Archives for October 2018

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E07 – “He’s Turning Medicine Into A 3-Ring Circus”

October 10, 2018 by Joe Lipsett

Welcome to the Friday The 13th The Series rewatch. Each day throughout October, we’ll watch one episode of the seminal 1987 television series and tackle the highs, the lows and Micki’s hair (of course). Now step into Curious Goods and peruse our cursed antiques, won’t you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0aPDwmDLEY&t=3s

S01E07: “Doctor Jack”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: A series of slashings leads the group to surgeon Dr. Vincent Howlett (Cliff Gorman) who loves the limelight. To complicate matters, a woman named Jean (Elva Mai Hoover) is seeking revenge on the doctor for her daughter’s murder.

Director: Richard Friedman, who just directed “The Great Montarro”
Writer: Marc Scott Zicree makes his Friday the 13th debut
Famous Guest Star: By this time Gorman had already starred in The Boys in the Band and 1984’s notorious virgin/madonna exploitation flick Angel

Ripper’s Knife

Cursed Antique of the Week: A victorian scalpel, thought to have belonged to Jack the Ripper

Setting: Ravenbrook Hospital

Best Death: With only two to choose from, I’ll go with Howlett’s, even if it’s a boring stab wound that ultimately kills him and not getting zapped by the defibrillator

Quirkiest Add-On: I have so many questions about the opening scene: why is the flower seller peddling his wares in the middle of the night? Why does he refuse his customer change? Why does Howlett opt to kill this man in the middle of a crowded area? It’s a very confusing set-up

Character Bits: Jack (Chris Wiggins) is injured so badly that he winds up needing surgery!

Corny Finish Line: Ryan (to Jack) – “The best part is with him out of the way, Howlett won’t be sending you a bill”

80s Fashion Closet: The clothes and hair in this episode are OUT OF CONTROL. Micki (Louise Robey)’s hair has never been so close to god and her shit brown shirt/jacket with three quarter sleeve and belt is hideously ugly. The most offensive article of clothing, however, has to be Ryan (John D. LeMay)’s excessively baggy jeans and XXL dog & dot sweater.

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Virtually nothing! I am SHOCKED

Way to prove me wrong show

What Works…

This is a slight step up in quality from “The Great Montarro” if only because there’s no mystery hampering the plot. It’s pretty clear from early on who the villain is and Gorman imbues Howlett with a good amount of evil narcissism. The murderous doctor isn’t exactly a nuanced character, but I would put him on par with Le Croix from episode two, who was a decent killer motivated by power, money and/or greed.

I guess I should also cop to the egg on my face. In the very last rewatch episode, I complained that the series needs to stop endangering its core cast because it’s not believable that any of will come to harm. Flashforward to this episode and low and behold Jack immediately falls down a (short) elevator shaft, winds up needing surgery and is recuperating in a wheelchair at episode’s end. Obviously you can’t have one of the three come to significant harm each episode, but Jack’s arc here helps to sell the idea that these adventures are perilous.

Perhaps Frankenstein would have been a better historical comparison?

What Doesn’t Work…

Seven episodes in and it’s becoming clear that Friday The 13th writers regularly supplement a subpar A-plot with a bizarre secondary one. When it’s batshit crazy a la Birdie nearly killing a homeless man in “A Cup Of Time“, I’m all for it. When it is grief-stricken homicidal mom Jean (Hoover) attempting to fire a gun in an abandoned hospital hallway? Um…

While I appreciate that Jean’s story fits into the main story more closely than some of the others we’ve seen <cough “The Great Montarro” cough>, it’s not seamless. Questions abound: how does Jack keep her locked up in the hospital without admitting her? Why isn’t she arrested by the police? All in all, Jean only really matters when it comes to the end of the episode when Micki and Ryan face off against Howlett in the derelict hospital hallways, but it would have been easy enough to excise her role entirely, which begs the question why she’s here in the first place.

This is, however, a minor complaint in comparison to the most egregious one: WHY DOES THIS EPISODE INCLUDE JACK THE RIPPER? Apologies for the all-caps, but this historical component plays like writer Zicree read an 80s microfiche (“he had surgical precision” mmhmm; “he might have been a doctor” ohhh, I can use that) and then whipped up this cockamamie treatment. The inclusion of the Ripper adds literally nothing to this episode; “Doctor Jack” would have worked just as well if it were about a scalpel that allows its wielder to save lives masterfully in exchange for semi-frequent kills (which is — shocker — what the episode is actually about!). Instead the inclusion or poor use of Jack the Ripper sets up a completely unnecessary expectation that is never paid off.

