Girl‘s The Norn

The quilt of dreams

Cursed Antique of the Week: The Quilt of Hathor let’s the owner kill others in their dreams

Setting: The Penotite Colony

Best Death: Jane Spring (Patricia Strelioff)’s dream death — she plummets two stories over the bannister and through a table to her death — is both beautiful and just the right amount of gory

Quirkiest Add-On: The fiery — and ridiculous — cleansing ritual

Character Bits: We meet Aunt Sarah Good (Helen Carscallen), a relative of Micki (Louise Robey) and Ryan’s, though she is set on fire before episode’s end

Corny Finish Line: “The quilt is a fake” Micki breathes in shock to wrap up the first part of the cliffhanger

80s Fashion Closet: Penotite culture dictates that its members dress conservatively, which limits the fun fashion choices significantly. However, the gaudy faux-Victorian clothing in the dream/murder sequences is quite enjoyable (albeit not period appropriate)

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: The more than Ryan falls in love with Laura, the more hyperbolic Micki becomes. Her orgiastic reactions during the “cleansing” fight are over the top hilarious and provide the clearest evidence yet that Micki is just as enamoured with Ryan as he is with her. Her resigned “Me, too” when Jack (Chris Wiggins) says he’ll miss Ryan is quite pathetic

A fiery (ridiculous) cleanse

What Works…

Perhaps because this is a two parter, the pacing of “The Quilt of Hathor” feels much more relaxed. It’s clear that writer writer Maclean and director Bond are taking the time to ensure that the unusual cultural practices of the Penotites has been firmly established. The actual cursed object comes off as an after-thought as a result; Ryan’s relationship with Laura takes precedent.

While I don’t feel as strongly about this particular storyline as I have about Micki‘s or Jack’s from previous episodes, it is nice to see John D. LeMay given more to do on the series. He rises to the occasion when given an opportunity to dig into more emotional material and while the speed of the storyline doesn’t work for me (more on that below), he and Carolyn Dunn have good chemistry that helps to sell their romantic connection.

Less believable, but far more entertaining, is the completely ridiculous cleansing ceremony involving an elevated fight to the death over a pit of flames. While several of the allusions to the Menonites is incorrect (and even inflammatory), this particular practice is so insane that it surpasses any kind of outrage to stand as one of the most bizarre sequences the series has ever done.

Finally, I must applaud Trotter, who essentially takes a one dimensional villain and elevates her into something interesting. Effie Stokes is a lovesick woman who lashes out at her romantic rivals; it’s the broadest archetype of a woman possible and yet Trotter imbues her old English line readings with subtle malice that makes Effie relatable and fresh. It’s good work in a thankless role.

Menonite Footloose

What Doesn’t Work…

As I mentioned above, I don’t love the Ryan/Laura storyline, if only because their love feels artificially inflated. Not unlike Jack’s rush job in the last episode, things go from a crush to a full-on love affair in the span of just a few hours. Whereas Jack’s relationship had a history that made it slightly more believable, here Ryan simply falls in love impossibly fast.

Micki’s reaction is similarly compacted, which makes her histrionic reaction to Ryan’s emotional distance from her and the case of the week feel over the top. Robey does herself no favours during the cleansing scene; once again it’s as though the actress has been told to play her reactions as big as possible and it comes off looking very amateurish. Not her finest hour, though at least it’s not playing enthralled to a vampire.

The terror of feeding horses is real

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Reverend Josiah Grange (Scott Paulin) is wearing THE worst fake beard I have ever seen on TV. You can literally see the glue lines
  • The fantasy sequences are among the most interesting visual technique the series has ever attempted. I don’t get the period piece/Victorian dress-up aspect of it, but the cinematography and costuming looks lush and beautiful
  • Please note that Ryan begins this episode dancing with a headless female mannequin and ends it practically engaged
  • Sarah Good runs down the ways that Penotites don’t like modern ways. This includes no music, no mirrors, no technology, the requirement to dress conservatively and participate in arranged marriages that are organized when the women are still children. If this is, in fact, taken off real Menonites, only the technology and conservative dress are real rules. The rest is offensive poppycock
  • Ryan notes that “we live the same way” when Sarah mentions there are punishments for sexual transgressions which…makes no sense
  • Laura looks distractingly like a young Kate MacKinnon
  • My main issue with Matthew (Diego Matamoros) is that he’s meant to be so much older than Laura, but he also looks very young and childish
  • Actual excerpt from my notes: “Oh Jesus, Ryan – no! Don’t sing!” LeMay does not have a good voice, even for something like a lullaby
  • Reverend Grange reminds me of John Lithgow when he insists that they must shun dance. We’re firmly in Menonite Footloose territory
  • One of the more interesting things “The Quilt of Hathor” does is find horror not in the cursed object storyline (no one seems particularly upset that people keep dying), but in the relationship storyline. For example: Ryan is stabbed in the arm by Matthew with a pitchfork when he hides in the hay in the barn and the music and direction treats it like it’s the scariest scene in the episode
  • I like that Ryan is warned that there will be consequences if he doesn’t stay away from Laura and in the very next scene they’re macking IN PUBLIC IN FRONT OF EVERYONE
  • Micki’s reactions during the cleansing fight are so fucking extra. I LOVE IT
  • The oddest moment occurs when Sarah Good accuses Effie of being evil and Effie counters that she (Effie) is…plain? Oh. Good comeback, Priscilla
  • The line “Who do you wanna call as a witness, the Sandman?” is so, so bad. What a groaner
  • While Micki’s plea with Ryan to accompany her home really helps cement the core of their relationship, I do love that part of her argument is that he’s too childish to be in love: “You love hot dogs and Saturday morning cartoons”
  • The fake quilt reveal isn’t the strongest cliffhanger to end the first part on. Prediction: Jack and Micki will have to stop Effie before she kills Laura for attempting to prevent her marriage to Reverend Grange

See you back here later today for Friday The 13th The Series episode twenty: the stunning conclusion of the two-parter, “The Quilt of Hathor: The Awakening”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEb6Sjr4K8Y

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E18 – “I Don’t Want To Be Stupid Anymore!”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://youtu.be/0BcdkU95Auw

S01E018: “Brain Drain”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: A mentally impaired man (Denis Forest) uses a cursed trephanator to steal brain-power from smart people, and his next target is Jack (Chris Wiggins)’ bride-to-be, Dr. Viola Rhodes (Carrie Snodgress).

