…and I want that show cancelled.
Spoilers follow…
Missed a review? Episodes 4.01-3 / 4.04
Let’s get this out of the way right off the top: Michael Rapaport has been an annoying “character” on the show since the premiere. He narrowly escaped being banished early on; if not for Ron Funches‘ damning evidence of Porscha, it’s possible that Michael might have gotten the chop.
Credit reality TV editing because since those first few episodes, Michael (and his feud with Yam Yam) have faded into the background as other narratives, like Colton Underwood‘s dogged pursuit of Tiffany last episode, took center stage.
Episode 5 “If You’re Gonna Come For Me, I’ll Finish You” blends the two storylines together as Colton sets his sights on Michael and the two go at each other like rabid dogs. They’re both opinionated loudmouths, so it’s no big surprise when neither backs down, leading to some extremely ridiculous grandstanding from both men. A telling exchange happens as they follow each other from room to room, with Colton pontificating “If I miss my shot, I’m still shooting!” as Michael belligerently bellows*
“He’s a traitor!”
*I can use alliteration, too 😉
It’s simultaneously amusing and annoying to watch, which means it was likely exhausting to suffer through for the houseguests (I can only imagine how many hours they did this leading up to the Round Table). It’s no wonder that so many people opted to vote Michael out, not because they suspected that he was a Traitor, but because – as Eric Nam eloquently states – “Even if you are a faithful, you hurt us more than you help us at this point.”
Of course, it must be acknowledged that, in the course of his alliterative attacks on Colton, Michael makes what many people at the Table interpret as a homophobic insinuation. I’ll confess that I didn’t take it that way, if only because what we’ve seen of Michael during the show suggests that he’s an impulsive idiot, not a bigot*
*At least not when it comes to sexuality. Islamophobia on the other hand…
Still, it’s not hard to understand why several players took Michael’s comments as a personal attack, adding fuel to the fire that regardless of whether Michael is a Traitor or a Bad Faithful, he’s a hurtful distraction. (Sidebar: considering at least 1/4 of the players are queer, you’d think folks would be a bit more careful with their words)
In any case, no one is surprised when Michael gets the kibosh. Thankfully that’s not the only exciting development that occurs in this episode!
The mission is a relatively straightforward $16K affair (two grand per recovered statue and voilà, host Alan Cumming‘s blood fountain is repaired). Instead it’s the shields that wind up creating drama through the end of the episode (and beyond) as the contestants are told that there will be a murder blackout if everyone abstains from taking a shield. This is a change from the UK’s version, and it ultimately proves to be a juicy, tension-generating subplot the further the episode progresses.
As is often the case with the US version, most players are focused on their individual game as opposed to approaching things as a team. This means there’s A LOT of hints that someone from the river or the labyrinth teams (or someones plural) took a shield, though Alan cruelly refuses to clear the air at the end of the mission, nor the Round Table.
It’s a pretty solid tease, especially in light of a new development involving Traitor Lisa Rinna.
The episode opened with the reveal that Lisa and her fellow Traitors, Candiace Dillard Bassett and Rob Rausch, murdered Monét X Change, principally because the drag performer had the audacity to mention Lisa’s name. By episode’s end, ironically, Colton is openly discussing the possibility that she’s a Traitor and garnering evidence from folks like Dorinda Medley, who has also noticed a change in Lisa’s typically outgoing personality.
This sets Lisa off in the Turret, though the immediate impulse to target Colton (if they can actually murder) feels extremely short-sighted. It seems our Traitors haven’t been listening to folks like Kristen Kish and Johnny Weir, who are zeroing in on Colton for “whipping the votes.” There’s enough heat on the gay Bachelor that he’s apt to be banished at the next Round Table if they play their cards right. Don’t waste a murder, Traitors!
Other Observations:
- Rob’s overall and no shirt look? Smoking. I’m with Johnny when he tells the others, “I can barely look at him he’s so hot.”
- Also hot? Correcting Michael’s incorrect use of “commiserating.” I appreciated Michael’s attempt to get a verbal jingle going (“Colton’s Killers” is better, for my money), but “commiserating, conniving Colton” ain’t it.
- Credit the editors for at least one genius cut. As players scrounge around the fountain, Alan observes “That’s a lot of butt”, then we cut to the marble ass of a statue.
- A lot of great lines in this episode overall (folks are very quippy):
- Natalie, clocking who comes in to breakfast: “And Ron, obviously”
- Ron: “I haven’t gotten applause that light since I was an open mic-er”
- Colton (when Dorinda suggests she would have liked to be around during his “heterosexual” Bachelor days): “Congrats, you dodged a bullet”
- Candiace: “What if I fall in this water and get a yeast infection? Who’s going to take care of my coochie?”
- Alan, in an aside to the audience: “I will never tire of a soggy Housewife”
- Michael: “The labber-nith!” (I died when the subtitles spelled it the way he said it)
My predictions for episode 6 and on:
- Team Boring/Just kill them already: Mark Ballas, Johnny Weir, Stephen Colletti, Tara Lipinski, Maura Higgins
- I did appreciate when Tara confessed: “I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to get better at this game.” Which means she’ll probably go far!
- Most likely to secretly win everything: It’s still Rob (Traitors) and Natalie Anderson‘s (Faithful) game to lose
- Most likely to be murdered: Colton
- Most likely to be banished: Colton (if he survives being murdered), Ron (he took the rest of the votes that didn’t go to Michael)
The Traitors US airs Thursdays on Peacock