Behold their hideousness! The brown suit-thing and ugly sweater

Stream of Consciousness Musings

Oh how I do enjoy spotting reused sets! Not only is the alley gate that Howlett cuts through the same as “Hellowe’en“, the elevator that Jack falls down is the same as the one Lewis died in back in the pilot!
Is that Jason’s machete on display in Jim Bronson (Michael Copeman)’s knife shop?!
I can’t believe that there’s mention of pictures of Micki and Ryan with monkeys at the zoo, but we are never shown them. What a tease
According to Howlett, being able to cut open a man from groin to sternum and not be arrested = surgeon power! Yeah, no wonder this guy became a homicidal maniac
It’s surprising that the first time we see Howlett, his surgery & speech are actually part of his job interview. Another odd story choice
Cribbed from my actual notes: “So where have they locked up this delirious mother? ‘Cause it’s not like you can just find empty beds in a hospital”
The blackmail/coercion that Dr. Price (Doris Petrie) employs to force Howlett to perform a surgery he’s not ready for — in order to solidify his role and re-establish the reputation of the hospital — suggests that Price is actually the villain
It is unsurprising that Howlett must not only perform Jack’s surgery but keep him alive when he realizes who he is, but it still works for me
Micki, Ryan and Jean make the cardinal slasher mistake when they get the upper hand on Howlett: they knock him down and then run away instead of finishing him off. Kick the shit out of him and be done with it!
You can see the defibrillator death coming a mile away, but what surprises me is that Micki waits until Howlett nearly stabs her. Girl, that’s dangerous! It would have been better to zap his hand, arm or head rather than wait to zap that scalpel!
How is Ryan not in jail considering the number of times he has picked up a murder object? Dude, don’t pull the knife out of the dead guy
I’ve added a new section up top, but in case you missed it, the episode ends on this corny one-liner: “The best part is with him out of the way, Howlett won’t be sending you a bill”

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode eight: “Shadow Boxer”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ByKlr_BIls

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E06 – “Do Not Invite To The Same Party”

October 9, 2018 by Joe Lipsett

https://youtu.be/LNlVfJo1Z_g

S01E06: “The Great Montarro”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: In order to find out who is using a set of deadly magician boxes, Jack (Chris Wiggins) enters a magic competition under his old alias, “Mad Marshak”.

Director: Richard Friedman, who previously worked on Tales From The Darkside and later filmed several episodes of Baywatch Nights (blech)
Writer: Durnford King, who penned the second episode “The Poison Pen“
Famous Guest Star: Graeme Campbell, who worked extensively in Canadian television and in animated TV such as Rupert and The Adventures of Tintin

The Houdin Box…of boredom

Cursed Antique of the Week: The Houdin Box, which look like a coffin and works a bit like the Vanishing Cabinet in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by transferring injury to a person somewhere else

Setting: The “closed set” of a magician contest

Best Death: Wannabe magician Tommy (Jefferson Mappin) is killed during the Bed of Nails practice run

Quirkiest Add-On: “Miranda”is revealed to be Robert (Martin Neufeld)’s cross-dressing alter-ego attempt to sneak into the contest, which hardly seemed necessary since he apparently had the talent to get into the Top 5…

Character Bits: Nothing really. We already knew from “Hellowe’en” that Jack practiced magic so the only new character development is the surprise is when Micki (Louise Robey) is so comfortable in the lime light as a magician’s assistant

80s Fashion Closet: Micki’s hair seems bigger and fluffier than usual, but I will focus my attention on her magician’s assistant outfit. It comes complete with a cane for pointing, a gaudy giant crystal broach, planet-sized globe earrings and a feathery hairpiece. Hilariously she winds up wearing the costume for the latter half of the episode while everyone else remains in their street clothes.

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: The bitching and sniping is kept mostly to a minimum right up until the end of the episode when Ryan (John D. LeMay) is wrapped up in the straight jacket and chains. Aside from that they mostly act like normal people!

More sequences like this please

What Works…

“The Great Montarro” is not my favourite episode of the series (in fact it currently ranks at the bottom), so I don’t have a lot to work with here.

If there is one bright spot, it is undoubtedly when Tommy covertly takes Jack’s place during the Bed of Nails act and fails to escape the chains in time, resulting in an suitably bloody death. Is the death a bait and switch since we thought this was Jack? Sure, but Tommy’s reveal works as a nice inversion of the “protagonist in danger” trope that the series has been leaning on.

As for other positives: this is a stretch, but maybe the location? More than other episodes in the series, there’s consistently something interesting happening in the background as the other performers work on their acts in outrageous costumes.

The campiest of screams

What Doesn’t Work…

Sadly the second episode from writer Durnford King suffers from many of the same flaws of his first, namely poor pacing and a lack of engaging characters. “The Great Montarro” first slight and more than a bit bland; there’s a discernible lack of joie de vivre in the proceedings, which is impressive because how do you make a magic contest boring?!

First off, the Houdin Box is a dull as dish water cursed object. Not only does it lack the bizarre personality of something like the Cupid Quiver or the Swapper’s Ivy Teacup, it doesn’t even kill in an interesting fashion. Without a face or a more intriguing hook, it’s basically just a stone monolith with a coloured crystal on top.

Second, Lyla (Lesleh Donaldson)’s killer reveal only works if you don’t pay attention during her initial conversation with Micki. Lyla admits that she’s been on the road with her father (Campbell) since she was sixteen, but she apparently has no idea how the “Coffin of Blood” works? That’s obviously a clue that she’s lying about the trick, if not outright responsible for the whole thing.