  • Director: “Tales of the Undead” and “Tattoo” director Lyndon Chubbuck returns for his final Friday episode
  • Writer: “Shadow Boxer” writer Josh Miller returns for his second (and last) Friday script
  • Famous Guest Star: Denis Forest, who played Eddie in “Cupid’s Quiver“, returns for another villainous turn

The trephanator in all of its glory

Cursed Antique of the Week: A trephanator that takes the intelligence from one person who dies and gives it to another

Setting: The Museum of Science and History

Best Death: Pangborn’s (presumed) death by trephanator may be on the nose, but it feels just right

Quirkiest Add-On: The basement of the museum is filled with all kinds of odd objects, but an extended close-up on the skull of an animal is my favourite funny little bit

Character Bits: Jack and Viola were engaged to be married twenty years ago. When they reconnect, they snog and get engaged a second time!

Corny Finish Line: No jokes, just heartfelt sentiment as Jack loses the love of his life a second time

80s Fashion Closet: Nothing too distinctly memorable, although Micki (Louise Robey)’s giant black trench coat which appears to be about five times too big seems very much of the time

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: The banter when Ryan (John D. LeMay) and Micki are nearly discovered by Pangborn in the museum’s basement contains just the right amount of quippy repartee. Ryan asks Micki who her boyfriend in the crate is (it’s a skeleton) and her disgusted face at his suggestion is hilarious

Denis Forest delivers another imposing villain turn

What Works…

At times Friday The 13th feels like a yo-yo: one episode it’s down and the next it’s up. Thankfully the cleverly titled “Brain Drain” is a winner, in part due to another creepy turn by bad guy Denis Forest. While Pangborn doesn’t have the same malice as Eddie from episode 1×03, he’s still quietly threatening as a man desperate for intelligence. What really works for me about Forest’s performance are the subtle mannerisms that he adopts each time he consumes another person’s intelligence, especially when he dons glasses and an accent after he murders Dr. Verner (Brian Paul).

Not unlike “Root Of All Evil” the main reason that this episode works so well, however, is that it directly affects a core cast member’s story arc. Similar to how “Root Of All Evil” addressed Micki’s frustration at being caught between Curious Goods and her relationship with Lloyd, here Jack is confronted with a life changing opportunity to reconcile with his ex-fiancé, Viola. The fact that his romance runs even more directly afoul of the case of the week helps to dramatically increase the stakes when Viola’s life is put at risk by her work with Pangborn.

Even more surprising is the episode’s grim conclusion when Viola actually dies. Not unlike recent series best episode, “Vanity’s Mirror“, the decision here by screenwriter Miller to go dark and actually murder Jack’s fiancé is hardcore. I was certain that Jack would find a way to revert the process (something he even mentions, but ultimately elects not to pursue). It’s legitimately shocking when the episode ends with a grief-stricken Jack staring down the obituary card for Viola. Hats off to Friday The 13th for not playing it safe with this ending.

Carrie Snodgress is miscast as Viola

What Doesn’t Work…

Although I will give credit for Miller’s script decisions, at times his dialogue is more than a little tin-eared. This is particularly true when it comes to the romantic conversations between Jack and Viola. Part of it is uncomfortable word choices and part of it is Snodgress’ delivery. As much as I like the idea of Jack having a fiancé, I think Snodgress is miscast. She’s far from convincing and even seems uncomfortable in front of the camera at times (is it extremely bitchy to say that she’s most convincing after her brain has been sucked out? LOL)

Also: it’s a minor critique, but this is the second time in two episodes where people gets powers from a chair that kills. See yesterday’s complaint about the series reusing the same ideas so early in its run.

Viola is that you?

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Just like the last episode, we hardly know anything about Pangborn’s victims, but at least they have distinct personalities. Take Dr. Vincent Robeson (François Klanfer): he must deliver a big exposition dump to introduce the trephanator and the artificial brain, but he’s such a douchebag when he’s chatting with his colleague that you actively root for his death!
  • In case you were wondering the trephanator is a based on a real device and school of thought, though it is not typically used in such a magical way
  • The imagery and sound design when the trephanator is activated is quite good. Fangborn’s need to really crank the lever to activate the device gives it weight and the impact of the needle jabbing into victims’ necks is suitably jarring. Add in some gross suction sounds as the green liquid courses through tubes and the entire procedure becomes an appropriately horrifying fate
  • Aside from the exposition dump and the awkward romantic dialogue, the entire first act cruises along nicely without many hiccups
  • Does Ryan think that people get holes in their neck if they fall down the stairs? When Micki raises the puncture mark she saw on Dr. Verner’s neck after his fall at the museum, Ryan suggests the hole is from the fall, which…makes no sense
  • This exchange — right before Jack goes on his date with Viola — cracked me up. Why bother offering?!

Micki: “Do you want some help with your tie?”

Jack: “Isn’t it alright?”

Micki: “Mmhmm”

  • Did we know that Jack was married before? Did I just repress that?
  • More hilarious line readings: Why does Chris Wiggins pronounce Kenya like KIN-YA?
  • Also: why does Louise Robey adopt a UK accent when she’s talking to Ryan at one point?
  • If you’re keeping score at home, Micki and Jack have both gotten lucky now. Ryan alone remains the perennial virgin
  • Micki and Ryan claim that they waited up all night solely to ensure that Jack was alright. I call bullshit on these two; they’re gossip-y hens waiting for a debrief about his date
  • The distance between Pangborn and Viola’s timeline for teaching the brain linguistics is hilariously incompatible
  • My favourite campy scene from the episode occurs when Micki and Ryan investigate the museum and wind up hiding from Pangborn: they are identically dressed in leather jackets like the most uber-fashionable cat burglars imaginable
  • Two questions from this section:
    1. Why does it go on for soooo damn long?
    2. How does Micki get trapped in that crate?
  • Jack and Viola’s re-engagement happens so quickly that I half expected them to get married in the very next scene
  • Another hilarious dialogue exchange: Jack: “Viola and I are engaged.” Micki (without pause): “Jack, Viola’s in danger!” LOL. I get that time is of the essence, but you’re not even going to offer a congratulation?!
  • When they’re searching for Pangborn, Ryan laments that “he could be anywhere”. So where does Pangborn wind up being? Exactly where he’s been the entire rest of the episode
  • The moment that brain-sucked Viola stumbles into Pangborn immediately before he shoots Jack reminds me of the scene from The Faculty when Famke Janssen’s headless body is stumbling around the parking lot. It looks somewhere between “drunken” and “accidental”
  • I was genuinely surprised when Jack doesn’t try to reverse the procedure. I was also similarly surprised when the brain in the glass jar doesn’t appear in Curious Goods (or something equally ridiculous) at episode’s end
  • Finally, I get that Micki is trying to comfort Jack when she encourages him to focus on his time with Viola, but since it was approximately 48 hours, that’s not really a great suggestion…

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode nineteen: “The Quilt of Hathor” which is the first part of a two-parter! Dum dum dum!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nT4dWsB0T7w

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E017 – “You Give Me The Juice I Need To Go On”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avnsTQ7g1EM

S01E017: “The Electrocutioner”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Eli Pittman (Angelo Rizacos), an innocent survivor of an electric chair uses the chair’s magic powers to get revenge on those who put him in t

  • Director & Writer: “Root Of All Evil” writer Rob Hedden returns to both write and direct
  • Famous Guest Star: Rizacos makes his first of three guest appearances on the show

Electric chair in B/W

Cursed Antique of the Week: An electric chair that transfers electrical charges to its owner in exchange for bodies

Setting: Haverstock Reform School

Best Death: The dental chair deaths of the orphan kids are the most visually impressive, what with the black and white faces of death and the disappearing bodies

Quirkiest Add-On: Jack (Chris Wiggins) uses a needle and the charge off of the electric chair to create a compass to track Pittman in one of the show’s best science lessons yet

Character Bits: Micki (Louise Robey) once again expresses concern that a killer may get away unpunished, which is one of her recurring character traits

Corny Finish Line: “Kinda gives me a tingling feeling” Micki laughs as the static electricity from Ryan (John D. LeMay)’s lightning lamp makes her hair stand up straight

80s Fashion Closet: As always I could rest on my laurels with Micki’s hair, which is still in bouffant/bang mode, but it’s so much more fun to comment on the punk rock styling of teenage victim Melissa (Jennifer Cornish) who looks like she has stepped right out of A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: They wind up in a few harrowing situations together, but there’s a lack of sparks (ha!) between the cousins

The episode’s best setpiece

What Works…

The sequence when Micki and Ryan see Pittman kill Judge Avery and have to hide from him in the car while he repeatedly sends electrical current through the hood ornament is easily the episode’s best. It’s well directed, tense setpiece that combines science and showbiz magic in equal measure.

Outside of this, however, it is a bit more sparse. I’m not sure that I love Hedden’s handheld camerawork during Pittman’s black and white flashbacks, though it does help these sequences to stand out against the episode’s more traditional elements. The fact that these flashbacks are actually false memories, complete with Carrie-esque laughter by Pittman’s executioners, is an intriguing attempt by Hedden to visually capture Pittman’s state of mind as he carries out his murders. It’s a small touch, but effective.

It sounds a little odd, but the other piece of this otherwise mundane episode that stands out is the science. No, an electric chair cannot be disguised as a dentist chair and used to make orphan teenagers disappear in puffs of smoke, but the aforementioned car scene when Micki and Ryan, the homemade compass bit and the use of rubber gloves to ground Pittman’s electrical charge makes it apparent Hedden did at least some research in preparation for his directorial debut.

Ummm…this scene is problematic

What Doesn’t Work…

Friday The 13th loves a good revenge episode, but in this case it just falls flat. Pittman starts out as a sympathetic character, but following  the ten year time jump he’s already a full-on killer. The fact that this “innocent” man is murdering orphan teenagers, as well as his kindly boss, is pretty despicable. It also immediately eliminates any sympathy the audience may have harboured for his quest for vengeance.

It’s evident that the sole creative reason Pittman’s innocence is even included in the narrative is to explain why he was released from prison. The series has never satisfyingly explained why cursed objects turn reasonable, law-abiding citizens into killers and while most of the time I’m willing to overlook it, here it grates on me because Hedden’s script repeatedly brings up his innocence as though it somehow excuses his behaviour.

Another reason this particular storyline stands out more than in other episodes is because there’s so little else that is innovative or interesting to distract from it. The men that Pittman wants revenge on are all unknown to us, so it doesn’t matter if they’re killed. Even Frank Adamson‘s Warden Hobbs doesn’t have much character, despite multiple scenes with the Curious Goods crew. Between Pittman’s confused portrayal and the pile of anonymous bodies he leaves in his wake, “The Electrocutioner” feels long, drawn out and, sadly, not very exciting.

This is one of my favourite FT13 visuals EVER

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • The special effects in this episode are confusing. There’s nothing in the initial scene when Pittman is zapped (aside from the soundtrack), but then there’s a cacophony of effects in other scenes, including superimposed black and white skulls on the teen victims, smoke, red lights when Pittman collects their energy, and then blue lightning bolts when he uses his powers. It’s very inconsistent
  • Warden Hobb’s refusal to put Pittman back in the chair because “You can’t execute a man twice” sounds like some Double Jeopardy BS
  • My favourite line comes from Melissa, who comments (admittedly while high on dental gas) that dentistry is a “semi-groovy job”? What teen would honestly say that?!
  • There’s some initial discomfort when Pittman uses the electric chair on a black teen girl after reminding her that as an orphan, no one cares if she lives or dies. Considering this actress is not even given a line of dialogue, this scene comes off feeling icky and more than a little problematic
  • I will confess that I kind of love the idea that someone could disguise an electric chair as a dental chair. It’s completely ridiculous
  • Pittman sure does love to stretch out his murderous encounters. He always spends enough time with his victims to ensure they know who he is and let them recoil or demand that he leave because he zaps them
  • The most memorable visual in this entire episode is the dummy head that Pittman has on his desk. It’s terrifying
  • Another amazing Melissa moment occurs when she learns she can skip history class for a dental exam and she gets excited! “So history class is history” she exclaims. Who is this odd unicorn?!
  • The episode’s biggest groaner line occurs when Pittman’s boss, Mr Downing (Ron Hartmann) enquires of Melissa: “If you see her, would you give me a buzz?” Nyuk nyuk nyuk
  • I wish that Pittman’s torture of Downing with the dental tools was better executed. It’s obvious that there was no budget or capacity to actually make it look like there was tooth trauma, so it just looks silly to keep cutting away
  • That long sequence when Jack and Micki track Pittman in the basement using the home made compass starts off feeling really compelling, but quickly feels like padding for the episode runtime when it amounts to nothing
  • There was something inappropriately funny about Jack, Micki and Ryan trying to get to the Hobbs’ home in time for a 6pm dinner. 24 this ain’t
  • The use of a storm that knocks out the phones is reminiscent of “Bedazzled” which used the same narrative crutch, but in a more satisfying way. Here it just feels cheap
  • I love how Mrs. Hobbs (Marcia Bennett) apologizes to Pittman for calling him old when he tries to impersonate Ryan. It’s a funny, authentic touch in Hedden’s script
  • Probably shouldn’t have expected anything different, but when Pittman turns into a fried skeleton in the climax, I definitely groaned. The whole plot about how and why he escaped death ten years before is completely nonsensical, but wouldn’t it have made as much sense to simply have him lose his powers and go back to jail to pay for his real crimes this time. Friday The 13th loooooves to kill its villains
  • While it’s evident that Ryan’s lightning lamp is only included in the episode to connect visually to the case of the week, it’s still fun to end on a humourous note with Micki’s hair standing straight up from the static electricity

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode eighteen: “Brain Drain”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BcdkU95Auw

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E016 – “This Is Chinatown”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://youtu.be/bHdJswjmpcw

S01E016: “Tattoo”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Tommy Chen (Leonard Chow), a compulsive gambler in Chinatown, acquires tattoo needles that enable him to win big as long as someone else loses their life.