Third (and most importantly), the Friday the 13th writers can’t continue to threaten our main trio with death every episode. It’s simply not believable that any of the three of them are in any danger, so putting Micki into a literal death trap at the climax guarantees a lack of tension. At least in “Hellowe’en” the death was a fun conveyor belt of death (still not believable that they would die, but fun!) This climax has zero tension and suffers for it.

Also: why the hell do all of these characters have such generic names?! This episode features characters named Tommy, Robert, Tony and Monte. Can someone please provide Durnford King a phonebook so that he can diversify his character names?

Matchy-matchy

Stream of Consciousness Musings

It’s unclear, but does Fahteem The Magnificent (aka Harvey The Sleazeball) sexually assault his first victim before killing her in the box? If so, double ick
Reusing the impaling death with Fahteem so soon after the girl’s in the opening scene really mutes the impact the second time around
Ryan is consistently proven to be a dunce by this series. Case in point: his sarcastic, albeit innocuous, joke that “Being a magician is a dangerous job” is immediately proven true when a bunch of magicians are murdered
Micki and Ryan essentially wear the same jacket when they interrogate Robert and I was LIVING for it
Robert’s blackmail scheme against Lyla and Montarro is one plot twist too many and — more problematically — it doesn’t add much to the proceedings. It’s similar to the press scenes in “The Poison Pen” which seem to be there primarily to fill out an underwhelming A-plot
My favourite moment of the episode is when Jack pricks his finger on the blades for the Coffin of Blood act…except that they are SO OBVIOUSLY styrofoam. I appreciate that it’s not easy to make convincing props on a dime store budget, but oof those look faaaaake!
It almost appears as if Jack and Ryan use a weird colour coding strategy to free Micki from the Houdin Box in the climax. The lighting goes from red to green (no obvious symbolism there) before the door opens, although I’m unsure if Jack’s broken bottle twisted the crystal or simply refracted light
The high camp moment of the episode: that shot of Lyla screaming after her father’s death

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode seven: “Doctor Jack”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0aPDwmDLEY&t=3s

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E05 – “He Knew We’d Have Soft Hearts!”

October 7, 2018 by Joe Lipsett

https://youtu.be/lEZgYhwDudc

S01E05: “Hellowe’en”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: The evil spirit of Uncle Lewis (R.G. Armstrong) crashes a Halloween party at the shop and seeks to re-enter the living world.

Director: “The Poison Pen” helmer Timothy Bond returns for his second episode
Writer: Bill Taub tackles his second Uncle Lewis episode after penning the pilot
Famous Guest Star: Outside of Armstrong, the only other guest star is midget Victoria Deslaurier as Greta, who doesn’t have a lot of acting credits to her name

The Amulet of Zohar

Cursed Antique of the Week: There are kind of two — the crystal ball and the Amulet of Zohar — though by default of being the only item that leaves Curious goods, I suppose the Amulet is the main object

Setting: A mortuary

Best Death: There’s actually only one death in this episode, so Greta the midget demon wins by default, even if her accidental death by chair leg is patently ridiculous and underwhelming

Quirkiest Add-On: Greta’s trap for Jack (Chris Wiggins) — a gated prison located in a generic-looking alleyway — fills me with so many questions

Character Bits: Jack was secretly in love with Uncle Lewis’ wife, Grace

80s Fashion Closet: OMG I’ve been so excited for this episode because of the fantastic 80s Halloween costumes and “Hellowe’en” did NOT disappoint. Obviously I preferred Micki (Louise Robey)’s Bride of Frankenstein look the most because it is all dramatic eye make-up, chunky silver belt, plunging neckline and sheer puffy sleeves

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: Thankfully the outdated gendered comment flirtation that began last episode is put to rest here. In reality, the looming threat of Uncle Lewis basically eliminates the sexual tension between the cousins, aside from some very tight clutching when his ghost first appears

Halloween costumes/episodes are always welcome

What Works…

Following on the heels of the series’ best episode yet, “Hellowe’en” is another fun entry in the Friday The 13th The Series canon. It’s got a fun hook with the opening Halloween party, a nice returning guest in Armstrong’s Uncle Lewis and a large enough threat that everyone winds up playing a role in its resolution.

At this point in the series, it’s clear that the cast and crew are settling into their roles. The writing is starting to play to the actors’ strengths and the visual aesthetic of the series that Fruet established in the pilot episode has gelled (in addition to the recent inclusion of the slasher movie POV shot, which is now consistently incorporated in).

“Hellowe’en” also brings back the more sophisticated visual effects from the pilot. Uncle Lewis’ transformation from ghost to physical manifestation after touching the amulet is well done and there’s even a brief glimpse of a fireball right before his final showdown with Jim in the mortuary.