  • Director: “Tales Of The Undead” director Lyndon Chubbuck returns for his second episode
  • Writer: Stephen Katz, the writer of Cupid’s Quiver“” (aka the Atom Egoyan episode) returns for his second Friday episode, along with newcomer Dan DiStefano (he would go on to write for The Karate Kid TV series)
  • Famous Guest Star: Keye Luke, the actor who plays Grandfather Chen, plays Mr. Wing in the Gremlins sequel

The animated tattoo

Cursed Antique of the Week: A set of Chinese tattoo needles whose tattoos come to life and kill to give the tattooist good luck

Setting: The opium dens and gambling halls of Chinatown

Best Death: Tommy’s acquaintance is about to hit Ryan (John D. LeMay) when a monster arm punches through his chest Alien-style and chokes him to death. It’s nonsensical, but fun

Quirkiest Add-On: You can clearly see the Toronto streetcar in the background of a street scene. Scarily they haven’t changed since ’87!

Character Bits: Lewis Vendredi is revealed to be a terrible “deal with the devil” antiques vendor considering the box of tattoos literally reads “Great evil” on the outside

Corny Finish Line: “No, I’m not a healer. But I’ve always been very interested in the art.” Jack (Chris Wiggins) is truly a student of the world, isn’t he?

80s Fashion Closet: It’s clearly late fall or early winter when they shot this episode and there are plenty of exterior scenes, so most everyone is wearing trench coats. Still, Micki (Louise Robey)’s hair now has bangs, which is…something. The best look, however, has to be the cocktail waitress in the opening scene, whose wig looks straight out of BladeRunner

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Nada. I’m starting to get fidgety!

The Chen family dynamic works well

What Works…

After “Vanity’s Mirror” delivered a series best, it’s only natural that “Tattoo” would feel like a lesser episode. And yet, it acquits itself decently with an intriguing story that leans into the relationship of Chinese families. Tommy may be a self-destructive narcissist, but his Grandfather’s willingness to protect him out of tradition is an unique family dynamic that we haven’t seen on the series before. The Chen family focus, however, means that “Tattoo” dedicates less screen time for the Curious Goods team, so audience mileage may vary based on how invested they are in these one-off characters.

Also: the animated tattoos that turn into (mostly) creepy crawlies are kind of a cool twist on what could have been a rote cursed object of the week. You can definitely see the residual influence of “Tales Of The Undead” here.

The opium den is BEYOND offensive

What Doesn’t Work…

An 80s episode set in Chinatown raised some immediate red flags as the representation of minorities by white writers on genre television is fraught with tension (looking at you, Kung Fu: The Legend Continues). Although the family conflicts within the Chen family are handled delicately, there are a lot of other offensive stereotypes at play in “Tattoo.” The worst offender is the inclusion of a fucking opium den and a Chinese character who — naturally — uses kung fu when he fights Ryan. The resulting cultural depiction of Chinese characters is…not great at best and downright offensive at worst.

Besides the problematic depiction of the Chinese community, the cursed object — the tattoo needles — are also quite bland. I gave credit to the animated tattoos in the pro column above, but expanding beyond this episode, we’ve already seen several iterations (some bad, some good) of a cursed object that is exchanges murder for profit. It’s a tad disconcerting that Friday The 13th is already recycling variations of the same narrative so early in its run.

Alien FTW!

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Whoa – check out the hair on “Lady Luck” at the table in the opening scene
  • Considering how integral gambling is to this episode, it would have been interesting to spend a little more time on the actual game that’s being played since it’s not poker or craps like usual
  • Tommy borrowed money from Frankie Chow (Harvey Chow) at double the interest a week? Yikes – this kid really was desperate
  • I’ll confess that I’ve never understood how loan sharks profit from hurting people. Frankie gives Tommy “a short week – 24 hours” to get all of his money back to him which is clearly not going to pan out (at least not without magic!). I’m unsure how Frankie would ever get his $$$ back on this deadline; it’s not as though Tommy has collateral or a plan to come up with the funds
  • The location scout who sold the production team on this factory-like “basement” where all of the murders are committed should be scolded. There is absolutely no way that this space exists underneath a Chinatown club. The reality is that that place would be the size of a small den
  • The woman who is killed with the white wig gives me all kinds of Big Trouble in Little China vibes, which also feels kinda racist
  • I’m unsure about the moment when Tommy and his Grandfather have their first fight and Tommy punches him. That seems like a very extreme reaction that would have been better saved for later on (ie: when Tommy breaks the family bowls right before the climax)
  • “I need those needles. Those needles are my life!” may be the funniest line of dialogue in this episode
  • That opium den scene? Just ugh
  • I just can’t when Micki complains about the basket of crabs that Ryan traded for information. C’mon Micki, that basket would have been hella expensive and those crabs look delicious
  • I appreciated the fact that it is revealed that you don’t need “skill” to operate the tattoo needles (just “magic”) because the resulting designs look very intricate and professional
  • It’s pretty evident from the moment that Tommy’s sister, Linda (Mung-Ling Tsui) tells Micki where Tommy gambles that she’s going to wind up on the chopping block. I suppose it’s better than Micki being the one in danger like always
  • The moment where Ryan discovers the first woman’s body stuffed in the basement and Tommy’s friend attacks him did not work for me. Unless he didn’t actually see the body, it makes no sense for this guy to automatically begin fighting
  • Frankie tells the Curious Goods crew “What brings you to a part of town where you’re not wanted?” and later “We have our own customs, our own ways”. This is another uncomfortable depiction of casual racism because it infers that white people are automatically considered outsiders by Chinese people
  • Also: I didn’t know whether to groan or clap when the crew use fucking fireworks to open the locked door
  • The “very high risk” game turns out to be Russian Roulette, which doesn’t exactly fit with the cultural specificity of the episode. Also: how would Frankie profit off this game (aside from being able to provide a really dumb person to play)? The game is 50/50 luck, so those are pretty bad odds
  • Does Grandfather Chen give Jack a healing blowgun? I’m confused
  • I enjoy that Micki’s entire contribution in the finale involves shouting Tommy’s name before he inadvertently blows his own brains out. I suppose it’s still more than Ryan does

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode seventeen: “The Electrocutioner”, which is going to break my autocorrect

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avnsTQ7g1EM

[TADFF 18] ‘You Might Be The Killer’ Aims For Meta Slasher Horror Comedy

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While Kevin Williamson and Wes Craven certainly didn’t invent the self-referential horror film, due to its pop culture footprint Scream has become a natural point of comparison for every post-1996 metatextual horror film. More than twenty years ago Sidney Prescott and Ghostface grossed $100M+ and, in the process, redefined the way that audiences — and filmmakers — considered how horror films are constructed. The proliferation of self-aware horror films in the 00s and 10s reflects this change (for better or worse) as it is now considered fair game to have characters acknowledge their predicament with a knowing wink to the audience, even while they run around screaming and dying.

Enter Brett Simmons‘ new horror-comedy, You Might Be The Killer, a film that gleefully comments on the tropes of the first cycle of 80s slasher films, even as it aims to replicate them, all while adopting an intriguing non-linear narrative structure that jumps back and forth in time. Although the film fails to stand on its own two feet by offering something new and unexpected, writers Simmons, Thomas P. Vitale and Covis Berzoyne do a good job of constructing a film that honours the conventions of the subgenre while simultaneously referencing and abiding by them.

You Might Be The Killer begins in media res as camp director Sam (Fran Kranz) calls his best friend Chuck (Alyson Hannigan) in the middle of a massacre. He quickly explains that the majority of the camp counsellors have been murdered by a bone-machete wielding masked man and that he has barricaded himself inside a cabin in the hopes of staying alive. Chuck is a video store employee and Sam’s go-to horror movie expert so he enlists her help in figuring out how best to survive. Thus begins a loose sort of bracketing device in which Chuck asks Sam questions to uncover the events that unfolded, which prompts the narrative to double back on itself (often using a title card indicating the number of dead counsellors to help audiences keep track of the timeline).

Although the film initially plays up the mystery of the killer’s identity, the film’s title a dead giveaway as to who is responsible. After a brief period,  Simmons, Vitale and Berzoyne lay their cards on the table and acknowledge that Sam has been murdering his employees in a kind of fugue state; at this point the focus of You Might Be The Killer shifts from the mystery of “who” is the killer to the “why” the murders are happening, as well as “how” Sam can survive his situation. Throughout this process, Chuck reiterates the rules of the slasher genre according to its most popular entries (all while impressively manning the register and sassing customers who eavesdrop of the phone call).

Despite its meta elements, I would argue that the closest comparable film is not Scream, but 2015’s The Final Girls. Both films gently mock and play with the conventions of the slasher film while stringently adhering to them. Admittedly The Final Girls has a great deal more heart (and gender politics) working in its favour, but both films are fun, spirited endeavours that have a breezy vibe to them, thanks to a winsome cast.

The success of You Might Be The Killer is 100% thanks to Kranz and Hannigan. The two actors bring a great deal of audience goodwill from their various Joss Whedon projects to the production and their warm, empathetic screen presence helps engender audience investment. Even after it is revealed that Sam is the killer, Kranz manages to make him sympathetic and likeable. Hannigan arguably has the more challenging role of the two, given that she is divorced from all of the action; even stranded in a single video store set and forced to act all of her scenes on the phone, she’s a sheer delight. She infuses Chuck’s know-it-all, chipper, informative exposition with charm, easily making Chuck one of the highlights of the film.

Alas, despite the two strong performances anchoring the film, You Might Be The Killer peters out around the one hour mark. After a while it becomes clear that the film is using the self-referential material to prop itself up, and doesn’t have much else to offer. Little work is done to invest the other counsellors with distinct personalities, so watching the nearly dozen murders proves to be a rote exercise (even if the gore and the direction is ably and enthusiastically executed).

Ultimately You Might Be The Killers overstays its welcome and sputters to a (foregone) conclusion that relies too much on unearned audience investment in secondary characters who are little more than types. No matter how amusing the callbacks to 80s slashers are or how strong the two lead performances are, You Might Be The Killer still winds up feeling a little empty.

3.5/5

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E15 – “The Only Way To Take You To Prom Is On A Leash!”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://youtu.be/Q8Y1UDwGDGE

S01E015: “Vanity’s Mirror”

Wikipedia Plot Summary:An unattractive girl (Ingrid Veninger) uses a magic compact to make boys who insult her fall in love with her, then kills them to make them stop pestering her. (Sidebar: This description is hilariously on point)

  • Director: Thank god William Fruet (“The Inheritance“, “Scarecrow“) is back
  • Writer: This is the only credit for Ira Levant (story), while Roy Sallows kicks off the first of many Friday teleplays
  • Famous Guest Star: Veninger would go on to become a successful Canadian producer and writer

Cursed Antique of the Week: A gold compact that makes men fall in love with the owner

Setting: Lincoln High School

Best Death: While Greg (Zack Ward)’s trash compactor death is great in theory, the execution is sadly quite bloodless. That leaves Russel (Simon Reynolds)’s death by bandsaw — complete with a massive vertical spray of blood on the wall next to startled Helen — the next best option

Quirkiest Add-On: There’s a trash compactor on the roof of the school because, of course…

Character Bits: Jack (Chris Wiggins) carries a Swiss Army knife, which is super handy when he needs to cut down teenagers hanged in their bedrooms

Corny Finish Line: Considering the bleak outcome and the open ending, there is definitely no corny finish

80s Fashion Closet: OMG this episode is set at a high school during prom season, so there’s no shortage of crazy options to pick from. Obviously Helen’s monstrous teale taffeta dress and accompanying giant bow is AMAZING, but once again, I’ve got to go with a Micki (Louise Robey) selection: her collection of outrageous hats, including a huge (potentially felt?) beret is amazing

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Micki seems far more concerned about Ryan (John D. LeMay) than Jack is, but that’s understandable given the way that she and Jack divide up their search

Teen murderess Helen pulls off some hardcore kills

What Works…

Maybe it’s the red wine talking, but this episode kicked all kinds of ass! What begins as another tired cursed antique that gives the owner power over members of the opposite sex (which <sigh> is so boringly heteronormative) turns out to be something much darker and more depraved.

Credit Ingrid Veninger for her memorably unhinged, unflinching performance as Helen. Her glee at dispatching the high school bullies who mock her is matched only by her insatiable appetite for her sister Joanne (Gwendoline Pacey)’s hot boyfriend Scott (David Orth, in the first of three different appearances on the series). Initially it seems as though Helen is just another one-dimensional villain, but the unabashed relish she takes in murder (or near murder in the case of Joanne) is unparalleled on the series. She is hardcore and it’s a lot of fun to watch.

“Vanity’s Mirror” also strikes a really interesting balance between its horror and its (likely unintentional) comedy. Watching Ryan try to dodge the light from the vanity using his bag is, if we’re being honest, totally fucking hilarious. As are the scenes where rats crawl over his unconscious body when he falls from the railing. These oddball moments are juxtaposed by really, really dark moments of violence, including the scene when Joanne is strung up in her bedroom, or the shocking force of impact of the opening murder when a businessman is killed by a fire escape ladder. This violence is MUCH darker than most of the other episodes we’ve seen, which tend to pull back or mute the intensity of the murders.