Plus: the sight of Louise Robey geting stunned by Greta’s demon powers before she levitates horizontally in the air to wind up in that coffin? <chef’s kiss>

Jack’s alleyway prison is an episode low point

What Doesn’t Work…

The episode’s biggest sin is that it starts off incredibly strong and then squanders its potential with a fairly middling second act. The Halloween party offers us a glimpse of the broader community, introduces a few potential new clients/characters and has loads of atmosphere (particularly the sequence where the mist oozes out of the crystal ball and the entire foundation of the building shakes like an earthquake). And then…Jim goes on a loooooong walk with a little girl and winds up locked in the most makeshift alley prison you’ve ever seen.

I get that Friday The 13th The Series is working on a fixed budget (and the special effects in this episode probably aren’t cheap), but damn if that alley prison isn’t the worst looking thing the show has ever created! And then leaving Chris Wiggins stranded in this sub-plot for a whole act — dealing with idiot passerbys and talking aloud to himself? It’s unforgivable! It also feels perfunctory, as though writer Taub couldn’t think up a more creative way to sideline Jim long enough for Uncle Lewis to pull a fast one on the dumb cousins and get the A-plot going.

The other complaint — which also likely relates to the budget — has to do with the endless chase scenes around the mortuary. By this point in “Hellowe’en” the action has picked up and everyone is back in the mix, but the lack of set dressing in the mortuary and the repetitive chase scenes are boring. The formula is as follows: Uncle Lewis directs Greta to take out the cousins, she wanders the halls, opens doors, and either captures them or they run away. Rinse/lather/repeat.

The fact that Greta is killed in a bizarre accident (she fatally impales herself offscreen on a broken chair leg) is especially disappointing. I’ll concede that part of my sadness is due to the fact that I liked Greta as a character and hoped that she might recur as a villain. RIP Greta.

Who’s down for a satanic ritual involving body swapping?

Stream of Consciousness Musings

Ryan’s friend Larry (David Matheson) is an idiot, but a lovable idiot. I do appreciate the visual reference to the opening of Carpenter’s Halloween in this first scene in Micki’s bedroom
Let’s dish on these costumes: as previously discussed, Micki is the Bride of Frankenstein. Jack is Merlin, I’m guessing? And Ryan is, what…a court jester?
It is unsurprising that Jack can perform magic and knows how to read Tarot Cards. Alas, the scene where he pulls a plum out of a partygoer’s cleavage has NOT aged well. That’s basically sexual assault, Jack, so maybe don’t, ok?
Upon discovering the crystal ball, Larry says: “Well if it had three holes, I could bowl with it.” I hated myself for it, but I did chuckle
I do enjoy how much Micki assumes Ryan is at fault. The minute that the shop begins to shake, she blames him. “What’s going on, Ryan? What did you do?”
The description of Ryan’s punch made me physically gag: “He made up something orange and brown.”
Hey, the black cat from the pilot briefly reappears!
There’s a bit too much exposition in the (maybe made up?) story about Uncle Lewis’ role in the accidental death of his wife, but I could barely pay attention because THERE’S AN ENTIRE SECTION OF THE STORE THEY’VE NEVER SEEN BEHIND THE BOOKCASE?! The secret room reveal is one of the greatest, weirdest, funniest parts about “Hellowe’en”
Directly from my notes: “Jack baits a couple of local idiots to pull open the gates using their pickup truck, then uses his “magic” to disappear”. The fact that this whole storyline takes 15 minutes is unforgivable
My favourite line of the entire episode (and maybe the series to date) is Micki’s lament that Uncle Lewis set them up because “he knew we’d have soft hearts!” I still don’t know how Robey managed to deliver that both earnestly and with a straight face
Micki’s levitation by Greta works not only because Robey’s facial expression is hysterical, but because it is genuinely unexpected. I’m always down for a midget pulling pranks on fully grown adults (see also: Don’t Look Now)
Two ridiculous moments: There is clearly no one inside the coffins when Jack pulls them off the conveyor belt. And then — in another moment that hasn’t aged well — Jack full-on smacks Micki across the face to knock her out of her trance
It occurred to me during the climax that this is the first time that we’ve seen Uncle Lewis and Jack interact! I would have liked more fireball tossing and less dramatic line reading, but as a first time encounter, this suffices
The “it’s secretly already dawn” twist feels like a hammy horror movie resolution, so I approve of its use here to dispel Uncle Lewis. Hopefully that’s not the last we’ve seen of him
The suggestion that there’ll be more shenanigans in two weeks when Friday the 13th occurs is enough to prompt an eyeroll from me, but I’m still kinda psyched? What’s coming next?!

I’m taking a quick one day breather to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday, so I’ll see you back here Tuesday for Friday The 13th The Series episode six: “The Great Montarro” (whatever the hell that means)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNlVfJo1Z_g

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E04 – “Who Ate All The Chips?!”

October 6, 2018 by Joe Lipsett

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFGXC1x2llE&t=2s

S01E04: “A Cup Of Time”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: When a series of deaths of homeless people is brought to their attention, Micki (Louise Robbey) and Ryan (John D. LeMay) discover the murders are connected to popular singer Lady Die (Hilary Shepard). Meanwhile, Jack (Chris Wiggins) must deal with unwanted attention from Birdie (Maxine Miller), a social worker with a crush on him.

Director: Harvey Frost, who eventually won an Emmy for Avonlea and directed episodes of Melrose Place and Beverly Hills, 90210
Writer: We have our first female writer! This is the sole writing credit for Barbara Sachs, who would later produce Friday The 13th Parts 7 & 8
Famous Guest Star: Shepard would go on to play villain Divatox on multiple iterations of Power Rangers

Teacup with Swapper’s Ivy

Cursed Antique of the Week: A teacup covered in Swapper’s Ivy, which allows its owner to trade for whatever they desire

Setting: A local (wooded) park that is populated almost exclusively by homeless people

Best Death: While the vines that rise out of the cup to strangle its victims are full of stop-motion goodness, the most memorable death is when Lady Die’s corpse tumbles out of her RV in a state of advanced decomposition

Quirkiest Add-On: Tie!

Birdie has a weird meet/cute all nighter (with heavy romantic overtones) with the homeless man she nearly murders
Jack wears a terrible looking toupee when he goes undercover to trick Lady Die into giving up the cup

Character Bits: Jack is working on an experimental food supplemental for mice involving ginseng…for no discernible reason

80s Fashion Closet: Sadly Louise Robey’s hair is kept mostly in check, but Lady Die’s voluminous rocker chic – complete with braided red clip-ons (!!!) – is a sheer (shear?) delight.

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: After clamping down on their socially inappropriate feelings last episode, the cousins adopt a new flirtation technique that involves hurling gendered comments at each other as though they’ve been married to each other for twenty years. Sample dialogue:

Ryan (when Micki insists on driving): “The only reason I let you drive is because you look better in the uniform”
Micki: “Chauvinist!”

It’s a weird, new stage of their relationship that I don’t know if I like.

Lady Die is a fun Wicked Witch-like villain

What Works…

I’m on the record that this is unequivocally the best episode of the show since the pilot.

There’s something so delightfully fun about the retro Disney vibes that “A Cup Of Time” gives off. An old woman discovers the fountain of youth and after adopting a new, youthful appearance, she decides to become a glamazon rock star who murders homeless people in between cranking out hit singles out of appropriated nursery rhyme lyrics. Like, what?!

While Lady Die’s motivation in “A Cup Of Time” isn’t particularly complicated — or fleshed out for that matter — it is reminiscent of Snow White‘s Wicked Witch, right down to the dark robe and the offer of something nourishing to young people in the woods. The use of Kristen (Lisa Jakub), the pickpocketing child, also evokes a fairytale.

Throw in a ridiculously convoluted story that zigs and zags and “A Cup Of Time” feels like it has the episode with the most narrative meat on its bones thus far. With so much going on, the pace also zips along (compared to, say, the slog that was “The Poison Pen“). Unlike other instalments of the series that feature the same repetitive conflict, Sachs’ script repeatedly offers unexpected new developments such as Kristen’s pickpocketing of the cursed object, Birdie’s surprise break-in at Curious Goods and Jack’s toupee disguise after Micki and Ryan are taken out of the equation by the police.

Also: did I mention that there’s a rock version of “I’m A Little Teapot”? Classic!

Birdie’s sudden decision to commit murder feels…reductive

What Doesn’t Work…

Considering that this is the first episode with a female villain, it’s a tad disappointing that there is not one, but two age-and-beauty obsessed murderesses (or near murderess) at large in “A Cup Of Time.” This is, sadly, reflective of the narratives that Hollywood churns out about women, which suggests that they are all shallow and vain about their appearance. Is it representative of the time? Perhaps. That doesn’t mean it isn’t still a touch reductive.

“A Cup Of Time” also suffers from a string of very forced character introductions. Birdie arrives in the store and is greeted as though she’s a main character whom we’ve never met. Grumpy — and terrible at his job — Lieutenant Fishbein (Richard Fitzpatrick) similarly seems like he will become a recurring character: the group’s foil on the force who they butt heads with on different cases. And yet after a quick search, it is clear that neither character reappears! It’s a very odd decision to write characters as though they will be sticking around when that’s clearly not the case.

Finally, the flip side of the speedy pace means that there are a bunch of plot contrivances that don’t entirely make sense. The most egregious occurs at episode’s end when Micki and Ryan are arrested by Fishbein for Birdie’s attempted murder, but they are free in the very next scene to join Jack at Lady Die’s caravan in time for the final reveal. How did that happen?!