I wonder to what extent director William Fruet had? It’s becoming increasingly clear that his episodes are among the best of the series, to the point that when I see his name in the credits, my expectations immediately increase. Here, once again, the direction, particularly of the action sequences, is much more visually dynamic and clear (sometimes the low production budget is evident in what the show does and does not show).

Throw in the fact that the Curious Goods crew are unable to save the lives of teenagers or recover the cursed object for the first time, and “Vanity’s Mirror” is a milestone episode.

Poor Joanne just wanted to go to prom!

What Doesn’t Work…

Honestly, between the craziness, the insane fashion and the super dark ending, this episode pretty much worked on every level for me. It’s one of the series’ best!

Scott and Helen take a final fatal plunge in the episode’s grim conclusion

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • The episode opens with yet another nighttime flower vendor. This is NOT A THING, Friday The 13th!
  • The businessman explains that he used to think Sylvia the flower vendor was “ugly”. Because she wears earmuffs over a hat and a few stray strands of hair are peeking out? I mean, sure, those teeth are a nightmare, but that hardly makes you ugly, right UK peeps?
  • The sound effect of the ladder hitting his face? A+
  • The first sign that this episode is unique is how it subverts expectations. I expected the businessman to be hit by a car because he’s standing in the street when Sylvia flashes him with the light. Instead it is she who is killed by a vehicle after she runs away from the murder scene in the alley
  • Is Helen meant to be ugly because she has acne?
  • In case you were wondering how the Curious Goods crew is faring on their cursed object hunt, we learn that they have recovered 23 objects (10% of the total). This means that they’re collecting 1.5 objects per episode (23 objects in 15 episodes) so it will take them 153 episodes to recover them all. Unfortunately Friday The 13th only runs for 67 episodes, so *spoiler* they’re not going to make it!
  • Those 80s insults, though. The bullies suggest Helen is from “the shallow end of the gene pool” while Scott explains she comes as “part of the package” if he wants to date Joanne. Greg also implies Helen is a dog when he comments that he would take her to prom on a leash. Way harsh, Tai
  • I probably wasn’t listening closely, but I didn’t realize Helen and Joanne were sisters until waaaay later in the episode
  • There’s something exceptionally grim about the way Helen dispatches Greg in the rooftop (?) trash compactor, but this death is too bloodless. It needs some gore
  • Micki’s efforts to recover the vanity at Helen’s place is exceptionally misguided. She comes on way too strong right off the bat! I would have slammed the door in her face, too
  • Can we talk about Russel’s frizzy-haired ponytail? Because wow…that is something
  • The death by bandsaw moves this episode from “good” to “great” in the space of a single blood splatter. That is some full-on slasher shit there and I am here for it
  • Ryan dodging those rays and yelling at Helen to stop it may be the funniest sequence of the series thus far. It’s highly amusing watching a high school teen threaten him to near death with a beam of light!
  • Also: the rat wrangler needed to do a lot more to make those rats look threatening. One appeared to be whispering into his ear “where’s the cheese?”

Helen’s look in “Vanity’s Mirror” as the inspiration for Josie Grossie’s prom look in Never Been Kissed

  • Ok, I’m all in on Helen’s prom dress: multiple levels, a matching head bow, a purple rhinestone belt, some pearls and a side ponytail. Holy hell. Now I know where Drew Barrymore’s Josie Grossie flashback prom look from Never Been Kissed comes from
  • Also: WTF is with Micki’s felt beret? That thing must be at least two stories tall
  • The moment when Helen finally turns the vanity on Scott and he roughs Joanne up (pushing her aggressively against the wall, punching her and hanging her in her room!) is shocking. Perhaps it is just because they’re teens, or because she has no idea it’s coming, but what happens to Joanne is genuinely upsetting. These events really reinforce the severity of the violence in this episode. It’s no joke
  • After Micki rescues him from the rats, Ryan screams at Helen from across the gymnasium, which is not exactly what you would call subtle
  • Did anyone notice that Helen’s dress is undone in the back? Is this a mistake by the costume department, or a reflection of the fact that Helen has no one in her life to perform simple tasks, like zipping her up?
  • The scenes of Helen and Scott dancing on the ledge of the roof is a smart second use of an existing set. That American flag isn’t fooling anyone, though. This show is as Canadian as they come
  • The moment Scott and Helen both go over the edge in slow motion is another genuine surprise because it never occurred to me that they might actually die. It’s so dark and so grim. This is the first time our heroes have failed to save an innocent bystander (and it’s a teenager, to boot)
  • Micki freaks out because they do not recover the mirror, which is yet another subverted expectation because they always find the cursed object. Instead the episode ends on an open-ended cliffhanger as a random hand reaches into frame to grab the compact as the credits roll. Does this mean we’ll see the vanity mirror in a future episode? Stay tuned!

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode sixteen: “Tattoo”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHdJswjmpcw

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E14 – “You’re No Phone Men”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://youtu.be/ytkvCcBYN0k

S01E014: “Bedazzled”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: After Jack (Chris Wiggins) and Ryan (John D. LeMay) recover a cursed lantern, the owner — Jonah (Alan Jordan) — tries to get it back by terrorizing Micki (Louise Robey) and her young guest, Richie (Gavin Magrath) at Curious Goods.

  • Director: Alexander Singer, who eventually becomes a major Star Trek: The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine contributor
  • Writer: Both Alfred Sole and Paul Monette are back for their second episode after “Tales Of The Undead “
  • Famous Guest Star: Strangely enough the second fiddle villain, Tom, is played by Prom Night‘s David Mucci

The magic, multi-purpose lantern

Cursed Antique of the Week: A lantern that causes people to spontaneously burst into flame…or it finds buried treasure…or both. It’s kinda unclear

Setting: Curious Goods gets top billing this episode

Best Death: Tie!

  1. One main goes up like a bonfire when he is immolated by the lantern in the first scene
  2. Officer Kennedy (Ratch Wallace) is brutally impaled with a stake from behind

Quirkiest Add-On: Great gory sound effects when Jonah removes the spear from Officer Kennedy’s chest. It sounds wet

Character Bits: Jack mentions a “monsoon in Singapore”, which supports our knowledge that he’s well-traveled

Corny Finish Line: “Kids” Micki mouths after her friend Jenny reveals to Jack and Ryan that she and Richie had anything BUT a nice quiet night at the store

80s Fashion Closet: The high waisted skirt and 3/4 length teale leggings SCREAM 80s to me

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Again, virtually nothing — though this is mainly because the cousins spend the majority of the episode apart

Micki is thankfully allowed to be much more than a damsel in distress

What Works…

Credit Friday The 13th for attempting something different (that isn’t a black & white time travelling vampire narrative). While home invasion films weren’t out of the ordinary in the late 80s, the decision to sideline two-thirds of the main cast and do a single location episode is unique for the show. Even if “Bedazzled”s premise doesn’t have quite enough juice to sustain an entire episode, it’s worth applauding the decision to take this risk.