I am living for those red braided extensions

Stream of Consciousness Musings

Birdie’s introduction finds her literally just walking into the store like she’s there every day
How are Micki and Ryan able to just walk into the morgue while a body is being examined? It’s almost as preposterous as Micki challenging Fishbein with this line: “We were just wondering why so many people are being murdered in our neighbourhood?”
It’s disappointing that Fat Eddie is name-dropped, but we only seen his skeleton
I may have cackled when Kristen, a child of approximately seven or eight years old, pushes Micki, a full grown woman, over and then is nearly hit by Ryan’s car
Ryan’s exchange with Birdie about age is also pretty funny. Ryan: “I think age is all in the mind.” Birdie: “Too bad you need a young mind to think that way!” Sick burn, Birdie
I’m completely unsure why the conversation between Kristen and the Lady Die groupie outside of the radio station exists, but it is extremely bizarre. Kristen asks if the woman’s costume hurts to sleep on. Her reply: “Only when I roll on my face”. Ok then!
Nice touch giving Kristen a Tales From The Crypt comic considering how much Friday The 13th The Series is indebted to the older property
The slasher POV shots in this episode really work for me, even when it’s used in bait and switch scenes like Kristen being chased by Micki and Ryan
The Showgirls fan in me almost fell off the couch at the line “Who ate all of the chips?” Who knew that one of the most notorious films of the 90s drew inspiration for ones of its oddest lines from little olde Friday The 13th The Series? (That’s rhetorical; don’t @ me)
I like the twist that it is Birdie and not Lady Die who steals the cup from Curious Goods, but it is a really odd twist for the kindly old woman to nearly become a murderer. That’s not even the strangest development of this section of the episode, which finds the older woman spend the rest of the night chatting with her would-be victim. SO WEIRD
Also: the amount of salivating that people have for tea in this episode is confounding. No one in North America likes tea that much!
Kudos to the makeup team for Lady Die’s progressively deteriorating look. It’s obviously just prosthetics and wigs, but it looks pretty good
Sachs should be ashamed of ending the episode with such a terrible Dad Joke: “Do you wanna play tea party?” Oh ha ha ha! Ugh

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode five: “Hellowe’en” when Uncle Lewis returns (FUCK YES)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEZgYhwDudc

Friday The 13th The Series Rewatch: S01E03 ““He Left With This Girl — Kind Of Attractive”

October 5, 2018 by Joe Lipsett

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfvWCkgz2Kg&t=1s

S01E03: “Cupid’s Quiver”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: Jack (Chris Wiggins), Micki (Louise Robey) and Ryan (John D. LeMay) search for a cursed statuette in the houses of a local college. When they finally find it, it’s in the hands of Eddie (Denis Forest) a lonely misfit with an unrequited love for popular girl Laurie (Carolyn Dunn).

Director: Atom Egoyan, only one of the most important Canadian directors EVER
Writer: Stephen Katz, who by this time had already worked extensively on The A-Team
Famous Guest Star: Forest isn’t famous, but he would go on to appear in War of the Worlds and three more episodes of this series

The bland cursed object: Cupid of Malek

Cursed Antique of the Week: A statue of the Cupid of Malek, with a hideous visage

Setting: The local university (and a bizarre giant boiler room)

Best Death: Hands down the woman who is doused in honey and imprisoned in a truck with a hive of bees. It is GONZO crazy

Quirkiest Add-On: Harold (Dennis Fitzgerald), the head of fraternity Delta Lambda Kai, has such an odd, unusual way of speaking. It’s very slow and his cadence is very low and I kept expecting him to murder someone

Character Bits: Jack knows how to make a sodium pentathol cocktail (because of course he does)

80s Fashion Closet: Sadly nothing too crazy, though Micki’s three sizes too big leather jacket is a favourite stand out

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: After nearly porking at the monastery in the last episode, the cuzes manage to keep their mitts off each other…right up until the end when Ryan point blank asks Micki out after getting blown off by Laurie. Smooth move, buddy

Please read my thesis: “Voyeurism and Fetishization in Early Egoyan”

What Works…

Look, if we’re being honest, this isn’t the most exciting episode of Friday The 13th The Series. The cursed artefact doesn’t have a ton of character, the plot is relatively straightforward and there’s no fun guest star to get excited about.

Except that “Cupid’s Quiver” is literally directed by one of the most important Canadian directors of all time. That’s right, a tiny little Canadian horror television series nabbed Atom Egoyan to direct an episode!

Forgive the fangirling, but this is such an odd turn of events. For folks who are unfamiliar with Egoyan, he would go on to direct major festival hits Exotica and The Sweet Hereafter, which was nominated for two Oscars back in 1998, including Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Director. He makes super prestigious films about memory, regret, trauma and sexuality and, particularly during his heyday in the 90s, he was neck and neck with David Cronenberg as Canada’s most esteemed director.

What’s fascinating about “Cupid’s Quiver” then is how closely it mirrors the thematic concerns that define Egoyan’s oeuvre. This episode comes relatively early in his career, before he began gaining notice for (admittedly still small) films such as Speaking Parts (1989) and The Adjuster (1991) – the latter of which is a personal favourite and a must watch for anyone who finds Elias Koteas both hot and scary.

Egoyan’s early work frequently examined how technology, in particular cameras and video, plays into voyeurism and sexual fetishism. His characters are often unable to connect physically or emotionally because they are at a distance from other another (hence the need for a lens to get closer, as well to capture for posterity). Even though “Cupid’s Quiver” wasn’t written by Egoyan, Eddie’s inability to actually engage with women drives him to photograph them. Even when he does engage them in conversation, he is incapable of regarding them as anything other than sexual objects, divided up fetishistically into parts.

Egoyan represents this visually with point of view close ups of the women’s lips and busts, and these isolated body parts are reinforced in the photographic collage that Eddie constructs in his boiler room wall. The shrine-like images and the conflation of sex, love and obssesion in Friday The 13th is a low-tech version of the same concept that Egoyan would explore in nearly all of his films throughout the late 80s through to the mid-90s.

The confusing climax of “Cupid’s Quiver”

What Doesn’t Work…

As mentioned above, aside from the fascinating linkages between this episode and Egoyan’s later output, “Cupid’s Quiver” is fine, but hardly exceptional. Forest’s committed performance as Eddie is a standout, though he’s less of a character than a prototype “incel” – a disgruntled man who believes that he’s owed sex by women. It would have been nice to have dug into Eddie’s psyche a little more; instead the production team slaps a big zit on his cheek and greases up his hair and calls it a day.

A lot of blame can be placed on the cursed object, which isn’t at all threatening (or even all that interesting). There’s no explanation if the statue exudes some kind of pull on sexually frustrated men and, not unlike episode two, the narrative suffers from a little too padding (here it’s in the form of Richard Alden’s idiot campus security guard who foolishly confiscates the Cupid from Micki and Ryan and then literally hands it back to Eddie for no discernible reason).

Throw in a badly edited final fight sequence that has a number of continuity errors (Eddie burns his face in steam, but suffers no visible effects? Amazing!) and this episode simply isn’t that memorable.

Harold is such an odd duck

Stream of Consciousness Musings

Strategy for men who suck at dating: maybe stick with approaching women who are single and available, rather than women who are clearly already with someone
That honeymoon suite is garishly horrific. It’s like Suspiria puked all over a cheap fleabag penthouse. All I can imagine is the migraine that would accompany that flashing neon light coming in through the window
Also: what woman moans “Oh, so good, so good!” during sex?
There’s a weird conflation between the statue and the fraternity that the episode always skirts. I wonder if in an original draft it was fraternity members who did the killing (or is the assumption simply that frat boys don’t need the assist because they’re all beefcakes?)
When Micki criticizes Ryan for suggesting that they impersonate the cops again, he counters with: “It worked last time, didn’t it?” Were these episodes aired out of order because they impersonated cops in the pilot, not the second episode
I love that Micki and Ryan make no effort to dress differently for the party than when they attempted to sneak into the frat house earlier that day. They really suck at this undercover thing
When Jack enquires after Eddie the bartender describes the woman he left with as “kind of attractive”. Umm, no one asked for your opinion on the physical attributes of your customers, buddy
Hilarious Harold dialogue: “They always end up running away from me”. It’s because you’re a loser, Harold!
Questions I have about the climax:
- Where did Eddie’s axe come from?
- Why does Micki pass out?
- Why doesn’t Eddie have any residual burns from the steam where he cuts the pipe?
Finally, what’s with the ominous camera tilt up to the gargoyle head above the vault door when Jack ominously announces that they might fail if they ever have to recapture the cursed objects they’ve stored in the vaults? Is that just a really bad example of foreshadowing?

See you back here tomorrow for Friday The 13th The Series episode four: A Cup of Time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFGXC1x2llE

Friday The 13th Series Rewatch: S01E02 “He Should Have Stuck To Pencils”

October 4, 2018 by Joe Lipsett

https://youtu.be/tGgTLgLPg_o

S01E02: “The Poison Pen”

Wikipedia Plot Summary: After reading a news story, Micki (Louise Robey), Ryan (John D. LeMay) and Jack (Chris Wiggins) track an antique quill pen to a monastery famous for its “Oracle of Death”. In order to enter, all three have to disguise themselves as monks.

Director: Timothy Bond, who would go on to direct several Alfred Hitchcock Presents… episodes and lots of Canadian TV series
Writer: Durnford King, who also wrote for the Highlander TV series
Famous Guest Star: Colin Fox as villainous Brother Le Croix, known for his voice work on Babar, Legend of Zelda and Beetlejuice

The titular Poison Pen in all of its glory

Cursed Antique of the Week: The titular Poison Pen (duh), a quilled silver pen with the feather of a Chilean condor (“the worst kind”, don’t you know?)

Setting: The Eternal Brotherhood monastery

Best Death: Tie!