Considering the ill-will that the series showed Louise Robey in the last episode, it’s nice to see her more or less get her own starring vehicle here. Robey absolutely nails her Final Girl role, too; the end of the episode is essentially one long fight scene between her and Jonah and Micki kicks some serious butt. Watching Micki use her brain and her brawn is incredibly satisfying, particularly after so many episodes that position her as little more than a damsel in distress. Hell, even the fight choreography is good!

Overall, what makes “Bedazzled” stand out is its willingness to experiment with a different narrative structure than the rest of the series. Starting things aboard the ship in media res immediately plunges us into the action and the rest of the episode naturally stems from there. It’s contained and sequential and it works.

Who ordered child endangerment?

What Doesn’t Work…

Admittedly the cursed object is less of a narrative driver than an inciting incident to get Jonah and Tom to Curious Goods. So that’s a bit of a cheat.

The inclusion of a random child is also frustrating. This isn’t the first time that Friday The 13th has introduced a character without any pretext (it occurred most notably with Birdie in “A Cup Of Time“) and it doesn’t feel any less jarring here. It’s hard to muster concern for the pudgy little brat when we’ve only just met him and while Richie acquits himself okay (he’s basically performing one of two roles: hog-tied in the basement or Home Alone-ing with Micki), his inclusion still feels like a bit of a desperate ploy by writers Sole and Monette to up the stakes by putting a child in danger.

Crispy Jonah

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • I definitely confused Jordan for William Mapother at first, so imagine my disappointment when I realized Tom Cruise’s cousin wasn’t the baddie
  • The in media res action sequence really adds great energy to kick off the episode. It’s a solid creative choice that I hope we see more of in the future
  • Also working well: the FX for the lantern immolation
  • It took me a moment but this ship is definitely the same one from Cronenberg’s episode, only it is filmed from the other side
  • Were prank callers really called “breathers” back in the 80s? That kind of sounds like a Tobe Hooper slasher
  • Jonah and Tim literally say the words “gain access to your [Micki’s] master box in the basement”. This is not an euphemism, but I still snickered because I’m basically a 12 years old boy
  • Richie is a brat right from the get-go. Not only does he repeatedly threaten to hide and scare Micki, he’s also a chocolate chip eating fattie. Naturally he immediately winds up being abducted and hog-tied
  • “You’re no phone men.” No shit, Micki
  • “Do you know what skin smells like when it burns?” Wow, this got graphic real quick…except that Jonah proceeds to just mildly burn her hair, which is the opposite of threatening
  • When Jonah prevents Micki from stabbing him, it kinda looks like they’re about to make out
  • Officer Kennedy — aka Officer Red Shirt — is LITERALLY wearing a red hat, which feels a little on the nose. At least he manages to kill Tim before he’s skewered
  • Micki gets locked in the vault with Richie <ugh> but the lack of Veda the doll from the pilot and “The Root Of All Evil” is exceedingly disappointing
  • Kennedy’s death, while predictable, is actually a pretty effective set piece. It has mood and atmosphere and is also surprisingly graphic
  • It’s odd that Micki actually removes the lantern from the vault. Surely it would be easier to just give Jonah what he wants rather than lugging that giant antique around
  • Ooof, the screeching of the doorknob to Micki’s room is the scariest thing in this entire episode. It’s like nails on a blackboard
  • Heh heh, Jonah calls Richie a “pup”. Because he’s fat (get it?)
  • I don’t know that electricity (and electrocution) work the way it does when Jonah gets zapped in the bedroom, though I will give props to Micki and Richie’s ingenuity
  • Also: kudos to the fight choreographer for that kitchen battle because it looks genuinely hardcore
  • Micki tosses Jonah over the bannister, then burns his face to smithereens. I must say the final result looks surprisingly crispy
  • Contrasting Jack and Ryan’s drama about the convention/car breakdown with Micki’s silence is obvious, but still totally works for me. Especially considering that Richie will need years and years and YEARS of therapy to recover from his incident
  • After glancing at the next episode title, I figured that the mirror Micki uses in the climax is the next episode’s cursed antique, but alas it is not! The writers really need to do better with their Easter eggs (by which I mean begin including any)

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode fifteen: “Vanity’s Mirror”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8Y1UDwGDGE&t=2s

[TADFF 18] Extracurricular Proves The Kids Aren’t Alright

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Ray Xue’s feature directorial debut, Extracurricular has a solid hook: the film is about a group of sociopathic teens who casually plan and execute murders in between College applications, book reports and dance recitals. Following in the footsteps of last year’s festival hit Tragedy Girls (albeit in less satirical fashion), Extracurricular aims to be shocking and topical but winds up missing the mark, despite confident direction by Xue and dedicated performances by the young cast.

The film opens solidly with a double murder right off the top. After a brief introduction, a pair of twenty-something lovebirds are awoken by the sound of their car alarm in the middle of the night. The man goes to investigate and never returns, leaving his girlfriend to discover his mutilated body outside and a group of neon-masked villains lining the driveway. After a brief chase, the woman is also dispatched by The Purge-like killers.

There’s no mystery about the identity of the murderers: the very next scene finds a foursome of teens chatting animatedly in a diner about what they felt worked and what didn’t. Aggressive leader Ian Gordon (Spencer Macpherson) is a nihilist, while his long haired brother Derek (Keenan Tracey) is flippant and casual. Derek’s girlfriend Jenny (Brittany Teo) initially presents as a little princess-y (she complains about the outdoor murder location), but is quickly revealed to be the most ambitious and murder-focused member of the group. Circling the periphery is defacto protagonist (or is it anti-hero?) Miriam (Brittany Raymond), who is detail-oriented but cautious.

Following the murders, writers Matthew Abrams and Padgett Arango slow things down. We see the foursome at school, where they’re revealed to be popular, scholastic, and involved in social activities. They just so happen to also use study period to plan future murders and survey social media for news of their extracurricular exploits. Abrams and Arango never quite nail the tone of the film, so it is unclear if audiences are meant to cheer for these murderous teens or condemn their psychopathic tendencies. There’s a suggestion that their boredom, the small town they live in and a lack of parental supervision has contributed to their development, but these ideas are never fully explored.

And therein lies Extracurricular‘s greatest problem. The script is poorly constructed, which hampers the film to such a degree that even its strengths can overcome the writing deficiencies.

While there are no hard and fast screenwriting rules that must be obeyed, there are several near-universal screenwriting techniques that successful writers use. And for a good reason: they work.

Abrams and Arango adhere to a fairly traditional structure for the first hour or so of the film, and then they make the ill-advised decision to abandon their course of action in favour of a series of unexpected – and unsatisfying – narrative developments. This proves to be their — and the film’s — undoing.