After taking over the role of Abbot, Arrupe (Gillie Fenwick) is smothered by his bed, which descends on him while he’s sleeping
Brother Currie (Larry Reynolds) commits suicide by decapitation

Quirkiest Add-On: When Micki and Ryan first take a tour of the monastery, one Brother is randomly self-flagellating in the hall and it is not treated as odd in the slightest, despite the fact that this would be A VERY ODD THING

Character bits: Jack apparently knows a ton about both bird feathers and South American spiders

80s Fashion Closet: Not a ton of period-relevant clothes to mock, but we HAVE to talk about Micki’s undercover disguise. This shizz is not fooling ANYONE. She literally looks like a woman wearing a robe, but (of course!) this somehow manages to fool everyone at the monastery. It’s so dumb

Kissing Cousins Incest Watch: After helping her to wrap her bust, Ryan tells Micki “You’re the cutest boy I’ve ever seen”. This is both creepy and just a touch gay

Brother Arrupe (Gillie Fenwick) does his best Freddy Krueger impression

What Works…

While the case of the week drags on for far too long (more on that below), I really appreciated that all three of our core cast got to get involved. In the pilot episode, Jack was effectively sidelined for long stretches, so his second act appearance at the monastery here is very welcome. There’s still a suggestion that the writers don’t entirely know what to do with everyone, but “The Poison Pen” is an improvement because all three characters get at least one solo moment to contribute to the case and shine.

As icky as the implied romantic relationship between the cousins is, this episode strikes a good comedic balance between Micki and Ryan. There’s some great banter between them when Micki learns about the single room assignment and the communal shower and their bickering while working the grounds is good for a chuckle or two. Micki’s vow of silence undercover work gives Robey a lot of opportunities to shine and she definitely rises to the occasion in this episode.

Finally, while there are no show stopping action sequences like Uncle Lewis’ basement chase scene, there are two incredibly memorable visuals from this episode:

The opening scene when Abbot Capilano (Lewis Gordon) floats into the air off the roof before plummeting to his death. Between the creepy, dread-infused whispered reading of the perfect cursive writing and Capilano’s unexpected delight at what he perceives to be a religious miracle, it’s a great start to the episode
The image of Arrupe being smothered by his bed, particularly when the sheet presses tight over his face like Freddy Krueger coming out of Nancy’s wall in the original Nightmare on Elm Street

Hey Brother Drake (A.C. Peterson), what’s your deal?!

What Doesn’t Work…

OHMYGOD the pacing! After the pilot episode pulls double duty to introduce the characters and set up the case of the week premise of the show, rely solely on the latter storyline for this second episode makes it feel like things are happening at a positively glacial pace. Part of the problem is that “The Poison Pen” sets up the villain of the piece as a mystery when it is painfully obvious that it is Le Croix from very early on, which makes Micki, Ryan and Jack look inept for not zeroing in on him earlier.

Another issue is that it is unclear exactly how the pen’s effects work. Clearly whatever horrible fate is written comes to pass (RIP real Matthew and Simon, who died from the poisonous spider bites instead of Micki and Ryan), but what is the time frame between writing and occurrence? At most points it seems immediate, but Le Croix mentions that Brother Currie left behind a number of predictions following his death. This is likely simply the villain covering his tracks, but it’s also not the best writing.

Finally, what is the role of Brother Drake (A.C. Peterson), Le Croix’s muscle, in all of this? Initially it appears that he’s working in cahoots with Le Croix to hide Brother Currie (Larry Reynolds) AKA the “Oracle of Death”, but when it is revealed that Le Croix is actually up to nefarious deeds, Drake seems shocked and turns on him. Again, it can be deduced that Drake was initially protecting the monastery and a fellow monk, but it’s not handled as well as it could be.

Paging Billy from Black Christmas!

Stream of Consciousness Musings

The litany of conditions that prevent Micki and Ryan from seeing Brother Currie becomes hilariously long as the episode progresses: he’s in seclusion AND he’s taken a vow of silence AND he’s maybe a prisoner
OF COURSE Ryan doesn’t know Nostradamus. It’s not it’s totally common knowledge or anything <face palm> Tarot cards, fortune tellers, fortune cookies
Micki’s inability to remain silent, particularly as the episode progresses, is easily one of the highlights for me. She literally makes no effort at the end and her feminine voice is exceedingly distinctive!
Also: at one point Micki complains LOUDLY about how she just wanted to get married and settle down. Can someone please teleport back to the late 80s to teach her about feminism?
When Le Croix yells at Ryan following Arrupe’s death, all I could think of was how bad it would look to chastise clergy who are visiting the monastery. Jack joins them after Arrupe’s death
The rationale for Le Croix’s actions are appallingly bland: he wants money for a book advance on the Oracle’s story and a payout for selling the monastery to a real estate developer
Chekov’s Spider: You had to know that Micki’s fear of arachnids would come into play after she’s terrified of one out in the fields, but this is nicely upended when she and Ryan are saved from Le Croix’s effort to kill them because they aren’t who they say they are
The scene of Drake spying on Micki is the shower is very Black Christmas voyeur, no?
The resolution to the Le Croix threat is actually pretty clever: Jack tricks the greedy monk into writing his own death sentence on his original invoice for the pen. It’s a clever way to dispose of him
Oof, the effect of the flying guillotine has not aged well

Come back tomorrow for a review of Friday The 13th The Series episode three: “Cupid’s Quiver”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfvWCkgz2Kg