The most grievous mistake they make is asking the audience to invest in characters without paying that investment off.  If, for example, the vast majority of the film is centered around one character, the audience is likely going to assume that individual is your protagonist. If this character is given a love interest and a promising story arc, the audience will expect these elements to amount to something. If other characters are given backstories about absent or fractured relationships with their parents, this information might be seen by audiences as relevant to the story’s outcome.

Unfortunately this is not the case with Extracurricular, which introduces all of these components, then fails to address them or pay them off. And while this may seem like a daring or risqué inversion of audience expectations in an attempt to do something unique and out of the box, the reality is that most of the climax feels out of the blue, undercooked and, unfortunately, quite unsatisfying.

This is a shame because Xue’s direction is solid. He has a good understanding of how to light and shoot kill sequences, alternating between jerky handheld action and steadicam long shots. There’s also a sense of experimentation in the way he uses the camera, such as his slow 360 degree pan around the room in a scene when the group discusses which mask to wear for a Halloween kill. Traditional cutting would have sufficed, but the circular motion is more engaging and reinforces the meandering nature of their conversation.

The young cast is also extremely game, particularly Teo and Raymond. As the not-so-secret sadist, Teo is frighteningly efficient — what may be a strange hobby for the others comes off as a vocation to Jenny. Raymond, meanwhile, has the most meaty material to work with; Miriam is not only the most apprehensive member of the group, she is negotiating her burgeoning feelings for a classmate, videographer Layla (Shanel Maida). The chemistry between the pair is appropriately romantic, particularly in the dreamy sequences when Layla films Miriam dancing for her College application. Miriam’s slow drift away from her homicidal friends is Extracurricular‘s most engaging storyline, which only makes it all the more frustrating when Abrams and Arango abandon it in favour of a series of twist endings.

Sadly, despite strong direction and dedicated performances by the cast, the film is undone by poor scripting decisions. There’s a kernel of something great here, but Extracurricular ultimately fails the written.

2/5

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E13 – ““Noooo, I Don’t Wanna Go!”

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Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://youtu.be/vLyKVN7zTCY

S01E013: “The Baron’s Bride”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Micki (Louise Robey) and Ryan (John D. LeMay) are thrown back in 19th-century London along with murderous, hypnotic vampire Frank (Tom McCamus) who has his eyes on Micki.

  • Director: Bradford May — prolific director of many, many episodes of JAG
  • Writer: Larry Gaynor had a very brief career circa 1985-1990 writing for Danger Bay and Seeing Things
  • Famous Guest Star: McCamus, who would go on to guest on Mutant X and Orphan Black

Haunted cape + clasp

Cursed Antique of the Week: A magical cape that makes its wearer irresistible to women AND a clasp that allows time travel when activated by a drop of blood

Setting: London 1875

Best Death: Lead vampire Marie Simmons (Diana Barrington) is staked through the back with her own For Rent sign

Quirkiest Add-On: The switch to black and white to signify the jump into the past

Character Bits: Even fake-ass vampires can sense the incestual pull between the cousins

Corny Finish Line: Writer Abraham (Kevin Bundy) turns out to be Bram Stoker <insert wah wah noise>

80s Fashion Closet: I don’t know if it’s 80s fashion, but that the cowl on that cape looks cheap AF

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Not much, aside from the fact that everyone knows that they’re hot for each other

Poor Tom McCamus

What Works…

Umm, literally nothing. I’m not even being spiteful. This is easily the worst episode of the series (to date).

Louise Robey is saddled with the worst part of her career

What Doesn’t Work…

Everything. Like literally EVERYTHING.

“The Baron’s Bride” is the equivalent of Friday The 13th throwing everything at the wall and seeing what sticks (A: nothing). Vampires? Sure. Mind controlling cape? Why not! Time travel? Sweet Jebus — of course!

Look, this episode might have been fine with only one of these components. Maaaybe it could have managed two. But all three? No, this is a clusterf*ck.

Where to even begin? The vampire “effects” and cold open at the Simmons house set the tone and that tone is laughable. Everyone is overacting and being kind of ridiculous, like this is a repertory school for novice actors. Then suddenly we’re thrown into a black and white version of the show set in London, UK 1875 (because whaaaaa?) The rest of the episode includes: a) copious amounts of tedious slow-motion running b) a female character, Caitlin (Susannah Hoffmann) whose sole function is to profess her love for her husband and die and c) Louise Robey completely losing all ability to act. It. Is. Painful! Everyone deserves better and no one rises above this dreck.

Terrible. Terrible. Terrible.

I’ll allow this

Stream of Consciousness Musings

  • Apparently putting on the cape also means putting on makeup? The minute that Frank puts the cape on, he’s suddenly wearing lipstick and eyeliner
  • House letter Marie is both a vampire and she only speaks in rhymes? Ugh, this woman deserves to be staked
  • Marie smacking them around is…not threatening. It just looks very silly
  • I’m unsure how Micki’s blood gets on the clasp considering she’s nearly a foot away from Frank
  • I love how Abraham and Caitlin mistake Micki and Ryan for theatre actors. Robey and LeMay probably wish they were after this episode
  • Just in case you didn’t get enough bullshit Jack the Ripper nonsense from “Doctor Jack“, we’re now killing old-timey prostitutes in this episode
  • Actual line from my notes: “Caitlin is a ‘proper’ lady”
  • The slow motion running down the streets? I just can’t
  • Do you think the production team spent their entire budget on smoke machines?
  • I legitimately thought that we had stumbled onto the set of a John Woo movie when they open the door to that basement and a bunch of pigeons fly out
  • Why does Frank age rapidly (a la The Hunger) when he takes off the cape considering Marie never did? Is it a sexist cape that only works for men?
  • I usually appreciate the efforts to create some distinctive scores/music for each episode, but I don’t understand the need for a whistle each time Frank uses his vampire strength/powers
  • My favourite moment of the episode is when Abraham rushes at Frank with a string of garlic
  • Micki’s incessant screams as they drag her away from Frank are painful. I felt for Robey so much during the episode because it must have been humiliating for her to have to do this
  • Favourite line of the episode: “We can’t lose – it’s two against one” Abraham tells Caitlin, like an idiot
  • Blah blah blah – Caitlin is murdered, Abraham blames them for everything that’s happened in the less than 24 hours they’ve been in his life, Micki wants to face suck with Frank and Abraham rescues them at the last minute. It’s all soooo incredibly predictable (AND poorly executed to boot)
  • The coda with the “Abraham wrote Dracula” bit? The rotten cherry on the top of this shit sundae, my friends. Good riddance to this episode!

Alright, let’s never speak of this again. See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode fourteen: “Bedazzled”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytkvCcBYN0k